Tag: faith

Understanding Why We Are The Way We Are

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I have always had self-image issues. I’ve battled feeling good about myself my whole life. I would say the verbal abuse I heard as a child had a great impact on me. I would also say, I am this way because my mother also battled feeling good about herself. As a child, I definitely sensed the way she felt about herself.

In my journey to help me understand why I am the way I am, I’ve discovered there is a  reoccurring theme. If we want to heal and move forward, we have to go back and look at what happened to us as children. Our answers are there. Of course, there can be traumatic events that happen to us in our lives that can also cause issues within us. So, whatever you struggle with, there is a reason for it. 

Let me also say this… You aren’t weird. You aren’t too sensitive. You aren’t too dramatic. You are a mystery. You have a story. You have to be willing to look within, so you can unlock what lies deep within you. 

“Children internalize the voices and speech heard from adult care givers. In most cases, these are the thoughts and feelings of the mother or father. But children, also absorb the thoughts and feelings of other family members, friends, teachers, coaches and even the voices and thoughts and feelings of characters in books, in movies, or on television. Children internalize these voices as inner speech, and they are integrated into the children’s own thoughts. Children “try on” these voices in their own speech, both internally and with others.” Crete

Do you see the words internalize and absorb? I love looking up the meaning of words. Internalize— to absorb an idea, belief, or feeling so deeply that is becomes part of your character, your way of thinking, or your hidden emotions. Absorb— to take in or soak up something.

When we were children, our little eyes were watching, our ears were listening, and our brains were sifting through all the information we were receiving. We were absorbing every word and every action we witnessed and internalizing them to form our beliefs, feelings and thinking.

Our internal voices developed from what we saw and heard as children. The voices we heard also became our inner speech and thoughts. YIKES!!!!!! When I learned this, I responded in two ways. “Oh, goodness! This explains so much!!” The next response was, “Oh, crap!!! What did I pass on to my kids???”

The very last thing I wanted to do as a mother was to pass on anything that was negative or hurtful. I am very aware of how my dad’s comments and actions affected me, so I tried the best I could to be positive and not negative. But, I also know my girls absorbed things from me without me saying a word. YIKES AGAIN!!!

You can see how easily a negative belief can be passed on to a child. “When a negative belief comes from someone else and is passed on to a child, it is called a “legacy burden”. I’ve also heard it called a “generational curse”.

Think about it. How often have you said to yourself, “I’m acting just like _______ , or I’m saying the same words or doing the same thing that I swore I would never say or do.”  Legacy burdens or generational curses are very real. 

We could easily sit here and beat ourselves up for everything we’ve ever thought, said, or done, or we can ask God to bring good from all the mistakes we’ve made or the evil that was done against us or through us. Genesis 50:20 

We can also ask Him to break the generational curses in prayer. Colossians 2:14-15; Isaiah 54:17  We can have hope for ourselves and our loved ones because we have a God who wants to heal and help us move forward.

When we were children, we also learned to handle our home lives in ways that worked for us. “As children, we find an “answer” that works to manage these problems and all the complex feelings that come with them. In response to trauma, a part of the self-system takes on a role and adopts a solution that works at the time. The idea here is that we overdevelop some skill or quality and under develop some other skill or quality to survive or cope.” Crete

My overdeveloped skill is scanning a room, reading everyone’s body language, listening to their  words, and then adjusting my reaction to fit the atmosphere of the room. Notice I said, “adjusting my behavior and actions”. I’ve been adjusting for so long that I’m not really sure if I am reacting out of who I truly am or out of pleasing everyone else. The observer part inside me saw what I needed to do to feel safe when I was a child and has continued to react the same way my whole life. 

Our parts functioned the way they had to when we were children in order to survive. But some can get stuck in their roles. They can hang on to their roles even though we’ve grown up and our lives have changed. “It’s quite possible that one’s current problem in life was once a solution.” Crete 

My observer part, that caused me to please and preform, came from a necessity to keep myself safe. I became overdeveloped in “doing”. I also became extremely underdeveloped in the art of communicating to others the way I actually felt. I would rather do anything than confront someone with my true feelings. I’d much rather please and forget the way I feel.

Communication is a huge problem for me. I feel safer when I keep my mouth shut. So, talking about the way I feel with someone is very uncomfortable for me. I can write about my feelings, but talking is much harder!

So, what do we do with the parts within us that seem to be stuck in the past? How do we help them move forward and heal? 

We have to go within ourselves, with the help of the Holy Spirit, and identify what parts need help. Most parts have been carrying some sort of burden since childhood. Burdens are the negative beliefs that have kept our parts locked into the roles they’ve developed. They need our love, compassion and safety so they can move forward.

