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There are a few things that I have struggled with most of my life. One of them is fear and the other is abandonment. When I was a little girl, I never felt safe in my home and I felt very alone. I kept most of my fear bottled up inside for years. I’m talking 40 years. That is a lot of trauma to keep bottled up inside! I wanted to protect the lie that I had been living for so long because in a strange way I thought I was protecting myself. I didn’t even talk to God about it. 

God has been working on me for years to open up to Him. Even though He knows what I have been through, He still wants me to talk to Him about it.  He wants me to bring it into the light. He wants me to tell Him “I am afraid” or “I don’t like this” or “I feel like I am not going to make it.” I had gotten into a destructive habit of not speaking things out loud to Him. Now, this might sound silly to you, but I have learned that things need to come into the light before they can be dealt with. If you keep things bottled up inside, that is not healthy. I had to come to the point where I felt safe saying things out loud to God. He really wanted me to tell Him things so He could help me deal with them.

Psalm 86:1-7 says, “Bend down, O Lord, and hear my prayer, answer me, for I need your help. Protect me, for I am devoted to you. Save me for I serve you and trust You. You are my God. Be merciful, O Lord, for I am calling on You constantly. Give me happiness, O Lord, for my life depends on You. O Lord, You are so good, so ready to forgive, so full of unfailing love for all who ask your aid. Listen closely to my prayer, O Lord, hear my urgent cry. I will call to You whenever trouble strikes, and You will answer me.”

He wants us to run to Him for help. That concept was hard for me to learn because I didn’t have anyone in my life that I felt like I could go to for help when I was a little girl. So, I believed a lie that there was no one to help me and I only had myself to rely on. Even though God knows what is going on, He still wants us to tell Him how we are feeling and turn to Him for help. King David has always fascinated me because he pours his heart out to God throughout the Psalms.

I would like to share a journal entry with you. “God, I have struggled so hard to find you and know you. You are my father and my friend. You want to hold my hand and walk with me. I don’t have to succeed to please you. You are pleased by me reaching out to you and asking you to help me live my life. You look at me with loving eyes and not condemnation. You know exactly what I need and you promise to supply my needs. I have felt so vey alone most of my life but I am never alone because you say you are with me. I need your comfort Lord. I need for you to hold me and never let me go. You are my kind, gentle and loving heavenly father. You accept me and love me because I am your child. You want me to pour my heart out to you and you want to wipe away my tears. I need your arms wrapped around me every day of my life. You are my God and I will trust in you.”

I have learned that God wants me to be brutally honest with Him and ask Him to help me in every situation. I have to get out of my mind and speak my thoughts out loud to Him. It is the only way I can deal with what I am feeling. For instance, I have to tell God when I am afraid and not beat myself up for being afraid. I have always been ashamed of my fear and very unwilling to admit it. I berate myself because God tells us to “fear not.” But, recently God asked me to look at that phrase a little differently. He told me that He is telling me not to fear because He is with me and taking care of me. He isn’t shaking his finger at me telling me to “fear not.” He is lovingly telling me that He doesn’t want me to fear because He is working and taking care of me. He wants me to tell Him when I am afraid so He can help me.

I have recently been shaken a bit with a medical condition that I have battled for a long time. I have gotten kidney stones for 40 years. Those little buggers are so painful and horrible. I usually can pass them on my own but there have been times when I have to have surgery to blast them so they will come out. Last week was one of those times. I am always fearful of surgery and this time was no exception. The doctor had to put a stint in and it was causing tremendous pain. I felt like I was going to die. They kept telling me to take more pain medicine, but I don’t like the way it makes me feel, so I tried to manage it on my own.

All of the emotions of being in pain and not being able to do anything about it came rushing back to me. When I was a little girl, one of my Dad’s favorite sayings was, “Pain doesn’t hurt!” So, I believed a lie that there was something wrong with me if pain hurt. My body was remembering all the years I suffered in silence with the pain I was in emotionally and physically. I didn’t have anyone to cry out to. I am telling you that when I was in pain I hid it from everyone; even my mother. I suffered in silence. But that is not what the Lord wants us to do. He wants us to cry out to him. I have had to teach myself to cry out to God. I have to allow myself to call on Him to help me. That has been a foreign concept to me for so many years. I actually told myself that I was a cry baby if I told God how I felt. And if I am honest, I told myself that He would let me down and not answer me. I was playing the comparison game between my earthly father and my heavenly father.

