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I have been seeing things with new eyes this Christmas. You know how you read something over and over again and it hits you in a different way. Well, that has been happening to me this Christmas. First of all, one of the main verses that has hit me with new meaning is Matthew 1:23. “She will give birth to a son, and they will call Him Immanuel, which means “God is with us.”

Most of my childhood and even into teenage years and adulthood, I felt very alone. I spent hours with other people but still felt very alone. I honestly didn’t realize that God was with me. And now this Christmas I realize even more that He is with me at all times no matter what is happening. I can see His great love for me even clearer than I have ever seen it before. The God of the Universe is with me through panic attacks, fear, times of despair, and well basically everything! I am finally realizing that fact. WHEW! Genesis 28:16 says, “Surely the Lord is in this place, and I wasn’t even aware of it.” That would be me!

I have always been a performance driven person. It has been a curse for me because I will drive myself into the ground to get things done. But I am learning that isn’t what Jesus wants for me. He wants me to be content just being with Him. He wants me to remember that I am His child. Ann Voskamp says, “God doesn’t want to number your failures or count your accomplishments as much as He wants you to have an encounter with Him.” She also says, “Why profane His coming with fleshly performance, frantic pushing, futile preoccupations?” He just wants me to sit and look at Him in wonder as the shepherds did the night He was born. He wants me to experience the wonder in having a relationship with Him. The fact that God loved me and you so much to send Jesus to be the ultimate sacrifice so we could spend eternity with Him is completely mind-blowing to me. Jesus came as a baby and would grow into a man who would ultimately have to die for all of our sins is almost too much to believe sometimes. This is what I would call “true love.” God came down to earth that night because He loved us so much! Just sit in the wonder of that for a few minutes. Think about it. There is so much to be grateful for!

And the fact that He loves us so much makes me think about His heart. Have you ever just sat down and thought about God’s heart towards you? I have been doing that a lot lately. Because I experienced a difficult relationship with my father all of my life, my thoughts about God’s heart were tainted by my experiences with my earthly father. I am now seeing God through new eyes. Deuteronomy 5:29 says, “Oh, that their hearts would be inclined to fear me and keep all my commands always, so that it might go well with them and their children forever!” God is looking at us as a father. He wants us to have hearts that are inclined to hear of His love for us. I realized as a parent that when I gave my children rules it wasn’t because I wanted them to just obey me. I wanted them to keep those rules because I knew it was best for them to follow them. I knew if they didn’t follow them they would suffer and I didn’t want my children to suffer. God is the same way. He loves us so much that He gives us His words to live by because He knows if we don’t, there will be consequences. Everything He does is from a loving heart. He is the ultimate father who gave His one and only Son to us. Jesus came out of love for us. Again, my brain has trouble understanding that kind of love. But, I am so extremely grateful!

And because of His great love for us, God didn’t choose nobility to fill His bloodline. He chose people who were just like you and me. He chose brothers who hated each other so much that they almost killed each other. He chose people who played favorites. He chose a prostitute. He chose a widow. He chose men who were willing to pass their wives off as sisters so they wouldn’t get killed. He chose brothers who sold their brother into slavery. And then He chose a young shepherd boy to be king. God chose the most unlikely people to be in His family tree so we could understand that we don’t have to be perfect. We just need to be forgiven. And for that I am also grateful!

I just have to share what Ann Voskamp says that has encouraged me so much this Christmas. “Every little thing is going to be okay because God is working good through every little thing. All that’s happening is happening to make miracles. The mundane is what’s making miracles.” It is so easy for me to get caught up in the mundane and what isn’t happening every single day, but God wants me to be looking at Him and trusting Him for the miracles. He wants to take the mundane and make something beautiful out of it. Just look at what He did with Jesus’ birth! He took a normal couple and called them to be the Mom and Dad of Jesus. Instead of having Jesus born in a palace, He chose a stable with animals. He humbly came unnoticed by most. God showed us that night what He can only do. He chose the mundane to produce a miracle. Again, I am beyond grateful!

Christmas is about the love of God. He sent His one and only Son to us to redeem us from our sins. He gave us the greatest gift we could ever get. The chance to open up our hearts to Jesus and let Him into our lives and accept Him as our Savior so we can live with Him forever! Ann Voskamp says, “The miracle of gifts….is never not coming. When your Father’s hand isn’t readily apparent, it’s only because He’s readying gifts. Gifts always come out of the unseen and hidden places.” I can tell you that a lot of my gifts have come out of some dark places in my life. Places I didn’t like living in, but I am so grateful that God has taken them and made them into good gifts.