We have to be aware of them, so we can help them develop new belief systems. We have to ask Jesus for help. We have to be completely honest with our thoughts, feelings and emotions as we approach Him for help. There is a good reason why these parts developed and they need divine intervention in order to move forward. 

We can’t deny what is going on inside of us. If we do, we prolong the healing process. “Our minds might forget what happened to us, but our bodies don’t forget.” It’s taken me years of going within to identify my parts and bring healing to them. Has it been hard? Yes. Have I been discouraged? Yes. Have I felt like quitting? Yes. 

But….. I wouldn’t have the relationship with Christ that I have. I wouldn’t have learned so many wonderful things. I wouldn’t be writing about what I am learning. I wouldn’t be healing and growing the way I am. I wouldn’t be aware of what God is doing within me.

Awareness is more than working with our parts to bring healing and restoration. It’s also about our union with God. Paul calls us to discern and examine ourselves. We are called to recollect, look inside ourselves and see if there are unhealthy, harmful, or sinful behaviors. The path to healing is to restore our parts so we can have harmony with God. 

Here’s the tricky part for me, and maybe you can relate to this. I can be filled with so much self-loathing that I’ve actually hated myself. I’ve wanted to die because I think everyone would be better off without me. I’m not writing these words for pity. I’m expressing how some of my parts have felt. They’ve had a very difficult time loving themselves because of the words and actions of others. 

My belief system has been based on the actions and words of others instead of what God says about me. I’ve been in a fight to believe what is true because the words I’ve said to myself haven’t always been been kind. We have to overcome what we’ve heard and seen and believe what God says about us is the truth.

Someone once asked me how long my healing was going to take. At the time, I immediately started berating myself because they made me feel like my healing was taking too long.

Since then, I’ve realized there’s no timetable on healing. Healing is different for everyone. What we need to be doing for one another is praying, encouraging, helping, showing kindness and mercy and allowing that person to work through what needs to be worked through. “There is no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus.” Romans 8:1

Yes, there is a reason why we are the way we are. But, there is also a way to heal and move forward from the lies we’ve believed and the way we’ve reacted. Jesus wants healing and restoration for all of us. We need to sit with Him; sift through everything we believe; and ask Him to help us overcome the lies that have become our belief systems, so we can be fully restored. 

It’s not easy to face what is going on inside us. I’ve gone through some really dark times, but I wouldn’t have it any other way. All of us are on some type of journey in life. Mine is about seeking God and His will for me. That’s really what our lives are about. Everything we do to heal is worth it! I pray my words will encourage you and help you with your journey.

Until next time. This is my journey to joy and restoration!! 

* All of us need to remember….There eyes are watching us; ears are listening to us and brains are sifting through everything we say and do. May God have mercy on us and redeem what we’ve said and done!!! Amen! 

The Power That Lives Within

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When I became a Christian, many years ago, I asked Jesus to come and live inside me because I wanted a relationship with Him. He has been present since the day I began to follow Him, but there has also been a struggle within me. In fact, I would at times call it a war within me. My inner self wants the Holy Spirit to lead, but there are parts within me that want to be in charge.

We choose who or what we will follow every day. That’s why being aware of what is going on inside us is so important. The apostle Paul wrestled with the same issues. “For I delight in the law of God in my inner being, but I see in my members another law waging war against the law of my mind and making me captive to the law of sin that dwells in my members. Wretched man that I am! Who will deliver me from this body of death? Thanks be to God through Jesus Christ our Lord.” Romans 7:22-25

I’ve read these verses for years, but something caught my eye for the very first time. (I even got goosebumps from this revelation). The word members made me pause. I realized, for the first time, that Paul is actually talking about the parts that live within him. He states his inner self delights in the law of God, but there are parts that are at war within him that are making him captive to the sin that dwells in his parts.

Paul is showing us that he is very aware of what is going on inside of him, therefore, we also need to be aware of what is going on inside of us. We could have parts that are struggling with false or conflicting beliefs, negative thoughts, and sinful behaviors. “Our parts have to have the Holy Spirit involved in order to heal. New life of the Spirit occurs when the inmost self, through the grace of the Holy Spirit, unburdens and heals the parts and the whole self-system experiences a newfound interior unity, an inner harmony and freedom.” Crete

Even though I gave my life to Christ, I can still have parts within me that are attached to sin and are still carrying burdens from my childhood and traumatic experiences. We can have an inner self that is in love with the Lord, and at the same time, have parts that act independently of that love.

