Are you affected by the way someone looks at you? I mean the way their eyes look at you. When I look at someone’s eyes, my surveillance system goes into action. Do I see anger? Do I see acceptance? Do I see love? If I see anger, I usually respond by doing anything I can to get that look out of their eyes. I please and perform or I recoil and run away. 

I’ve often wondered why the eyes have so much power over me. Why do I care? Why do they affect me the way they do? Now, I know why.

“We know from human biology and attachment theory that babies connect with their mothers or caregivers nonverbally and through the eyes. The ‘maternal gaze’ is a beautiful moment of intimacy and profound connection. Unspoken love is communicated through the eyes, and it is a powerful knowing.” Crete

“Unspoken love is communicated through the eyes, and it’s a powerful knowing.” WOW!!!!  Think about it. We receive unspoken love through the eyes from the day we are born. We instinctively know when we aren’t receiving the love and affection we were made to receive. Our inmost self longs for the gaze that makes us feel loved and accepted. We sense what needs to be done so we can receive the unconditional love we yearn for.

I’ve become very good at reading eyes. I had a wonderful mother who showed me eyes of devotion and love, but my dad’s eyes were a different story. His angry eyes were what controlled me. When I saw that look, I went into pleasing mode. I got out of his way by leaving the room he was in. I would also leave the house because I just couldn’t stand to see that look in his eyes. I did everything I could to get rid of it. To this day, if I see that look from someone else, I still react in the same manner. 

How can I, or we, still react the way we do when that person or persons is no longer here? How can something that happened years ago still affect us? I’ve read and studied and counseled for years trying to understand why the eyes have so much power over me. Even though I received the love and acceptance I needed from my mom, my dad’s eyes were the ones that impacted me. Like most things in life, the negative has more power over the positive.

There is much to know about how our brains work. As we mature, our brains develop neural pathways that grow deep roots in responding a certain way. That’s why something that happened years ago can still run our lives. But, here’s the good news. God also gave us a brain that can develop new pathways so we aren’t stuck responding the same way forever. We actually have the ability to rewire our brains to respond differently.

The rewiring process takes time and a lot of patience. You have to get in touch with your inner self and the parts that you’ve developed through the years. I read a lot. I also have a counselor that helps me. And, I pray and ask Jesus to help my parts heal. Especially, the part that has so many issues with the eyes.  

“Our inner world is often under attack by lies and false beliefs. Our distorted God images and our low self-esteem cause us to experience high levels of anxiety. One of the ways God protects us from this is to reveal His true nature and affirm our true identity as His children. He does this by empathizing with us, and then lifting us up so that we no longer live in fear. Jesus loves in a way that defies all logic and convention.” Crete

When I accepted Christ into my life, I was twelve years old. Even at the ripe old age of twelve, I instinctively knew I needed Jesus. At that time in my life, I couldn’t admit I was abused. I didn’t realize how messed up I was. I didn’t have a clue what my journey with Christ was going to be like, but I just knew I made the right decision. I’ve always known He was the only way I was going to survive. 

I want to be as honest and transparent as I can be with you. Yes, I’ve had a deep relationship with Christ for fifty-four years. I believe everything He says in His word. I still want to live out my days following Him. But, there are parts within me that still need His healing touch. They have issues to overcome. There are still parts that wrestle with Him over the things that have happened. I’ve had to realize it might take a lifetime to heal, but knowing that “He who began a good work in you will continue His work until it is finally finished on the day when Jesus Christ returns,” brings me comfort. Philippians 1:6

Let’s get back to the eyes. I need to see the loving eyes of Jesus. But, how do we look into His eyes when we can’t really see Him? How do we train our brains and our parts to look for His eyes?

God has always been faithful to bring a book, a Bible study, scripture, and even social media posts to help me when I am struggling. (Yes, there are positive social media posts!) I happened to be scrolling on Instagram and saw a post of Frances Chan speaking at a conference. He was standing on stage with his daughter beside him. He was talking about how excited he was to be able to be there with his daughter. Then, he gave his daughter a big hug and while he was holding her, he said these words, ”Does your prayer life look anything like this? Be honest. Is this how you feel when you pray? Just absolutely secure. Seriously, think about your time with the Lord this morning. Did it look like this?”

I began crying and thinking, “Do I realize every single day that I am God’s daughter? Do I picture the Lord holding me? Do I see Him the way I should? Can I picture Him looking at me with love in His eyes? Do I allow Him to make me feel secure and safe? Do I feel like I am worthy of all of that?” 

If I am to be perfectly honest, my answer to those questions was,“No!” But, I want to feel Him holding me and loving me. I want to feel like I am safe and secure. I want to feel like I am worthy of all of that. I want to see Him lovingly looking at me. I want His gaze to carry me through my days instead of the awful memories I have of my dad looking at me.

I knew I needed to find an image of Jesus that showed Him smiling with laughter and love in His eyes. I searched for images online until I found the right one. I took a picture of it and stored it on my phone. Now, I have a visual reminder of who Jesus is to me. Until I see Jesus face to face, I will gaze at the picture stored on my phone and reflect on the look in His eyes.

He is our gentle, healing presence. Hosea 11:34 He is living among us. Hosea 11:9  He hears us cry out and rescues us from our troubles. He is near to the broken-hearted and saves the crushed in spirit. Psalm 34:17-18

“Even though others have hurt us and betrayed us, our loving God loves us and is with us. He wants to relieve us of our burdens and take us to safety. We can ask God for His peace and allow His love to sit with us a bit today.” Crete

My daily challenge is to look at the face of Jesus I have on my phone. I close my eyes and picture Him holding me and smiling at me. I look for the love in His eyes. I must remember His eyes above all others. I must remember He brings safety and security and He cares for every single part I have within me.

I know how hard it is to see Jesus the way we should. Some days are easier than others, but I am going to keep putting one foot in front of the other walking towards Him. He knows there is much to overcome, but He is the One who brings restoration and new life within us. 

I pray my words will minister to you. I pray God will give us eyes to see Him as He truly is. There are many things in this world that try to take us down, but if we can keep our eyes focused on Him and His truth, He will give us what we need to endure. We are in Him and He is in us. 

John 14:18-20  

      “No, I will not abandon you as orphans—I will come to you. Soon the world will no longer see me, but you will see me. Since I live, you also will live. When I am raised to life again, you will know that I am in my Father, and you are in me, and I am in you.”

Until next time dear friends. This is my journey to joy!