I have been reading Ann Voskamp’s book “The Broken Way” these past few months. She is teaching me so much! I would like to share a few things with you that she says.

1. “Trust Him in all this brokenness. It is a gift.”

2. “Abandonment is always a soul’s worst fear. Even when life abandons you, you are in the arms of God.”

3. “Satan’s literal name means ‘prosecutor.’ What seems to be undoing you, can ultimately remake you.”

4. “Something holy happens in broken places.”

So, I have decided that I am going to cry out, yell, scream, whatever I need to do to be honest with God about how I feel. I am going to trust Him in all my brokenness. I am going to trust Him with my pain. Pain is a sign that something is wrong. Even when I feel abandoned, I am in the arms of God. I am going to cling to the fact that what seems to be undoing me is going to remake me. And finally, something holy is happening in my broken places. I am not going to be ashamed any more for my feelings. I am going to fall at my Savior’s feet and ask for help.

My friend Patti sent me this verse because I asked for prayer for my shaken soul. 2 Corinthians 12:8-10 “Three different times I begged the Lord to take it away. Each time He said, ‘My grace is all you need. My power works best in weakness.’ So, now I am glad to boast about my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ can work through me. That’s why I take pleasure in my weaknesses, and in the insults, hardships, persecutions, and troubles that I suffer for Christ. For when I am weak, then I am strong.”

I am giving myself permission to boast in my weaknesses so that Christ’s power can work through me. We live in a world that doesn’t like to talk about the things that make us look weak. We shy away from sharing these things with one another. We want to look like we have it all together. But, I look at Paul and his mindset and I see how much God changed him. God gave him the strength to endure and He will do the same for us. Let’s ask Jesus to help us finish the race strong dear friends knowing that He has a holy work to do in our broken places! Until next time…

Happy Valentine’s Day! When I was a little girl, I remember getting so excited to go to school on Valentine’s Day. Our teachers helped us decorate Valentine bags with our names on them so the other kids could place their Valentine cards in them. I couldn’t wait to see who gave me a card and then see if someone I liked might have placed something special in there. (Those were the days!) I still love to get a card or a note because it really does makes me feel special. I even save my cards because I just can’t throw them away!

I think, no I know, that God’s love is so vastly different from any human experiences that we have ever had in life. Some of us have been blessed by being surrounded by lots of loving people in our lives. Some of us have had a few loving people in our lives and others have had none. We all come from different situations and some of us like me, have a hard time grasping what it is like to be loved by a heavenly father who loves with a perfect love because my earthly father was not so good in the loving category. Our earthly parents are our first encounter with love in our lives and if they are not so good at loving us, then our belief system is formed that we aren’t worthy of love. “If one of our parents can’t love us, then who can love us,” becomes our core thinking. 

For me, love has been painful and hard because of the experiences I had with my Dad. I did everything humanly possible to make him love me. I tried so hard to be what he wanted me to be that I almost sacrificed my sanity. Those of you that know me think I actually lost my sanity, but I am claiming it is still there! Ha Ha! I have regretted wasting all those years trying to get my Dad to love me until recently. I started reading Ann Voskamp’s book “The Broken Way” and came across this paragraph that made me think of myself. She says, “Jesus risked Himself on me. How can I not risk my life on you? You may not love me back. You may humble me, humiliate me, reject me, shatter my heart, and drive the shards into my soul—but this is not the part that matters. What matters is that in the act of loving we become more like the givenness of Love Himself. What matters most is not if our love makes other people change, but that in loving, we change. What matters is that in the sacrificing to love someone, we become more like Someone. Regardless of anything or anyone else changing, the success of loving is in the how we change because we kept on loving.”