Our parts have to be brought into a right relationship with God. That might sound really weird to you, but as Paul states, we have parts within us that are struggling with sin. I have parts who have been traumatized from my childhood and need help overcoming what happened. I have a part within me that has a very hard time believing God will take everything that has happened in my life and set me free from it. I have a skeptic living within me wondering when the next bad thing will happen. I have a part that is very disillusioned, a part that is sarcastic, and a part that hates the way she has been treated. I could go on and on. 

The point is—my parts have to choose to believe God and the transforming work of the Holy Spirit. They need to believe He is working to heal them so they can fully embrace their identity in Christ. The skeptic, the part that jumps into gloom and doom, the part that is disillusioned, the sarcastic one, and the part that hasn’t been treated well, have to come to a point where they are ready to embrace Christ and the healing work of the Holy Spirit. I also have many parts that have already chosen to believe God and have been healed or in the process of being healed by the work of the Holy Spirit. 

Let’s be honest. Most of us don’t live by the power we have within us because we are too busy trying to survive; too busy wanting our own way; too busy trying to please others; too busy with our to-do lists; too busy avoiding what is going on inside of us. I could go on and on because I am guilty of doing all of it. 

We are surviving not thriving. Most of the time, we aren’t even aware of what we are doing. We have to learn to live a different way. We have to be aware of what is going on inside us, pray a lot, and ask the Holy Spirit to help us overcome the way we’ve learned to survive. Again, Paul is a wonderful example of someone who is aware of what is going on inside his body.

“For I do not understand my own actions. For I do not do what I want, but I do the very thing I hate. Now if I do what I do not want, I agree with the law, that it is good. So now it is no longer I who do it, but the sin that dwells within me. For I know that nothing good dwells in me, that is, in my flesh. For I have the desire to do what is right, but not the ability to carry it out. For I do not do the good I want, but the evil I do not want is what I keep on doing.” Romans 7:15-19 

Do you ever feel that way? You keep doing what you don’t want to do or keep saying what you shouldn’t say. You keep having thoughts that condemn yourself or others. You form a habit that you want to break, but have trouble breaking it. You are in a relationship you know isn’t good for you, but you stay in that relationship.  

“When we possess true consciousness, we are wakeful and alert, and we see every moment in the light of our relationship with God and the meaning He gives to our lives.” Crete

Wouldn’t it be wonderful to be wakeful and alert to see every moment in the light of our relationship with God and the meaning He gives to our lives? When I was pondering this question, another revelation came to me. “I’ve handed my nervous system over and over again to a lot of people in my life, therefore, allowing their thoughts and reactions to rule over me.”

I’ve been living my life from the definition of insanity. “Insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.” I’ve been banging my head against the wall looking to others, instead of God, and the Holy Spirit that lives within me. I’ve been living my life from the way people see me instead of how God sees me.

We must bring attention to the presence of God in our souls. He is always there waiting for us to recognize Him. “We do not lose sight of our focus, which is God Himself. Deep within our souls we experience a kind of unity, a communion between our inmost selves and the transcendent God. When we connect with God in this way, we become aware of a deeper purpose to our lives. We gain a divine perspective.” Crete

I want you to know that living from within is not easy for me. My worker bee parts don’t want to rely on anyone. Neither do my pusher, prodder, task master, pleaser and performer parts. They want to be in control because they feel safer when they are in charge. The good news is, I am now aware of them, and the roles they’ve had to play in order for me to survive.

It’s been extremely HARD for many of my parts to ask the Holy Spirit to come along side them and help them. I have to ask my parts if they want help to heal and move forward. Most of the time, they are receptive, but there are times when they aren’t and that’s okay. 

Relying on God and living from within is not easy. I believe it is a spiritual discipline to live this way. We have to choose to live from the power that lives within us. I’ve been a Christian a long time. I’ve studied scripture for years. I love God’s word. But, there is so much more to our relationship with Christ. We truly live when there is communion between our inner selves, our parts and our transcendent God. We are able to live the way God designed us to live when we invite our parts to heal and be transformed by the Holy Spirit. 

It takes a lot of practice to rely on God and not ourselves. I try to start my day spending time with Him. He needs to be my focus each and every day. I read and journal so I can get my thoughts down on paper. I close may eyes and go within myself and ask the Holy Spirit to be in charge of my day, my thoughts, words and actions. If I know I am going to be in a difficult situation, I ask Him to help the parts that might get activated. I don’t always know what’s going to happen, so I pray for guidance, protection, help, deliverance, wisdom, etc.

