I love to talk. I love to ask people questions and learn things about them. I will go into a store and talk to complete strangers especially while I am waiting in the check out line. I like to ask the waitress what he or she likes on the menu. I am just one of those people. Actually people fascinate me. I love to just watch them and see them interact with one another. I wonder if they are having a good or bad day. Usually you can tell by the way they are acting. I like to see what makes them tick. I realize that this sounds like I am a stalker, but I am a watcher of human beings.

Sometimes I like to imagine what God thinks of us. After all, He is watching and listening to us all the time. When I am being silly, I think of Him saying, ”Now, honey. I have told you over and over again that isn’t good for you. Will you please listen to me this time and not do that any more?” Well, He is my heavenly parent and He does care what I do and say. He wants me to come to Him with all my problems. But lately, I have realized something else He wants me to come to Him with…He wants me to come to Him with my weaknesses and have trust and assurance that He is going to work on my issues. That has been a struggle for me most of my life.

Rebekah Lyons said something in her book You Are Broken that made me pause. “Asking says, ‘I cannot fathom how you would do this, but I trust you are able. So, I lay aside what I can understand, and I embrace your promise and mystery of healing.’ I must admit that many, many times when I have prayed I haven’t trusted or understood what God was doing and that was a stumbling block to my prayer life. I have always been a person who needed to understand. So when I don’t understand, I have a problem believing God.

Because God is so good, He began to speak to me about this issue. I would like to share it with you. “Okay, little one. Let’s get to the bottom of this issue. Let’s look at it from your eyes as a child. For years you saw a father you couldn’t trust. You couldn’t ask for things that you needed because you couldn’t trust his response. You saw a man who worked hard but he never played with you or paid attention to you unless you did something spectacular. He was focused more on winning and being successful than his family. You weren’t a priority. This gave you a belief system that carried over to your relationship with Me.

Every day you had expectations that any normal child would have of their parents, but they were met with disappointment. This gave you a heart and mind that doubted my goodness. I understand how you feel. I want to help you see Me the right way. I want you to see Me for who I am. I don’t condemn you for your feelings. When you talk to Me, I want you to believe that I am listening to you. I am going to answer you the way that is best for you. You might not understand why I do the things I do, but I am doing everything from my love for you. You are my child and I love you. You can ask Me for anything because you can trust Me. I want you to boldly pray and expect Me to work on your behalf. I will work, but it will be in my timing because I know what is best for you. You can trust Me with everything. I am making a home in you. I am inside you and beside you. I go before you and surround you. You are free! I want you to claim it! “

I really needed to hear those words from God and be assured of His love for me. I know that many of you have also struggled with issues like mine and have trouble trusting God when you pray. I want you to know that He understands and wants you to go to Him with your thoughts. Be honest with Him and ask Him to speak to you and help you.  I have to talk to Him constantly and read His truth.

Because I really struggle with believing that He will work in my life, I look at other people and I think I should be like them. I condemn myself for not being that way. It’s so easy to see God work in everyone else’s life, but when it comes to looking at myself, I really struggle. I know He is good, but there are times that I doubt His goodness. Sometimes, I feel like a hypocrite when I feel that way. But, God gently reminds me that my past is a lot different that most people. “Experts say chronic trauma can be more damaging than a single devastating event, because you are never able to relax. The trauma is unrelenting.” Rebekah Lyons  He reminds me that He is proud of me for hanging in there. I could have walked away from Him years ago, but I didn’t. My issues drove me to Him instead of away from Him.

I feel like a broken record all the time and I get so frustrated with myself. I feel like I need to be different by now and I need to be free of all the things that weigh me down. I am learning that God wants me to be honest with Him and tell Him those things because it helps our relationship. He wants raw honesty. He never lies to me and He doesn’t want me to lie to Him. He wants me to quit putting on a mask pretending to be okay.

God wants to use my weakness if I will just let Him. I need to confess my issues constantly to Him instead of beating myself up or trying to fix myself. God wants to expose the lies that I still struggle with and eventually heal me with His truth. He doesn’t want me to live in bondage. I know that He can’t fix me if I don’t continually go to Him and ask Him for help.

To be honest friends, I hate feeling helpless. It reminds me of when i was a child and I couldn’t do anything to get away. That is one of the worst feelings in the world. I have to remind myself over and over again that I am not helpless any more. I have God and I have His spirit living inside me. I have Him to help me. Rebekah Lyons states, “Mental and emotional healing can take longer than physical healing, because ailments often stay hidden for much longer and therefore have deeper roots. It is hard to heal what has been hidden, and sometimes God calls us to sit in the emotional pain for weeks, months, or even years before the fullness of His healing comes.”

I know I have hidden layers of fear that are still there. I need to talk to the Lord and ask Him to show me what they are and ask Him to help me deal with them. When I was forty God said, “No more! We are going to deal with these issues that you are trying to bury. Your panic, anxiety and depression mean something to Me. I am going to set you free and I need your cooperation in order to do this! We are going to peel away at these layers and make you well. I love you and I will help you get through this.”

I am going to leave you with these thoughts by Rebekah Lyons. “God wants us to reveal our weakness—to recognize what traumatizes and exhausts us. He wants us to confess our wounds, our sources of pain and stress, and bring them into the light so He can redeem and transform them with His strength. Have you confessed to Him your exhaustion, your fear, your stress? Have you confessed that God wants to display His strength in your weakness?”

I am learning that I have a lot to talk about with my heavenly Father. He is the only one who has the power to help me. He is always there and He knows exactly what to do. Everyone has issues. I pray that your issues will drive you towards your heavenly Father. I pray that you will talk to Him and listen to what He has to say. We might not be able to see what He is doing, but He is working because it is a promise. Until next time dear friends…..

Philippians 2:13  “for it is God who works in you to will and to act in order to fulfill His good purpose.”