I used to beat myself up because I continually tried to show my Dad love and he shattered my heart and drove the shards into my soul like Ann mentioned. But, now I see that I was doing my part because I was loving him like Jesus did. Now, I am not saying that anyone should allow someone to physically hurt them. I am talking about loving someone with the love of Christ. I didn’t realize until later in life that I needed boundaries with my Dad. Boundaries are good and we should have them. The mistake I made was continually watching for him to change. I felt like it was my job to make my Dad change and see the errors of his ways when in reality it was God’s job. I put myself in the wrong position. (Oldest child syndrome)

Love can be complicated with some people and it can be easy with others. Love can hurt and it can also bring you joy. God created us to love one another. He also commanded us to love. So how do we love those people out there that say cruel things, hurt us continually, disagree with us, cuss at us and turn their backs on us? We have to get on our knees and pray. Pray for the Holy Spirit to fill our hearts with God’s love even when we don’t want to. I hate to admit it but there are a few people out there that I would prefer not to love. I don’t even want to be in the same room with them. There are people out there that have hurt me to the core of my being. But, I am commanded to love them. So, I have to pray (sometimes through gritted teeth) for them and ask the Lord to forgive me for not loving them. I have to be honest with the Lord about my feelings and ask Him to help me change. I can’t do it on my own!

Before I can love anyone else, I need to realize how much Jesus loves me. I can’t love others until I fill my love tank up with the love of Christ. I can’t love others if my love tank is empty. I have to focus on God’s love for me and allow Him to love me before I can love anyone else. This has been a huge struggle for me most of my life. I really have to focus on scripture that tells me how much God loves me. I have to tell myself that I am loved by God. I also ask Him to tell me He loves me over and over again when I pray and spend time with Him. Allowing God to love me has been hard. I have built walls around my heart and it has been hard to let them down. But, I have learned that God’s love is so good and He would never hurt me. I can trust Him.

I personally know that I need to love more than I do. I need to pray for it more and I need to demonstrate it more. It is so easy for me to put up my protective wall and let someone else do the loving. But that isn’t what Jesus calls me to do. Love is risky. You put yourself out there when you love. You open yourself up for rejection and hurt. But, so did Jesus. He put Himself out there every single day of His life. He was loved by many but He was also rejected by many. He was spat on, yelled at, ridiculed, beaten and crucified. He did all of that because He loved us so much! Yikes! Now if I am honest, that makes me want to run and hide instead of love.

So, this is what I have to do. I have to look at Jesus and say, “Because you love me, I want to love like you do. I want to live my life for you. You know this is hard for me because I have been hurt so many times. I need for you to give me extravagant love for others. I need to look to you for help because I can’t do it on my own. I can’t love on my own. I need to open my heart to your love flowing through me. Help me to love so and so because it is really hard for me to love them. Forgive me for having such a hard time. Please fill me with your transforming love and thank you for loving me! Amen!”

If we have the Holy Spirit living inside of us, then we are capable of loving the difficult people in our lives. I have to remind myself that if Christ can love those who spat on Him, then so can I. If He can love those who rejected Him, then so can I. If He can forgive those who hated Him, then so can I. If He can love those who hurt Him, then so can I. “This is how we know what love is: Jesus Christ laid down His life for us. And we ought to lay down our lives for our brothers and sisters.” 1John 3:16

I am going to leave you with some thoughts by Ann Voskamp. “I am what I love and I will love you like Jesus, because of Jesus, through the strength of Jesus. I will love when I’m not loved back. I will love when I’m hurt and disappointed and betrayed and inconvenienced and rejected. I simply will love, no expectations, no conditions, no demands. Love is not always agreement with some, but is is always sacrifice for someone. We are all lovers compelled by love. Love or war, the answer is one and the same: I surrender.”