I am far from perfect. I struggle daily to put Him first. But, the fact is, we have a Savior who lives within us who wants to help us live our lives. I have to remind myself daily that there is a great power that is living within me. Even after fifty-four years with Christ, I still struggle allowing Him to be Lord over my life. Maybe you do too!

Like Paul stated, “I do what I do not want to do because of the sin that lives within me. I have the desire to do what is right, but not the ability to carry it out.” We have to lean on the Holy Spirit because we simply can’t do it on our own.

If you are struggling with allowing the Holy Spirit to be the power that lives within you, I’d like to pray for you. I know how easy it is to forget Who is living inside of me. May this prayer help you awaken the power that lies within you. 

“Lord, You know us better than we do ourselves. We come before You and thank You for living inside of us. Thank you for the power You give us. Thank you for the parts that have developed within us throughout the years. They need You. They need You to sit, listen and talk with them. They need Your healing touch. They might be stuck in the past, and have been deeply hurt. A few might be hanging on to sin because it makes them feel safe and secure. And, some are still struggling to be led by You because of abusive people in their lives. Whatever has happened to them, they need you.

Lord, you know what each part needs. I pray for complete restoration. I pray they will choose to be led by You. Lord, please bring them into a right relationship with You. Help them unload what needs to be unloaded. Help them to trust You. We ask You to never stop working and healing, so they can fully embrace their identity in You. 

You are our hope. You are our answer. Thank you for the power that lives within us. May we tap into it more and more every day. May healing move within us. We thank you and we love you!”

In Jesus precious name we pray, 

AMEN!!!

I am praying this prayer for myself and for all of you! 

Until next time….This is my journey to joy!

There Is Something About The Eyes

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Are you affected by the way someone looks at you? I mean the way their eyes look at you. When I look at someone’s eyes, my surveillance system goes into action. Do I see anger? Do I see acceptance? Do I see love? If I see anger, I usually respond by doing anything I can to get that look out of their eyes. I please and perform or I recoil and run away. 

I’ve often wondered why the eyes have so much power over me. Why do I care? Why do they affect me the way they do? Now, I know why.

“We know from human biology and attachment theory that babies connect with their mothers or caregivers nonverbally and through the eyes. The ‘maternal gaze’ is a beautiful moment of intimacy and profound connection. Unspoken love is communicated through the eyes, and it is a powerful knowing.” Crete

“Unspoken love is communicated through the eyes, and it’s a powerful knowing.” WOW!!!!  Think about it. We receive unspoken love through the eyes from the day we are born. We instinctively know when we aren’t receiving the love and affection we were made to receive. Our inmost self longs for the gaze that makes us feel loved and accepted. We sense what needs to be done so we can receive the unconditional love we yearn for.

I’ve become very good at reading eyes. I had a wonderful mother who showed me eyes of devotion and love, but my dad’s eyes were a different story. His angry eyes were what controlled me. When I saw that look, I went into pleasing mode. I got out of his way by leaving the room he was in. I would also leave the house because I just couldn’t stand to see that look in his eyes. I did everything I could to get rid of it. To this day, if I see that look from someone else, I still react in the same manner. 

How can I, or we, still react the way we do when that person or persons is no longer here? How can something that happened years ago still affect us? I’ve read and studied and counseled for years trying to understand why the eyes have so much power over me. Even though I received the love and acceptance I needed from my mom, my dad’s eyes were the ones that impacted me. Like most things in life, the negative has more power over the positive.

There is much to know about how our brains work. As we mature, our brains develop neural pathways that grow deep roots in responding a certain way. That’s why something that happened years ago can still run our lives. But, here’s the good news. God also gave us a brain that can develop new pathways so we aren’t stuck responding the same way forever. We actually have the ability to rewire our brains to respond differently.

The rewiring process takes time and a lot of patience. You have to get in touch with your inner self and the parts that you’ve developed through the years. I read a lot. I also have a counselor that helps me. And, I pray and ask Jesus to help my parts heal. Especially, the part that has so many issues with the eyes.  

“Our inner world is often under attack by lies and false beliefs. Our distorted God images and our low self-esteem cause us to experience high levels of anxiety. One of the ways God protects us from this is to reveal His true nature and affirm our true identity as His children. He does this by empathizing with us, and then lifting us up so that we no longer live in fear. Jesus loves in a way that defies all logic and convention.” Crete

When I accepted Christ into my life, I was twelve years old. Even at the ripe old age of twelve, I instinctively knew I needed Jesus. At that time in my life, I couldn’t admit I was abused. I didn’t realize how messed up I was. I didn’t have a clue what my journey with Christ was going to be like, but I just knew I made the right decision. I’ve always known He was the only way I was going to survive. 

