2023 was a year I will never forget. Like a rollercoaster ride, it has been a year of many highs and lows. But, with each high and low, there has been significant growth in my body. For the first time, in a very long time and maybe ever, my body is becoming resilient. And that, my dear friends, is a miracle and gift God is giving me!

Like a ship in a storm, I have been hammered and tossed around since I was born. I had to learn to fight to survive every single day of my childhood. I also had to learn strategies to help me maneuver through every situation I faced. Some of my methods were helpful and some were harmful to my body. They became habits that were imbedded deeply inside of me.

I wasn’t aware of what I’d done to myself until the panic attacks rose up inside me around my fortieth birthday. I will never forget the intense pain and fear I felt. I was scared to leave my house. At one point, I couldn’t drive. I couldn’t sleep. I felt like I was dying. Every day was filled with a deep fear that I wasn’t going to survive. 

But God used that horrible time in my life to show me that I needed to heal. I needed to start therapy. I needed to deal with what was going on inside me. My body was in crisis mode and I needed to stop and listen.  

So, I’ve been listening and tending to my body the past twenty four years. My body has slowly been healing. If I am going to be perfectly honest, it has taken much longer than I would have liked. But, now that I am able to look back, I am so grateful for every painful issue I’ve encountered. Every journal I’ve written. Every book I’ve read. Every Bible study I’ve been a part of. Every counseling session I’ve had—and there have been many!!!!

For years, I thought healing would be the answer to all my issues. But, what I’ve been given is so much more than healing. My reward is a deep, loving relationship with my Father, Savior and Holy Spirit. I wouldn’t trade that for anything this world could ever offer me. Don’t get me wrong, healing is wonderful, but my endgame has changed. I want to grow more, learn more, change more, and share more than I have before. 

Several years ago, God asked me to share my life by writing a blog. I asked Him several times if I was hearing Him correctly. I didn’t consider myself a writer and didn’t believe I was capable of doing what HE asked me to do. But, I wanted to be obedient and I knew in my heart that He would give me the ability to accomplish what He asked me to do. 

I am not the same person I was when I started writing. God continues to heal me; grow me and change me into the woman He created me to be. Because of Him, and only Him, I am able to share my life with you. 

This past year brought many challenges with my mom’s health. We were uncertain many times if she was going to be around another year. A few weeks ago, while Mom was lying in her bed, God gently reminded me to live day by day; To trust Him and His will; To hang on to my plans for the day loosely; To be willing to see that His way is perfect and good and to believe that He will always get it right. When I was able to do what He asked me to do, my body was filled with so much peace. He also filled me with the strength I needed to live out my day.

My prayer, and hope for myself and for you, is to learn to live day by day in 2024. To see Him more clearly as we give Him our days; To trust God is always going to get our days right, even when we struggle understanding what He is doing; To hang on to our plans loosely because His plan is even better than ours could ever be. May we find the peace and strength we need to live our days for Him.

Happy New Year my friends!!!!

Lamentations 3:23 “The steadfast love of the Lord never ceases; His mercies never come to an end; they are new every morning; great is they faithfulness.”