You are loved by the creator of the Universe dear friends. Our world doesn’t teach us to love like God does. I pray you will have your love tank filled with His love today and every day! Until next time…

There is something that is quite disturbing that is happening in our culture. I am sure all of you have noticed it. People in our country feel like they have a right to do or say whatever they want to say or do. I am not saying we don’t have rights, but it is how we choose to use those rights that is important. I know what it feels like to be abused by someone. I know what it feels like to be ignored. I know what it feels like to be afraid. I could go on and on with my issues but the point is, I choose to follow the example of Jesus. I am not perfect and there are times when I get mad, but going out and breaking a window and hurting innocent people is not the correct way to handle my anger. Do you really think that is what Jesus wants us to do? Do you really think that action is going to solve anything? Hate never solves anything and Jesus knew that. Martin Luther King, Jr. also knew that same principle. “I have decided to stick with love. Hate is too great a burden to bear.”

I realize that everyone has opinions but if you are a person that has given their life to Christ then I really think all of us need to be reminded of some general facts. Please understand me. I am not talking down to you. I am also reminding myself of how I am supposed to be living my life as well. For goodness sakes we are scaring the children with our actions and talk. So, take a time out and go to your room and think about what you are saying and doing. (I just had to add that!)

When Jesus was on this earth, He was hated and loved by many. He knew how to handle both types of people. He knew what to say and when to say it. He wasn’t afraid to speak truth. He depended on His heavenly father for help and support and that is what we are supposed to be doing as well. He spent hours in prayer every day so He could handle whatever came His way.

He taught many things but one very important principle He taught was about love. Matthew 5:44 says, “But I tell you: Love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you.” Luke 6:27 says, “But I tell you who hear me: Love your enemies, do good to those who hate you.” Now, I don’t know if you have ever had an enemy, but I have. It is also no fun when you have someone who hates you. I have always felt like I was a pretty good girl and I did what I was told and was a good employee and had a good work ethic, but sometimes there are people out there that just don’t like you. They even hate you and you don’t understand why. It made me very afraid when I was being hated and attacked. But, I am called to love that person back. I am called to pray for that person. I am not called to attack back. I know that is a foreign concept in our culture. Now, I am not talking about someone in an abusive situation. Get out or get help! I am not saying we should ignore wrongdoing either. But, we need to handle things the way Christ would want us to. Attacking each other is not the solution.

Really, we are not each other’s enemy. There is one enemy and his name is Satan. He is a liar. He is a thief. He is here to destroy our relationships and ourselves. He has been trying to destroy me since the day I was born. He is very deceptive and cunning. He knows how to get into our lives and work things around. We need to be aware of what he is doing at all times. We need to be on guard and the best way to do that is to know scripture and fight back with it because scripture is truth. Jesus shows us in Matthew 4:1-10 how to fight back. Satan tried to tempt him in his physical needs, his desires, his possessions, his power and his pride. Jesus did not give in. He did not waver. So, when you are tempted to shout at someone or lash out in anger or say things you will regret, please pause and pray and ask the Holy Spirit to help you be like Jesus. Respond in a way that brings life, not death to a situation. (I am preaching to myself as well!)

You see, I was yelled at most of my life. I was cussed at too. It isn’t fun being raised by someone who is full of anger. It made me very afraid. I felt like I was walking on egg shells most of my life. I never knew when the eruption would begin. So for everyone’s sake, please think before you speak and try not to speak in anger. You might not understand the damage you are doing to someone. We are called to speak the truth in love. Ephesians 4:15

I know there are many of us who prayed for this election. We prayed for God to put the right people into power. So, let’s think about this. If you prayed as I did, and you are not happy with who God put there, then you need to go to God and talk to Him about it. When you lash out about who He chose, you are lashing out at God Almighty. By your words, you are telling God He made a bad decision. Just take a minute and think about that. Does God make bad decisions? I don’t think so!!! So, please think about that! I don’t want anyone to be in trouble with God. Please take the time to get your heart right. This makes me think of the verse in John 8:7, “If any one of you is without sin, let him be the first to throw a stone at her.” In other words, we are not supposed to judge one another. We are all sinners and we all make mistakes. And for goodness sakes we are not supposed to judge God or His decisions. He is God and He doesn’t make mistakes! 

