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In the last post, I talked about minding our minds. It is so important for our mental and emotional and even physical health to have a healthy thought life. Because of Christ, we have the greatest power within us to destroy the lies that have been ruling our lives. “You and I have been equipped with power from God to tear down the strongholds in our minds, to destroy the lies that dominate our thought patterns. We have the power and authority to do this.” Allen

The first thing to do is to recognize strongholds that you have in your life. What seems to dominate your thought life? Is it your children? Is it your marriage? Is it your job? Is it the crazy things that are happening in the world right now? Is it all of the above? Is it fear of this virus? Write down what it is.

For me, it has been all the crazy things that have been happening because of this virus. People have been scaring me by their actions and their words. Wearing a mask is a control issue for me. Someone else is controlling the way I live. I frankly don’t like that! It is disturbing to me that our lives are being controlled by the government. Because I am sensitive to evil and abuse, it has been very difficult for me to be “okay” with it. What are we allowing to happen to us? Should we be “okay” with it? Are we going to be like Nazi Germany and let someone dictate how we are supposed to live? Those are the thoughts that have been going through my mind. Those are the things that I have been writing down. (I know that I am a bit of a conspiracy theorist!)

I have to go to scripture when my mind goes to these places.

Psalm 60:11 “Give us aid against the enemy, for human help is worthless.”

Psalm 120:1-2 “In my distress I called to the Lord, and He answered me. Lord, deliver me from lying lips and a deceitful tongue.”

Psalm 121:2-3 “My help comes from the Lord, the Maker of heaven and earth. He will not allow your foot to slip; your Protector will not slumber.”

Psalm 119:81 “I have put my hope in your word.”

Our minds need to be renewed daily with truth. When I go to scripture and start reading, I begin to relax and calm down. God’s word is so powerful in my life. “We use our powerful God-tools for smashing warped philosophies, tearing down barriers erected against the truth of God, fitting every loose thought and emotion and impulse into the structure of life shaped by Christ. Our tools are ready at hand for clearing the ground of every obstruction and building lives of obedience into maturity.” The Message 2 Corinthians 10:5-6

Y’all listen! God’s word is a powerful tool to smash warped philosophies!! We’ve got the best power in the world to wield! Instead of being defeated, we can beat anything that is ruling our lives. (I am speaking to myself as much as I am speaking to you.) God is so much bigger than anything that is coming at us—especially this terrible virus! We’ve got to tear down anything that goes against the truth of God! We’ve got to stand for truth!! If we don’t, then who will???

My mother has been stuck in lock down for 5 long months! I have seen her mind deteriorate before my eyes. The lack of social interaction has caused so much damage to her.  She is having trouble discerning what is true and what isn’t true in her mind. I have called the county and the state. I have called the place where she is living. I want to make a poster that says, “LET MY PEOPLE GO!” and post it out front of the building. I am fed up! But, I want to share with you something that was said during one of my many phone calls. I was apologizing for once again complaining and she said to me, “Honey, if you don’t advocate for your mom, then who will?”

If we don’t stand for truth in our lives, then who will? We certainly aren’t going to get it from the world. We aren’t going to get it from the news or social media. The only place we are going to get “truth” is from God. He only speaks truth and He doesn’t lie.

If we want truth, then we have a choice to make. “You are no longer a slave to passions, to lusts, to strongholds, to sin of any kind. You have a God-given, God-empowered, God-redeemed ability to choose what you think about. You have a choice regarding where you focus your energy. You have a choice regarding what you live for.” Allen

Those three words, “I have a choice,” are so powerful! I am not subject to my circumstances or my negative thoughts. I have a choice regarding who and what I live for. I can either let the world control me or let God control me. I don’t want fear or this virus or what may or may not happen control me. I have to choose to God.

“We are what we think. How we think shapes our lives. This is an other worldly way to live. You, as a believer, are a citizen of another reality.” Allen That philosophy explains why we are different from other people. When we believe in Christ and what the Bible teaches, it does set us apart from others. If you want to hang with the cool kids, then you’ve gotta believe that Jesus is cool. Do you get what I mean?

Look, I have spent a lot of years fighting this. When you come from an abusive home, you tend to have a victim mentality. I didn’t realize that I have a choice in the way I live. I just let things happen and thought, “I guess this is the way it is supposed to be. I guess God wants me to be like this. I will just be a good little girl and do what everyone tells me to do and be what everyone tells me to be.” I am mad as a killer hornet (just had to throw that in) that I allowed that to happen. And, I see it happening all around me. People are just giving in to all kinds of thinking.