I want to be as honest and transparent as I can be with you. Yes, I’ve had a deep relationship with Christ for fifty-four years. I believe everything He says in His word. I still want to live out my days following Him. But, there are parts within me that still need His healing touch. They have issues to overcome. There are still parts that wrestle with Him over the things that have happened. I’ve had to realize it might take a lifetime to heal, but knowing that “He who began a good work in you will continue His work until it is finally finished on the day when Jesus Christ returns,” brings me comfort. Philippians 1:6

Let’s get back to the eyes. I need to see the loving eyes of Jesus. But, how do we look into His eyes when we can’t really see Him? How do we train our brains and our parts to look for His eyes?

God has always been faithful to bring a book, a Bible study, scripture, and even social media posts to help me when I am struggling. (Yes, there are positive social media posts!) I happened to be scrolling on Instagram and saw a post of Frances Chan speaking at a conference. He was standing on stage with his daughter beside him. He was talking about how excited he was to be able to be there with his daughter. Then, he gave his daughter a big hug and while he was holding her, he said these words, ”Does your prayer life look anything like this? Be honest. Is this how you feel when you pray? Just absolutely secure. Seriously, think about your time with the Lord this morning. Did it look like this?”

I began crying and thinking, “Do I realize every single day that I am God’s daughter? Do I picture the Lord holding me? Do I see Him the way I should? Can I picture Him looking at me with love in His eyes? Do I allow Him to make me feel secure and safe? Do I feel like I am worthy of all of that?” 

If I am to be perfectly honest, my answer to those questions was,“No!” But, I want to feel Him holding me and loving me. I want to feel like I am safe and secure. I want to feel like I am worthy of all of that. I want to see Him lovingly looking at me. I want His gaze to carry me through my days instead of the awful memories I have of my dad looking at me.

I knew I needed to find an image of Jesus that showed Him smiling with laughter and love in His eyes. I searched for images online until I found the right one. I took a picture of it and stored it on my phone. Now, I have a visual reminder of who Jesus is to me. Until I see Jesus face to face, I will gaze at the picture stored on my phone and reflect on the look in His eyes.

He is our gentle, healing presence. Hosea 11:34 He is living among us. Hosea 11:9  He hears us cry out and rescues us from our troubles. He is near to the broken-hearted and saves the crushed in spirit. Psalm 34:17-18

“Even though others have hurt us and betrayed us, our loving God loves us and is with us. He wants to relieve us of our burdens and take us to safety. We can ask God for His peace and allow His love to sit with us a bit today.” Crete

My daily challenge is to look at the face of Jesus I have on my phone. I close my eyes and picture Him holding me and smiling at me. I look for the love in His eyes. I must remember His eyes above all others. I must remember He brings safety and security and He cares for every single part I have within me.

I know how hard it is to see Jesus the way we should. Some days are easier than others, but I am going to keep putting one foot in front of the other walking towards Him. He knows there is much to overcome, but He is the One who brings restoration and new life within us. 

I pray my words will minister to you. I pray God will give us eyes to see Him as He truly is. There are many things in this world that try to take us down, but if we can keep our eyes focused on Him and His truth, He will give us what we need to endure. We are in Him and He is in us. 

John 14:18-20  

      “No, I will not abandon you as orphans—I will come to you. Soon the world will no longer see me, but you will see me. Since I live, you also will live. When I am raised to life again, you will know that I am in my Father, and you are in me, and I am in you.”

Until next time dear friends. This is my journey to joy!

There’s A Lot Going On In There

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Happy Spring! It’s so good to be writing again. The picture, that I am using for this post, is a symbolic view of how I feel on the inside most of the time. I can’t believe I am allowing myself to use this photo and be this transparent! I guess you could say that I feel like a weirdo most days. And maybe, there might just be some of you that feel the same way I do!

My husband just retired and the reality of being in this phase of life has been a bit unsettling and overwhelming. How am I already here? My life is two thirds over, and frankly, I am not ready for that reality. I’ve spent so many years just trying to survive that I don’t feel like I’ve had very much time to thrive. 

I am very grateful I’ve made it to this stage of life, but it’s been a hard road for me. I still struggle with some of the things that happened to me as a child. But, through my struggles, God is showing me how He made our bodies to work. The more I learn, the more I am blown away by God. 