I pray that you will take the time to come before Jesus and revel in the wonder of Him. There will never be anyone who is like Him because He is God in the flesh. He loves like no other because He is God. He forgives like no other because He is God. He works miracles like no other because He is God. He deserves our bended knees this season. He deserves our worship. He deserves our love. He deserves everything we can possibly give Him. He is our King and He is our Redeemer. And the funny thing about Him is that all He wants is a relationship with us. He wants to spend time with us. And really now that I think about it, isn’t that all we want as a parent? We want to spend time with our kids. We want to do things with them and we want them to enjoy being with us. It is that simple.

This is the message of Christmas. Jesus was born in a stable to become a man who had to die on the cross for our sins. He wants a relationship with you. He wants to share your life with you. He wants to forgive your sins for you. He wants to live with you forever. He loves you. No matter what has happened or happens to you, He is with you. He enjoys being with you and He wants you to feel the same. If you are struggling, reflect on Him. Look for Him. Pray to Him. Talk to Him. The simplicity of His birth is quite amazing. The God of the Universe came down that night to live among us. And for that, I will be eternally grateful.

I pray that you would look at Jesus with new eyes this Christmas. I pray that you would see His great love for you. Look for Him. Expect Him to turn your mundane into a miracle! Until next time…

“It is good to be children sometimes, and never better that at Christmas, when its mighty Founder was a child himself.”  Charles Dickens

I am writing to those of you that are struggling this holiday season. I have to tell you that my PTSD symptoms have been on high alert! For six weeks I have been struggling with them. Every day I wake up and wonder what the day is going to bring. Am I going to go into full out panic mode or am I going to have little bits of anxiousness off and on throughout the day? I have to get on my knees and go to God and say, “I simply cannot make it through this day without your help. I need you to hold my hand and get me through this day. I am crying out to you for your help and deliverance.”

I realize for a lot of people the holidays can bring a mixture of emotions. When I was little the holidays weren’t exactly the most wonderful time of the year. My father didn’t enjoy spending money on gifts, so he usually was in a bad mood. Now, in his defense, he wasn’t the most gifted person at doing anything mechanical or technical around the house, so putting up the Christmas tree was a real chore for him. It was always a live tree so he had to put it in the stand which usually required a ton of work to get it straight. Then, he would hunt for the saw in order to get rid of some branches. That saw made us run for our lives! (Just kidding) Once he got it in the stand, it might have toppled over a time or two. Then he would have to put the lights on the tree and usually a light or two would be out so you can imagine how much fun it was to hear the words that came out of his mouth over that! I can laugh about it now! But, as a child it kind of dampened the festive mood. Thankfully, the ornament hanging was left to us and he would just watch or leave the room.

I have been riddled with emotions this year because I am now an empty nester and it isn’t as much fun to decorate and get things out as it usually is. I miss the days when the kids were around to help me or see the excitement in their faces as we decorated the tree. I am realizing that they made the holidays for me. I have loved every single moment being their Mom and celebrating with them. This is my first Christmas decorating season with just the hubby. I have to say that I miss those girls of mine! I know it might sound ridiculous to you, but it is a loss for me. I love sharing all those special moments with them.

I have never been good at handling loss. The problem is I don’t grieve well. I was taught at an early age that pain doesn’t hurt by my Dad so I learned how to stuff my pain and move on. This past week, I was scrolling through my Facebook feed and stopped in my tracks when I saw a quote posted by my friend David Hampton. This quote by Peter Levine really made me think. It said, “Trauma is not what happens to us, but what we hold inside in the absence of an empathetic witness.” I started to cry. Tears started flowing as I realized that I went so many years without an empathetic witness in my life. As a little girl, I didn’t have anyone to run to or anyone to help me. I didn’t have anyone to talk to about things that were happening in my house.