The bottom line is God is over our country and the whole world. Psalm 22:28 says, “For dominion belongs to the Lord and He rules over the nations” and Psalm 47:8 says, “God reigns over the nations; God is seated on His holy throne.” We need to trust Him and His decisions because He knows what He is doing. I know that is hard to do when you don’t agree with what is happening. But, remember God knows things we don’t know and He knows people’s hearts. We need to trust His ways. Deuteronomy 32:4 says, “He is the Rock, His works are perfect, and all His ways are just. A faithful God who does no wrong, upright and just is He.”

We as Christians need to remember we have a heavenly father who is large and in charge. We have to trust His ways. We need to agree to disagree and love one another as Christ commanded us to do. Hate should never be a solution to the problem. If you are struggling with hate, then go before the Lord and confess your sin and ask Him to help you with it. I have struggled with hate and anger before and the only thing hate did was hurt me. It eats us up and causes other issues like resentment and bitterness. We all know people who have let that happen to them and they are no fun to be around. Please go before the Lord and ask Him to help you. He will.

Can we please join together in praying for our nation and praying for each other? Can we please love one another and agree to disagree? Can we let the Lord handle our country and let Him do what He needs to do? After all, I really don’t want anyone else in charge. Do you? Everyone makes mistakes. Can we please pause and ask the Lord what He wants us to do and then respond in a manner that gives Him glory? Remember the children are watching. Until next time dear friends….

1 Peter 4:8 “Above all, love each other deeply, because love covers over a multitude of sins.”

Life can be challenging. Everyone on this earth has struggles, trials and setbacks. Since it is a new year many of us are trying new things that we hope will improve our lives. Whether it is exercising more or relaxing more or spending more time with your family or reading the Bible more, we want to make changes that put us in a better place or state of mind. I would like to share with you some of the teaching that has helped me improve spiritually, mentally and emotionally.

When I was in the worst shape of my life, I began to study God’s word with Beth Moore. That woman helped me in my relationship with God more than anyone else had been able to do before. She is real. She tells it like it is. She showed me how much God wanted a relationship with me. She showed me how she had broken free of so many things in her life. She was also abused as a child, so she was able to speak to my heart like no one had been able to do so before her.  She has been one of the most influential woman in my life because she was able to help me understand so many things.  If you ever have a chance to do a Bible study of hers, do it!

Beth also introduced me to journaling. She talked about the importance of writing things down. At the same time, my counselor was telling me to do the same thing. I wouldn’t have this blog today if I wouldn’t have journaled about my life. Journaling has been my way to deal with my life. I would write about my feelings, what I was learning, scripture I found, how my life was going, etc. For me, journaling became a type of therapy. It still is. When I write, I feel like I am sharing my life with God. And as I am writing, I can hear Him speaking to me. I have found intimacy with Him through journaling so that is why I recommend it.

There are so many scriptures that I have learned, but one of the main ones I learned in “Breaking Free” by Beth Moore is Isaiah 61:1-3. “The Spirit of the Sovereign Lord is on me, because the Lord has anointed me to preach good news to the poor. He has sent me to bind up the brokenhearted, to proclaim freedom for the captives and release from darkness for the prisoners, to proclaim the year of the Lord’s favor and the day of vengeance of our God, to comfort all who mourn, and provide for those who grieve in Zion—to bestow on them a crown of beauty instead of ashes, at the oil of gladness instead of mourning, and a garment of praise instead of a spirit of despair. They will be called oaks of righteousness, a planting of the Lord for the display of His splendor.”  That my friends, is what God wants to do in us!

Another woman who has helped me in my faith is Priscilla Shirer. I will never forget this concept that she taught me. “My friend, whatever you treasure in life—your kids, your marriage, the money you have made, the car you are driving, or the lifestyle that God has blessed you with—remember to hold it loosely so that it doesn’t hurt when God has to pry your fingers open to take it away. Don’t clutch it tightly. Always remember that your possessions are not truly yours. God gives them to us on loan to manage until He comes again.” She is referring to Matthew 6:21 when Jesus said, “Where your treasure is, there your heart will also be.” Now, there is nothing wrong with having great kids or a great marriage or having money or material possessions. But, I have to be very careful not to make anyone or anything more important in my life than God. Because when I do, I am putting them above God and that is not where they are supposed to be. Because I am a pleaser, it has been so easy for me to put my relationships before God. It is a daily struggle for me. I have to go to Him every morning and spend time with Him and make Him the most important person in my life. My husband and kids have to be second and third. I am a much better wife and Mom when I put the Lord first.

