I Want You More

I gave my heart to Jesus when I was twelve years old. I was desperate to follow Him. I had a deep yearning for love, acceptance, knowledge, kindness and truth. I was going to church, involved in Young Life, studying the Bible, praying and living my life the way I thought I was supposed to. I kept myself busy with activities and ministry. I continued this all through college and into my twenties. I loved the Lord and followed Him as much as I could. Once I became a Mom, I made sure my children went to church and were involved in activities that pointed them to Christ. I wanted my children to accept Christ into their hearts and they did. My prayer was for them to love the Lord with all their heart, soul and mind. I didn’t care what they did as long as they followed the Lord. I knew that nothing else was more important than that.

One way Satan can get to me and make me afraid is with my children. I don’t want him anywhere near them. I say in my mind, “Back off Buddy! You cannot have them! They are not yours. They belong to the Lord God Almighty and you are not going to have victory in their lives!” I like to picture myself like Lara Croft and kicking his butt! (Now some of you are thinking she really is crazy!) When it comes to my kids or anyone I love, I tell Satan he better back off and walk away!

Of course because we live in a sinful world and we are sinners that have a habit of giving in to temptation, there have been many times I have been on my knees praying for these children of mine. They have gone through many ups and downs in life and the only way we have gotten through is by praying. One day when I was journaling, the Lord spoke to me. “Let me be your strength, Laurie. I will not fail you. I am not going anywhere. I will take care of your burdens. Keep your eyes on me. I am faithful. Don’t listen to the enemy. He is trying to get you to doubt and be afraid. I am the victor and  I have overcome the world. I can and will defeat him. He has no power over you or your children. He is a liar and a thief. He wants to destroy you, but I will not let him. I will take your daughters and make them into women who follow me. I will not let go of them. I am holding them in the palm of my hand.” The Lord knew I needed reassurance from Him. He had to reassure me all the time because of my fears. When you have extreme anxiety going on in your body, fear has a way of overtaking you even when your head is telling you the truth. Your body has a way of messing with your mind.

I was getting stronger in my faith by telling the Lord how I felt and then listening to Him respond to me. I was feeling more comfortable sharing things with Him. I pictured myself as a little girl laying my toys at His feet. When you are little your toys are your prized possessions, so for me to lay them at His feet was huge! My children are also my prized possessions, so I laid them at His feet too. I realized that the children He gave to me came from Him anyway. He gave them to me as precious gifts. I have this awful habit of telling the Lord what to do with my girls and how He should take care of them. I get a bit carried away in that area! The Lord spoke to me and said, “Laurie, I want you to remember that once I start a good work, I will not stop until it is finished. I am working in your life and in your children’s lives. I will not stop. I am greater than any circumstance put before you or them. You just wait and see what I am going to do. There is so much more for you to see me do before I am finished. You can have confidence in me. When I start something, I finish it! Watch me move!”

I have wanted so many things in my life. I have wanted a better marriage, my children to be healthy and happy, a better relationship with my Dad, stronger relationships with friends and family members, trips to go on, things for my house, etc. Most of you can relate to that list. But I can say that I have finally come to the realization that even though those things are good, nothing can satisfy me more than a vibrant relationship with my Lord. I had to come to the point that I wanted Him more than anything else in life. So, I finally said to Him, “Father, I want you to change my circumstances, but I want you more. I want this horrible anxiety to go away, but I want you more. I want you to help my child going through so much right now, but I want you more. I want to get to the point that even though I want these things to change in my life, I want a relationship with you more than those changes. I want our relationship to be the most important thing in my life. I want to see your face smiling at me as we walk through each day. I want to have complete faith and trust in you and your decisions in my life. I don’t want anything that you don’t want me to have. You are a good Daddy and you can only give good things to me.”

This might sound extreme to you, but when I decided that I wanted my relationship with the Lord more than anything else in life, I felt so much peace. I am not perfect and I have tried to take things back that I have given to Him, but then He reminds me that He is better at taking care of them than I am. His wisdom far surpasses mine. The Lord says to me, “Now Laurie, didn’t you give that to me? Why are you taking it back? Do you think I can’t handle it? Do you think you can do a better job? Are you getting impatient with me?” Then I say, “Sorry Lord! Thanks for reminding me that your ways are better than mine. I give it back to you and remind me again if I take it back please.”

I realize that giving things to the Lord is scary. We like to be in control and know what is going on, but I know that if I just sit back and trust Him, He will take care of me and everyone and everything I give to Him. I might not like the way He does things sometimes and I definitely don’t always understand, but He has me, everyone and everything in the palm of His hand. You can’t ask for any more than that! Until next time dear friends and thanks for reading!!!

Philippians 1:6 “Being confident of this, that He who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus.”

Deuteronomy 33:26-27 “There is no one like the God of Israel. He rides across the heavens to help you, across the skies in majestic splendor. The eternal God is your refuge, and his everlasting arms are under you. He thrusts out the enemy before you, it is He who cries, “Destroy them!”

Isaiah 41:10 “So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you: I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.”

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