I began to realize that I hadn’t understood or believed that I ever had an empathetic person to help me with the trauma in my life. I learned to keep it bottled up inside until my body couldn’t do it any longer. My brain told me to keep my mouth shut and just keep going. My counselor Marcia was the first person that I could tell everything to. I went so many years without realizing that I had someone else in my life that could understand and sympathize. God was my empathetic witness! He was the one person who has seen it all and had the supernatural ability to help me! I just didn’t realize that He wanted to help me with the trauma and wanted me to talk to Him about it. It took me a long time to feel safe enough to do it, but now I can tell you that He is the absolutely best person in the world to share your trauma with. He is more than capable to handle everything that you have been through. I still have days that I battle my old belief system that tells me I am all alone, but it is getting better. I cannot go by how I feel. I have to go by what scripture says.

Psalm 57:1-3 “Have mercy on me, O God, have mercy on me, for in you my soul takes refuge. I will take refuge in the shadow of your wings until the disaster has passed. I cry out to God Most High, to God, who fulfills His purpose, for me. He sends from heaven and saves me, rebuking those who hotly pursue me; God sends His love and His faithfulness.”

Deuteronomy 33:26-27 “There is no one like the God of Israel. He rides across the heavens to help you, across the skies in majestic splendor. The eternal God is your refuge, and His everlasting arms are under you. He thrusts out the enemy before you, it is He who cries, “Destroy them!”

If you are struggling this holiday season, I want you to know that you have an empathetic witness. His name is Jesus. Matthew 1:23 “The virgin will be with child and will give birth to a son, and they will call him Immanuel —which means, “God with us.” He is with us at all times, during any situation or issue, and ready and willing to help us. Matthew 28:20 It took me years to look at Him as someone who is always with me. It took me years to see Him as my Father. I still struggle with the concept that He loves me so much! I have to overcome my feelings with what God’s word says. He doesn’t lie because He isn’t capable of it. He speaks truth to us at all times. So if He says He loves you, then He does. If you want to see who God really is, look at Jesus. He is the visible representation of His Father. Everything that He tells us in His word is true.

I would also like to challenge all of us to be aware of our friends, relatives, co-workers and others that are struggling this holiday season. Let us be the feet of Jesus and reach out to them and let them know they have someone to listen to them or help them. Let us be aware of those that are hurting and might just need some encouragement from us. I am going to be perfectly honest and tell you that I could really use your prayers right now. I am struggling with a tremendous amount of anxiety. I am leaning on the Lord to get me through each day. I would love to be healed from this, but God has me in the palm of His hand, so I need to trust Him. I treasure your prayers so very much! If you would like to leave a prayer request with me, I would love to pray for you. Until next time dear friends…..

*The book featured in my picture is called “Unwrapping the Greatest Gift” by Ann Voskamp. She has something to share every day of December to keep us focused on the true meaning of Christmas. The picture in my post is from December 23 in the book. It features Matthew 1:23. She also has a devotional that is called “The Greatest Gift.” I highly recommend both!

It has been a year since I started my blog. It took a lot of convincing from the Lord to get me to do this because I didn’t feel like anyone would want to hear what I had to say. I battled back and forth for months with Him and then He reminded me that this was going to be a team effort and He would be there with me every step of the way. Because it is a team effort, I want you to know that the words that I write come from Him. I want you to know that my biggest desire is for the Lord to be glorified in what I say. I desperately want to be used by Him and I hope my words can be an encouragement to you. I want to say thank you for reading and I appreciate you so very much! Continue reading “One Year Ago” →

Have you ever been in a state of total confusion and lack of understanding in a situation? Your brain just can’t wrap itself around what is going on. You are so confused and completely disoriented by what just happened. Your mind is filled with so many questions and doubts and you want your questions answered but you know deep down inside that there is no answer that makes sense. That is how my life was for years. It seemed like I went from one assault to another and I didn’t have time to even take a breath. When I look back, I can’t believe I survived it! There were many times I didn’t think I would. I felt like a ball being tossed around and being dropped over and over again. Continue reading “When Life Throws You Curve Balls” →

I have a heart that wants to love, share, give, help, nurture and teach. My heart wants others to feel cared for and valued. I am a sucker for little kids and buying anything they sell and wanting them to feel special. I want to do anything I can to help them achieve success in what they are doing. Because I am like this, I have always had a hard time accepting people not caring and people being cruel to one another. I know that a lot of people say, “Well, nothing surprises me anymore.” But inwardly I must say that cruelty still surprises me. I still don’t understand why anyone could be cruel to someone else. Continue reading “Words” →