I can’t emphasize this next concept enough. If you are searching for answers or needing help with issues, please seek authors, counselors or pastors who have good sound biblical teaching or training. You need to look for people who point you to scripture and truth. In order to heal, I have had to read so many books and do many studies. I have found many women (because I am one) and men who have been able to help me on my journey. If you are searching for authors to learn from or studies to do, there are many to choose from. I would love to share with you who has helped me. You can message me and I will list them for you. God has blessed me with wonderful teaching. Each author has helped me in a different way.

Another author I am going to mention is Ann Voskamp. That woman has a way of saying things. The first book I read that she wrote was “1,000 Gifts”. She taught me to look for my own 1,000 gifts and in that process it made me aware of what God was giving me and doing in my life on a daily basis. I tried to write down three things every day in a notebook. Looking for those things really changed my attitude and helped me look for the positive in my life. It took me over a year to get to 1,000, but I was so glad I did it! I highly recommend looking for gifts to anyone who is trying to change their outlook on life.

R.T. Kendall is the man who taught me how to forgive. He wrote a book called “Total Forgiveness”. I cannot tell you how much that book helped me to forgive my father. I think I underlined at least 3/4 of that book. At the time, I was mad at God for giving me a father who hurt me. I was mad at myself for allowing my father to continue to hurt me and I was mad that I had to forgive! I guess you could say that I was mad at my heavenly father, my earthly father and myself all at the same time! That’s a lot of anger for a body to hold inside. Kendall states, “The bondage wasn’t worth holding on to my unforgiveness. The absence of seeing Jesus’ face wasn’t worth it. The lack of peace wasn’t worth it. But getting that old peace back (I had forgotten what it was like) was worth it all. God is a jealous God and won’t let us enjoy this inner peace if we have an unforgiving spirit.” Forgiveness isn’t easy, but it is necessary and God commands us to do it. If you are struggling in this area, I highly recommend this book.

The point of me writing all of this to you is to tell you there are so many great resources out there to help you with whatever you are struggling with. I knew I needed help, so I grabbed as many things as I could so I could get better. The picture I posted for my blog is most of the material I have read or studied in the last fifteen years. Everything I have read or studied helped me learn and grow. Each author helped me look at things with different eyes. Each person helped me learn scripture and principles to live by. It has been a journey and I am grateful for it. These studies and books pointed me to scripture that has been my life line. The Bible is the most important book I have read. I have written down verses and carried them with me on the days I had extreme anxiousness. Whenever I needed help, the Bible had a verse for me to cling to. God uses His word to help us in times of trouble.

There have been a lot of tears but also a lot of joy! So when I was trying to think of a name for my blog it was easy to name it journey2joy. I really want to help you if you are struggling with life. Please message me if you are looking for a book to read or a study to do. Chances are I have read it or studied it. Thank you so much for going along with me on this journey! Until next time…..

I would like to propose something a little different for the new year. Instead of writing down all the goals you would like to accomplish, why not sit before the Lord and ask Him what He would like to accomplish in you. I am not saying that goals are bad or wanting to accomplish those goals are bad. But, I have discovered that when I come before Him and ask Him what He would like to do in me, He shows me something that I hadn’t thought of or discovered about myself yet.

For example, one of my goals every year has been to know the Lord more and spend more time with Him. I am sure most of you think that’s a great goal and some of you probably have that same goal. I realized recently that the focus of that goal has been focused on me. I am the one who is making the effort and I am the one who is striving to spend time and know the Lord. But, what if I change that up a bit and ask the Lord to come after me more? What if I ask Him to pursue me with all His might? Because in a relationship, both people are supposed to be working and helping one another. What if I completely allowed the Lord to come after me? What does that look like?