“Each person has an internal system with individual parts. Our parts have memories, feelings, beliefs, perspectives and impulses that are unique to them. There are parts that hold negative beliefs and painful feelings associated with challenging and traumatic life experiences and that remain integrated. A wounded part carries a burden from a past trauma. This part may be stuck at a child’s developmental stage.” Crete

I’ve known, for a very long time, that I have some parts that are stuck in my childhood. One of those parts struggles with her self-image. She is easily triggered by the comments of others. She has a hard time believing she is worthy. She has many negative beliefs and feelings because she was deeply wounded by her dad and others. When she looks in the mirror, she can only see the things that are wrong with her. This part thinks, “There must be something wrong with me or I would have been treated better.” She is one of my parts that has really struggled moving forward.

All of us are made with an inner system. At the center of our inner system, is our inner self or true self. “This is where there is calm, compassion, courage, creativity, clarity, curiosity, connectedness, patience, persistence, perspective, playfulness, and presence.” Crete  Then, we have our parts that flow from our inner selves. 

I realize the concept of parts and having an inner system might seem foreign to you, but hang in there with me. What I am going to share with you is going to make sense and help you understand why you are the way you are. I saw an illustration of our parts and inner self that has helped me understand what is going on inside of us. 

The illustration I saw had a circle drawn on a page. Inside the middle of the circle, “inner self” was written. Then, there were lines coming from the circle. It looked like a rough drawing of the sun. The lines represent the parts we have. So, I decided to draw a circle in my journal with lines coming from the circle. Then, I put the names of the parts I have on the lines coming from the circle. 

Now, be prepared to have your mind blown!!!! If you have any doubts about the concept of parts and inner self, what I am going to share with you will make this concept clearer.

“Although God is One. God is also a harmony of three divine persons.” Crete

Three parts. One God. “God is both unity and a multiplicity. And as created beings made in God’s likeness, we share in some manner this inner multiplicity.” Crete

I read those words over and over again and threw my notebook down. I got up from my chair and walked around. I got shivers all over my body. My God also has parts. I mean I kind of knew that, but I didn’t understand the depth of this concept.

Now, let’s take this a step further. In scripture, “God reveals Himself as a Creator, a Helper, a Savior, a Rock, a Refuge, a Consuming Fire, a gracious and compassionate Sovereign, a Judge, a Burning Bush, and even a Cloud.” Crete

After I read those words, I drew another circle. Inside this one I wrote “GOD.” Then, I drew lines from the circle and wrote on each line Creator, Helper, Savior, Rock, Refuge, Consuming Fire, Sovereign, Judge, Burning Bush, Cloud. There are also so many more!

We are told in Genesis, that we are made in God’s image. So, that means the parts of our self-system express the multi-dimensional nature of who we are. We have parts that have roles in our lives, just like God does. I am convinced, more than ever, that we have an internal system that wants to be in harmony with our Creator because He made us that way!

God is three persons one God. We are one person with many parts that take on roles in our lives. We develop our parts or roles as we develop during the many phases of our lives. Remember, our parts have feelings, memories, beliefs, perspectives and impulses. 

I mentioned, at the beginning of my post, that I’ve spent so many years of my life surviving instead of thriving. I have many parts that have been in survival mode for so long, that they are having a hard time realizing they don’t have to function that way any more. That’s why healing has been a much longer process than I thought it would be. There are layers and layers of hurt and pain that have kept them in a vicious cycle of survival. 

When I lost my mom two years ago, my parts strongly reacted to losing her. My inner system was turned upside down. She was a secure connection for me. She was someone I could count on. She was the parent who showed me unconditional love and she was also the strongest influence in my life. 

The first year she was gone, some of my parts coasted through that year because I think some of them were in shock. But, when the second year hit, my parts started unraveling. My brain knew she was healed and happy to be with Jesus. But, my body and my parts were freaking out because she was gone. She was a life line for me. 

I’ve shared this statement before, but I will share it again. “Our minds can forget what happened to us, but our bodies never forget.” That’s why it is so important that we learn to work with our parts and listen to them. We have to go deep within ourselves and ask God to help our parts and realize He is a secure connection for us. He is right there, in the center of our being, ready to help us move forward.

My journey has not been easy. But, I am so thankful that I have a part within me that has a stubborn persistence to pursue answers and truth in my life. That part has kept me determined to follow God. Without God, I’m not so sure I could have survived my relationship with my dad.

I have so much more to share, but I am going to stop here for now. I will continue to talk about our parts in the next post. I find the fact that God made us with an inner system quite fascinating. The way our parts work and the fact that He is at the center of our being is really amazing. I pray what I’ve shared and will share, will be extremely helpful to you with your own journey. 

