Happy Spring! It’s so good to be writing again. The picture, that I am using for this post, is a symbolic view of how I feel on the inside most of the time. I can’t believe I am allowing myself to use this photo and be this transparent! I guess you could say that I feel like a weirdo most days. And maybe, there might just be some of you that feel the same way I do!

My husband just retired and the reality of being in this phase of life has been a bit unsettling and overwhelming. How am I already here? My life is two thirds over, and frankly, I am not ready for that reality. I’ve spent so many years just trying to survive that I don’t feel like I’ve had very much time to thrive. 

I am very grateful I’ve made it to this stage of life, but it’s been a hard road for me. I still struggle with some of the things that happened to me as a child. But, through my struggles, God is showing me how He made our bodies to work. The more I learn, the more I am blown away by God. 

“Each person has an internal system with individual parts. Our parts have memories, feelings, beliefs, perspectives and impulses that are unique to them. There are parts that hold negative beliefs and painful feelings associated with challenging and traumatic life experiences and that remain integrated. A wounded part carries a burden from a past trauma. This part may be stuck at a child’s developmental stage.” Crete

I’ve known, for a very long time, that I have some parts that are stuck in my childhood. One of those parts struggles with her self-image. She is easily triggered by the comments of others. She has a hard time believing she is worthy. She has many negative beliefs and feelings because she was deeply wounded by her dad and others. When she looks in the mirror, she can only see the things that are wrong with her. This part thinks, “There must be something wrong with me or I would have been treated better.” She is one of my parts that has really struggled moving forward.

All of us are made with an inner system. At the center of our inner system, is our inner self or true self. “This is where there is calm, compassion, courage, creativity, clarity, curiosity, connectedness, patience, persistence, perspective, playfulness, and presence.” Crete  Then, we have our parts that flow from our inner selves. 

I realize the concept of parts and having an inner system might seem foreign to you, but hang in there with me. What I am going to share with you is going to make sense and help you understand why you are the way you are. I saw an illustration of our parts and inner self that has helped me understand what is going on inside of us. 

The illustration I saw had a circle drawn on a page. Inside the middle of the circle, “inner self” was written. Then, there were lines coming from the circle. It looked like a rough drawing of the sun. The lines represent the parts we have. So, I decided to draw a circle in my journal with lines coming from the circle. Then, I put the names of the parts I have on the lines coming from the circle. 

Now, be prepared to have your mind blown!!!! If you have any doubts about the concept of parts and inner self, what I am going to share with you will make this concept clearer.

“Although God is One. God is also a harmony of three divine persons.” Crete

Three parts. One God. “God is both unity and a multiplicity. And as created beings made in God’s likeness, we share in some manner this inner multiplicity.” Crete

I read those words over and over again and threw my notebook down. I got up from my chair and walked around. I got shivers all over my body. My God also has parts. I mean I kind of knew that, but I didn’t understand the depth of this concept.

Now, let’s take this a step further. In scripture, “God reveals Himself as a Creator, a Helper, a Savior, a Rock, a Refuge, a Consuming Fire, a gracious and compassionate Sovereign, a Judge, a Burning Bush, and even a Cloud.” Crete

After I read those words, I drew another circle. Inside this one I wrote “GOD.” Then, I drew lines from the circle and wrote on each line Creator, Helper, Savior, Rock, Refuge, Consuming Fire, Sovereign, Judge, Burning Bush, Cloud. There are also so many more!

We are told in Genesis, that we are made in God’s image. So, that means the parts of our self-system express the multi-dimensional nature of who we are. We have parts that have roles in our lives, just like God does. I am convinced, more than ever, that we have an internal system that wants to be in harmony with our Creator because He made us that way!

God is three persons one God. We are one person with many parts that take on roles in our lives. We develop our parts or roles as we develop during the many phases of our lives. Remember, our parts have feelings, memories, beliefs, perspectives and impulses. 

I mentioned, at the beginning of my post, that I’ve spent so many years of my life surviving instead of thriving. I have many parts that have been in survival mode for so long, that they are having a hard time realizing they don’t have to function that way any more. That’s why healing has been a much longer process than I thought it would be. There are layers and layers of hurt and pain that have kept them in a vicious cycle of survival. 

When I lost my mom two years ago, my parts strongly reacted to losing her. My inner system was turned upside down. She was a secure connection for me. She was someone I could count on. She was the parent who showed me unconditional love and she was also the strongest influence in my life. 

The first year she was gone, some of my parts coasted through that year because I think some of them were in shock. But, when the second year hit, my parts started unraveling. My brain knew she was healed and happy to be with Jesus. But, my body and my parts were freaking out because she was gone. She was a life line for me. 

I’ve shared this statement before, but I will share it again. “Our minds can forget what happened to us, but our bodies never forget.” That’s why it is so important that we learn to work with our parts and listen to them. We have to go deep within ourselves and ask God to help our parts and realize He is a secure connection for us. He is right there, in the center of our being, ready to help us move forward.

My journey has not been easy. But, I am so thankful that I have a part within me that has a stubborn persistence to pursue answers and truth in my life. That part has kept me determined to follow God. Without God, I’m not so sure I could have survived my relationship with my dad.

I have so much more to share, but I am going to stop here for now. I will continue to talk about our parts in the next post. I find the fact that God made us with an inner system quite fascinating. The way our parts work and the fact that He is at the center of our being is really amazing. I pray what I’ve shared and will share, will be extremely helpful to you with your own journey. 

“The Lord is a refuge for the oppressed; A Stronghold in times of trouble.” Psalm 9:9

I have to be reminded constantly that Jesus is functioning at the center of my being. My parts need Him desperately. so they can move forward and heal. He is our Secure Connection. He is our Stronghold. He is our Redemption. He is our Refuge. He is our way back to Restoration. He is the healer of our parts.

There is so much more to share with you. I’ve just scratched the surface in this post. Please take the time to go within yourself. Grab your journal and draw the illustration of the circle and the parts. Ask God to show you your parts. Listen to Him. Get to know your parts because they have a lot to say. I know, from personal experience, it’s awkward at first to go within and find your parts. Be patient and be kind with yourself. This work is worth the time and the effort! 

Until next time dear friends. This is my journey to joy (and thriving!!!!)