If you are up for the challenge, I would love for you to try this with me. He is telling me this is what He wants to do not only for me but also for you. This is going to be interesting and exciting. I am just a vessel that He speaks through and I can’t wait to see what He does and what He reveals to us. Just this morning as I was reading “The Broken Way” by Ann Voskamp, God showed me what He wants me to see about myself. He knows that I have always struggled with a low self-esteem. He wants me to see that He believes in me.

I just have to share some of what Ann writes. “Maybe we believe in Jesus; we just don’t always believe in Him working in us.” That has been one of my biggest struggles. I belittle myself and think why would He want to do anything in me. When I think that way about myself, then I am limiting what God wants to do in me. He doesn’t want me to think that way about myself. He wants me to claim that I am His child and He desires to work in me and wants to do mighty things through me.

Sit for a minute and think about that. The God of the Universe wants to work in you. He lives inside of you (if you have accepted Him into your heart) and He believes in you. Ann tells a story about sitting next to an Orthodox Hasidic rabbi on an airplane. He says to her, “Why do you people always say it’s about having a strong belief in God? Who sits with the knowing that God’s belief in you is even stronger than yours in Him? You may believe in God, but never forget—it’s God who believes in you.” He then went on to say, “Every morning that the sun rises and you get to rise? That’s God saying He believes in you, that He believes in the story He’s writing through you. He believes in you as a gift the world needs.”

This is life changing for me! What would my life look like if I allowed myself to believe how much God believes in me? And what would your life look like? Because I have always been so performance oriented and a pleaser, I have always struggled with doing, doing and more doing. Because I love the Lord so much and I love others, I fall into the Martha trap. But, what if this year, I allowed myself to think about how much God believes in me and wants to work in me every single day. What if I look for Him to come after me? What if I allow Him into every part of my life and watch Him do what He needs to do? That means I have to let Him into all the areas I want to control. Yikes! But, I think I am ready for that. I am ready for Him to take me over so I can live my life abundantly.

Ann Voskamp says so many wonderful things, but this statement really hit my heart. She says, “God made the work of Jesus to “bind up the brokenhearted” and there is more belovedness in Christ for us than there ever is brokenness in us. When Jesus is gracious to us, why would we be cruel to ourselves.” There it is! Why would I be cruel to myself? I have been cruel to myself for so many years because I didn’t feel worthy. I have said terrible things to myself and believed them. I cannot do this anymore. It isn’t right! It isn’t fair to my God who sent His son to die on the cross for my sins. He wants me to stop! He wants all of us to stop our destructive behaviors and believe in Him. He wants us to believe that we are a gift. Say to yourself, “I am a gift.” Say it over and over again. Say it a million times if you need to. Ask the Holy Spirit to help you believe it. I am going to do the same.

I want this year to be the year that I stop attacking myself with horrible words. I want to quit doubting the Lord believes in me and believe that I am a gift. (I still wince when I say that I am a gift. God has a lot of work to do in me!) I want to open myself up to Him and ask Him to come after me and help me live my life abundantly. I can be whatever God wants me to be. He can give me the power I need to do it. He has given me the power to write this blog. I would never have dreamed in a million years that I would be doing this. Every single time I write to you, I look back at it and say, “Wow! Look at what the Lord has done!” I need to remember to do that for myself as well. I want to look back at the end of this year and say, “Wow! Will you look at what He has done in me and for me?”

If you are up for the challenge, I would like to suggest that you write things down. You don’t have to extensively journal, but carry a little notebook with you and write down what God is showing you and helping you with. Keep your eyes focused on Him as much as you can and look for Him to work in your life. He will! At the end of the year, you will have all of the things the Lord gave you for 2017. I am going to leave you with one more statement by Ann. “The moment God stops believing in me, He’d have to stop believing He is enough.” We need to remember that He is more than enough to give us the abundant life He wants us to live. Until next time dear friends…