“The Lord is a refuge for the oppressed; A Stronghold in times of trouble.” Psalm 9:9

I have to be reminded constantly that Jesus is functioning at the center of my being. My parts need Him desperately. so they can move forward and heal. He is our Secure Connection. He is our Stronghold. He is our Redemption. He is our Refuge. He is our way back to Restoration. He is the healer of our parts.

There is so much more to share with you. I’ve just scratched the surface in this post. Please take the time to go within yourself. Grab your journal and draw the illustration of the circle and the parts. Ask God to show you your parts. Listen to Him. Get to know your parts because they have a lot to say. I know, from personal experience, it’s awkward at first to go within and find your parts. Be patient and be kind with yourself. This work is worth the time and the effort! 

Until next time dear friends. This is my journey to joy (and thriving!!!!)

What’s Anger Got To Do With It?

Published on by foolforchrist117Leave a comment

You might think it strange that I pick a topic like anger to talk about during the holiday season. To be honest, I’d rather not talk about anger. But, God has been gently prodding me to look at myself, face the anger that has been buried deep within, so I can heal, learn, and make changes in my life. Who wants to admit they have anger issues? Does anyone really admit they do? It’s a topic you just don’t sit down and talk about over a cup of coffee.

It’s also a topic that people don’t like to admit they have a problem with. When is the last time you heard someone say, “I’d like to talk with you about the anger I have within me?” I’d venture to say that rarely happens. But, once again, God calls me to talk about something that I’d rather not talk about. (He’s really good at doing that!)

So, here is my story with anger. When I was growing up, my father was especially difficult to live with during the holidays. I don’t know why he was the way he was. He was definitely a Scrooge. I would ask my mom why he was even angrier at that time of year, but she didn’t have an answer. I think she was afraid to ask him why the holidays set him off. My mom, brother and I tried so hard to get him to enjoy Christmas by being on our best behavior and being thankful for what we got. But no matter how hard we tried, he was still a Scrooge. 

We always knew when my dad was angry, but my anger developed into something very different than my dad’s. You didn’t see mine very often. My explosion was happening deep within me. You would never know I am angry because I am not going to let you see it. I made a pact with myself when I was a child not to react like my father…ever! So, I buried and pushed aside my true feelings and allowed them to simmer deep within me. Which is so very healthy to do! (Sarcasm)

I might not be screaming and yelling outwardly, but inwardly, I am screaming. The words might not be coming out of my mouth, but I am thinking them. The problem with living like this is the fact that my heart is angry whether I say the words out loud or not. 

You might also say that the anger I see, or sense in others, frightens parts of me more than I can express. My body still reacts like it did when I was a child. I shake, freeze up and become very uncomfortable. I want to get away from the anger as fast as I can. But here’s the good news…  God is making me very aware of my anger issues, and being aware of how anger affects me, is helping me deal with it. 

Bottom line…anger is a heart issue. If we don’t deal with our anger, we allow resentment and bitterness to fester, and that my friends, is never good! When I look back at my life, and the years I had with my dad, I remember a man who was taken over by his anger. He wasn’t living his life for Jesus. He was living from a very sick and angry heart. He was allowing the wrong things to rule his life. Watching him day after day live like this, had a deep impact on me. He broke my heart on a daily basis.

An angry heart not only affects the person who is angry, but it also has a deep impact on the people who love that person. We must remember that fact. If you are angry, your anger is going to impact the lives of others. There is no way others aren’t going to be affected by your anger. So, we have to deal with the anger that lives within us, so we don’t hurt the relationships we have with others.

In order to talk about anger, we must look at what scripture says. Let me share some verses with you.

James 1:20 “The anger of man does not produce the righteousness of God.”

Colossians 3:8 “But now also put these things out of your life: anger, bad temper, doing or saying things to hurt others, and using evil words when you talk.” 

Ecclesiastes 7:9 “Do not be quickly provoked in your spirit, for anger resides in the lap of fools.”

I don’t know about you, but I don’t want to be a fool. Most of us have many reasons to be angry, but the anger of man does not produce the righteousness of God. I grew up thinking most of my anger was righteous because my dad was abusing me. But, now I understand that letting anger take root, no matter the circumstances, isn’t healthy or good and is a sin. We must take our anger, our bad tempers, our evil words and lay them at the feet of Jesus.  

I know most of us have been wronged at some point in our lives. We feel justified to be angry. We are human and we are going to get angry, but God is the only one who is equipped to handle our anger because He is righteous and we are not.

