In my last post I talked about waging war on fear. Little did I know that I was going to be attacked by something that brought my fears to the surface. I did think to myself that I better get ready, because the attack will come. And boy oh boy did it come in the form of COVID-19!
At first, my symptoms were tolerable. I was still able to function and move around. I didn’t feel good, but I honestly thought I was just tired and needed to slow down and take it easy. Then the body aches came with the chills and a fever. Now, I was concerned. So, I got tested. By the time I got my results back, I had lost taste and smell, so I knew that I was positive. When I saw that I was positive, I still couldn’t believe it! Even though my body was screaming at me that I was sick, I didn’t want to believe that I had this virus.
I was scared. There were people all around me that were in the hospital or dying from it. I think this virus does so much more to you than make you sick. It does a lot of mental and emotional damage as well because of the fear. So, that is what I want to talk to you about. I am going to be completely honest about the way I felt.
There were days that I wanted to die. There were days that I thought I might die. I felt helpless and hopeless. I was trying to be strong for my family because I saw how worried my daughters were. I didn’t want to tell them how bad I really felt, but they knew. They wanted me to go to the hospital, but I fought that. I wanted to stay home because I had control at home.
When I am sick, I find it hard to think rationally. You might feel that way too. I really had to dig deep in my arsenal of verses and stories from the Bible to help me. My mind kept going to the story of Jairus in Luke 8:40-56 (I recommend taking some time to read it.) Jairus came to find Jesus because his daughter was very sick. And while he was with Jesus, someone came to tell Jairus that his daughter was dead. Jesus responds in verse 50, “Don’t be afraid; just believe, and she will be healed.”
This story is what I clung to. I prayed that my fear would go away, that I would believe and be healed. I went through this story over and over again in my mind and prayed fervently for healing. I knew that my healing could go either way. I knew that He might heal me on earth and I also knew that my healing might come in death. Either way, I would be healed. I told him I preferred the healing on earth. Ha Ha!
There is another important fact from the story of Jairus that I have overlooked for years. Max Lucado opened my eyes to this part of the story in his book “Fearless.” Luke 8:51-54 “When Jesus went the house of Jairus, he did not let anyone go in with him except Peter, John and James, and the child’s father and mother. Now all wept and mourned for her; but He said, “Do not weep; she is not dead, but sleeping. And they ridiculed Him, knowing that she was dead. But He put them all outside.”
I have never noticed before that Jesus made the people that were ridiculing Him leave the building. “He commanded doubt to depart and permitted only faith and hope to stay.” Lucado So, that is what I tried to do. While I was praying to be healed, I verbally commanded doubt to depart. I had to tell despair to take a flying leap over and over again. I wasn’t sure what Jesus was going to do, but I had to do my part and pray and look to Him to help me.
The really great thing about my story is the fact that God lead me to the book “Fearless” by Max Lucado a few weeks before I got sick. The story of Jairus stuck with me and now I know why. That story is what got me through the worst of being sick. God knew I was going to need it!
Lucado points out this verse in his book. Hebrews 5:7 “During the days of Jesus’ life on earth, He offered up prayers and petitions with loud cries and tears to the One who could save Him from death, and He was heard because of Hie reverent submission.” Why is it so hard to admit your fears and then say them out loud over and over again? I guess it is pride. I want to change so much and I feel like a failure because my fears just won’t go away! But God always uses them to teach me. I am definitely learning a lot right now!
Can I just tell you that this virus traumatized me! I have been shaking inside since I got it. Some days I shake more than others. My doctor said that some people have reacted this way to the virus. I just need to give it time and it will eventually go away. It’s definitely not a fun way to feel, but I am trying to stop and pray when I feel that way. I am giving it to Him.
The greatest take away from having this virus is the fact that I need to be like Jesus and cry out to God. I need to follow His example in Hebrews 5:7. I want to be more fervent in prayer and believe that God will work in my life and in others. And what a great time of year to focus on Jesus more than anything else in life. There is no other way for me to live. His truth is what keeps me going.
I know this Christmas season looks different for most of us. But maybe those things that we normally focus on or normally do, need to take a back seat this year. Maybe we need to focus more on the true meaning of Christmas. Maybe we need to focus on Jesus. Focus on His word. Cry out to Him! Praise Him! Look at Him with fresh eyes. Focus on who He is!
Did you know that He is the Resurrection and the Life? He is the King of Kings. He is the Light of the World. He is the Messiah. He is the Word of God. He is the Truth. He is the Lion of Judah. He is the Holy One of God. He is the Lord of Lords. He is the Great High Priest. He is the Alpha and Omega. He is the True Vine. He is the Prince of Peace. He is the Bread of Life. He is the Good Shepherd. He is Immanuel—God With Us. He is the Son of Man. He was a Man of Sorrows. He is the Lamb of God.
After I listed all the things that Jesus is, I just said, “WOW!” I think sometimes we forget who He is because we get so bogged down with life. He really is quite impressive! Maybe we need to remember all the things He is this Christmas. And frankly, every day throughout the year.
I just had this thought. (Sometimes it takes me awhile to have them. HAHA!) Every December we talk about Jesus. We celebrate His birth. What if we used every December to reset our minds on who He is and then take each name and focus on it every month for the next year! For example, I would focus on how He is the Resurrection and the Life during the month of January. February would be Kind of Kings, etc…Now there are 19 names of Jesus, so some months you could double up. I don’t know about you, but this excites me. Who doesn’t need a lot more of Jesus in their life?
So, how about it? Are you up for focusing on Jesus and who He is throughout the year? Let’s see what we can learn and how our focus changes! I’m pretty excited about it! I didn’t expect for this to happen when I started writing this post. The Holy Spirit just took over on this one! So, I am definitely going to follow His lead! We can do Advent all year long!
Jesus is the reason for living! I know I need more of Him in my life and I figure you do too! I am glad I am here to share with you. I am happy God decided to heal me so I can write blog posts, learn, love and live for Him. I don’t know if I will get another post in this year, so if I don’t, I want to wish everyone a Merry Christmas and Happy Birthday Jesus!
I want to personally thank you for reading! Until next time my dear friends….
Isaiah 9:6 “For unto us a child is born, to us a Son is given; and the government shall be upon His shoulder, and His name shall be called Wonderful Counselor, Mighty God, Everlasting Father, Prince of Peace.