My Life: A Lifetime Movie

Have you ever felt like your life was like a movie on the Lifetime Channel? I sure have. I have definitely had enough drama to last a lifetime! HAHA! When I look at some of the people in the Bible, I feel like their lives could also be made into a movie and some even have. The character that fascinates me the most is David; the shepherd boy who became king. His life was full of intrigue, deception, adultery and triumph but despite that, he was a man after God’s heart.

One of the things that drew me to David was his own personal pursuit of God. David waited on God. Wait means “to lie in wait for someone…to expect, await, look for patiently, hope, to be confident, trust, to be enduring.” The Psalms are filled with him showing unwavering confidence in God as he waited for rescue from his circumstances. David was being pursued by Saul who wanted him dead and had to trust God to take care of him. David put his hope in God’s deliverance. David had confidence that God would protect him and keep him safe.

I don’t know if you have ever been hunted down by someone, but it isn’t fun. I felt that way all the time when my Dad wasn’t pleased with me. He made me feel like he was going to get me and hurt me. In his later days on earth, his mind was filled with rage towards me. I was his legal guardian due to his health problems and I had to make decisions for him and most of them he didn’t like. I felt hunted down, abused, discouraged, scared and confused because I was trying to do things the right way and he didn’t like it. He wanted to do things his way which most times was bad for him and for others. So, you can see why I was so fascinated by David and his ability to have so much confidence in God. David was still afraid but he knew in his heart God was in control. I would read Psalm after Psalm to try to be like David. I would try to have confidence in God’s protection, but that is hard to do when you are being hunted down.

I desired to be strong and steady, but many times I failed. I couldn’t understand why my father would want to hurt me. I was a good kid and loved my Dad and I couldn’t grasp his hatred for me. A father is not supposed to hate their child. He is supposed to love and protect her. I just couldn’t understand why. David didn’t do anything wrong either, but Saul wanted him dead. His motive was jealousy. I am not sure what my Dad’s motive was. I think he probably did things because he wanted to be in control of the situation. I had let him control me most of my life and now that I wasn’t, he didn’t like it.

David wrote in Psalm 103:8-10, “You are merciful and gracious; You are slow to get angry and full of unfailing love. You will not constantly accuse me, nor remain angry forever. You haven’t punished me for all my sins, nor do you deal with me as I deserve.” Wow! What a contrast from my earthly father. No wonder my brain had so much trouble grasping this concept. I had to pray daily for the Lord to help my brain receive the truth about Him.

Then the Lord spoke to me, “Laurie, you are my child. I want you to believe Me when I say that I will swoop down and devour your enemies. I will ride across the heavens to help you. Keep your eyes focused on Me. David looked to Me for his strength and comfort and I want you to do the same thing. I have overcome anything that you have done or will do. I want to fight the battles for you. You need to let Me. You need to let Me love you the way you need to be loved. My love for you is not based on what you have done, but based on My love for you. I created you and I love you no matter what you do. My love isn’t based on your performance. I want you to cry out to Me in your distress. I hear you. I will help you.”

Because my brain had been conditioned for so long to believe lies, I was having so much trouble accepting the truth that David so easily knew. He knew God was good and would be there for him. I want to share something I read in a book by Cloud and Townsend. “People who grow up with unrealistic standards from their parents, the media, or the culture often have an “ideal” person in their head to which they compare themselves, and the result is relentless guilt or shame. Their perfectionist standard beats them up daily. The reality is that we struggle to the degree we should, given what has happened to us.” I was beating myself up daily because I couldn’t grasp how good God was. I thought I was a worm because I struggled so much. God wasn’t mad at me; I was mad at me.

David’s trials drove him to God. He wasn’t afraid to cry out to God. I had to learn not to be afraid of God. I had to learn to tell Him everything that I was feeling and eventually I no longer felt condemnation. Again, I was the one condemning myself because I didn’t feel worthy of His love. This was because when I failed with my Dad, I experienced condemnation and loss of his love. I want to tell you that we never lose God’s love for us. He welcomes us with open arms and listens to us and helps us. If we need discipline, He does it in a way that promotes change in us. He always points us in the right direction. If you struggle with your concept of God, I invite you to open the book of Psalms and read it. It is a wonderful book filled with God’s amazing character and love for His people. Until next time friends and thanks for reading!

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