“Do not take revenge, my dear friends, but leave room for God’s wrath, for it is written:

‘It is mine to avenge; I will repay,’ says the Lord.” Romans 12:19

I am going to be completely honest. It’s hard for me, to admit to you, what I am about to say. I wanted my dad to die many, many times, so we could be rid of him and his hurtful ways. I wanted him to go away and never come back. His continual abuse ruined my brother and almost ruined me. That verse from Romans, made me stop in my tracks so many times and turn to God. I would pray and ask for forgiveness for my thoughts and ask for God to deal with my dad and avenge the many wrongs.

My sweet momma prayed for my dad every single day. I would be so mad at him, she would be too, but she would automatically pray. I can still hear her words so vividly. “Laurie, we must pray for those who hurt us. We must pray for your dad’s heart to change. We must pray for our own hearts to be right before the Lord.”  

I pray this verse all the time. “Create in me a clean heart, O God; and renew a right spirit within me.”  Psalm 51:10

Proverbs 4:23 “Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it.” 

My mom knew our battle wasn’t against flesh and blood. I had a harder time accepting that fact because my dad was doing so much damage. Even though, I felt like I was in a battle every day with my dad, I was really in a battle against the evil he was allowing to reign in his life. I am now able to see that evil was trying to take me and my family down. But by the grace of God, and a very stubborn spirit within me, I wasn’t going to let Satan win in my life. 

“For we are not fighting against flesh-and-blood enemies, but against evil rulers and authorities of the unseen world, against mighty powers in this dark world, and against evil spirits in the heavenly realms.” Ephesians 6:12

“The human heart is capable of staggering evil.” Hansen  

I actually feel like I’ve been in a fight against evil since the day I was born. If we are light, then we will be fighting darkness. Satan does not want us to win. He doesn’t want unity. He doesn’t want love to reign. He wants families torn apart. He wants us fighting each other causing all kinds of harm. He wants division within all of us. 

Look, I know how difficult it is to not be offended by others. God made aware of how easily I become offended this past year. It’s human to get angry, but we can’t hang on to it. When I get angry, I try to stop what I am doing and start talking to God. I tell Him how I feel, ask for forgiveness and then ask for His help with my anger. Then, comes the hard part. I pray for the person, who is ticking me off, and ask God to help me forgive them. I do this so bitterness, anger and contempt doesn’t take root in my heart. I KNOW HOW HARD THAT IS TO DO!!!!

I am speaking to myself as much as I am you. I have failed many, many times in this area of my life. We are really good at pointing out how people tick us off, but here are some questions we must ask ourselves. (Take a deep breath) Why am I so angry? Is there unresolved anger in my heart? Am I bitter? Am I resentful? What does my heart look like towards someone? Hard questions to ask, but very necessary so we can react differently to anger within ourselves and others. 

We have to see people and ourselves for who we are. Everyone is a sinner in need of a Savior. There are some people who are living from an evil heart. There are some living from a broken heart. There are some living from an angry heart. Some people just don’t care if they hurt you. We have to learn to be like Jesus. “Forgive them Father, for they know not what they do.” Luke 23:24 

“Im not responsible for changing people’s lives. I’m responsible for faithfully loving them. As a believer, that means pointing them to a God who dearly wants them and for whom I happen to know they yearn. I don’t control anyone, because that’s God’s job. That’s His deal. I can just enjoy and love people.” Hansen

Let me say this to anyone who is struggling with an angry person in your life. It is not your job to change them. I wish I would have learned that lesson a lot sooner in my life. When you love someone, you want to see them happy, but it is not your job to make them happy. You will end up hurting yourself in the long run. 

The holidays can bring out all kinds of emotions in people. I’ve lived it and seen it. I’d like to share with you what I’ve learned. We have to be on the offensive. Pray before you go to a party or a gathering. Realize there are going to be people there who might make you angry. Ask God to give you a clean heart and a right spirit within you and be ready to forgive. You are responsible for you and no one else. PRAY!

Remember, it is God’s job to work in their lives and in ours too. We must let go of our expectations and agendas for God and let Him work the way He knows is best. I know how hard it is to do that! We have to lean on Him for everything; be in communication with Him constantly; listen to what He wants us to say or do; and live our lives by giving each and every day and situation to Him. 

Merry Christmas everyone! Thank you for reading my posts. I pray the Lord is using them to help you in your walk with Christ. I am so grateful to God for allowing me to write and share with you what He has done and is doing in my life. I give Him all the praise and glory! I wouldn’t want to do life without Him. Looking forward to what He will show us in 2026. Let’s get ready to see a great light!

“The people walking in darkness have seen a great light.” Isaiah 9:2

Until next time dear friends. This is my journey to joy.