WE HAVE TO STOP!!!! If our thinking doesn’t line up with the word of God, then it has to go away. We need to identify the lie, get rid of it and replace it with truth. Listen to this. “How often have we imagined someone’s anger toward us simply because of a sideways glance that had nothing to do with us. We build narratives that begin to take on lives of their own, based on assumptions and our overactive imaginations—all because we tend to fears, attend to distractions, attend to worst-case scenarios.” Allen

When I focus on my overactive imagination and assumptions, I forget that God is more powerful and perfectly capable of handling my life. I am fixating on something else besides Him. Right now, because I am so upset about my mom, I find myself fixating on the injustice of the situation. I go back to feeling helpless. I have to be aware that I have a choice to make. Am I going to let it eat away at me (and to be honest, I do that more than I should) or am I going to pray and trust God with it? I have made my phone calls and inserted my opinions as much as I can. The rest is up to Him. If I don’t do that, then my mind and emotions will spiral out of control.

Romans 7:14-25 explains the war that is going on within us. I am going to share a few verses. “For I delight in the law of God, in my inner being, but I see in my members another law waging war against the law of my mind and making me captive to the law of sin that dwells in my members.” verses 22-23 I would like to encourage you to read the whole passage. (There are a a lot of do’s and do not’s and it might require reading through a few times, especially for those elderly brains, like mine!) 

The battle is real but we can win! Maybe not every time, but we can grow stronger and learn and change. I don’t have to be a slave to sin or my emotions. I can choose to live for Christ. There is no other way for me because I want truth to reign in my life. Oh, how I pray for all of us to live that way!

Look, I know the struggle is real! I face it every day. I just have to let the Holy Spirit take over and get out of His way. My goal is to keep my eyes fixated on the truth that God wants in my life. I really want to be a willing servant and be helpful to others. I hope that this post has been helpful to you.

Until next time…

I am a person that craves truth. Because I am a follower of Christ, my life is based on the fact that Jesus is “the way, the truth and the life.” John 14:6 My relationship with Christ is the foundation of my life. I belong to Him. I base my life on the word of God. I love what Priscilla Shirer says about being a woman of God. “I am a woman who believes in every single thing that my God has declared to be true. I will stand firmly on the promises of God so I will be girded in truth.”

I have found that the only way I am going to survive in this life is to consume God’s truth as much as I possibly can. I must think the way He wants me to so I can have the best perspective. In order to do that, I have to be aware of my thoughts.

I recently started reading the book “Get Out Of Your Head” by Jennie Allen. If you are struggling with your thoughts, I highly recommend this book and study. It has really helped me through the last two months. Jennie states that there are three lies that we believe. “I’m helpless. I’m worthless. I’m unlovable.”

“These lies—I’m helpless, I’m worthless, I’m unlovable —shape our thinking, our emotions, and the way we respond to the world around us. They trap us in their cycle of distraction and distortion and pain, preventing us from recognizing the truth we should believe. Most detrimentally, they change how we view God. Every lie we buy into about ourselves is rooted in what we believe about God.” Allen

I relate to all of the lies, but mostly to “I’m helpless.” That lie has been with me all of my life. When you grow up in an abusive home, you feel helpless every single day. I was helpless because I was a child and really couldn’t do anything about the abuse. It was my truth. It was deeply ingrained in me and it definitely distorted my view of God for many years.

When the pandemic hit, the horrible feeling of helplessness reared it’s ugly head. I began to feel trapped like I did when I was a little girl. I felt like something evil was trying to control me again. Then came the anger that something, other than God, was trying to take over my life. My thoughts started spiraling out of control. I knew I had to fight this or I was going to go down a deep, dark hole that I didn’t want to go down.

While I was reading Jennie’s book, my eyes came across these sentences. “Jennie, this is the enemy. None of this is from God. This awfulness you’ve been experiencing…this isn’t who you are.”  I stood up and had to put down the book. I walked around the room with tears in my eyes. I couldn’t believe what I just read. I came back to my journal and wrote down these words. “You mean to tell me that all the awfulness I have been experiencing all my life isn’t who I am? I have just accepted all the fears, the doubts, the panic and the pain as the truth of who I am because this is what I do—I accept lies???”

I have accepted too many lies in my lifetime. I wasn’t able to recognize them and didn’t realize how much they influenced my thinking and the decisions I made in so many different areas of my life. The lies kept me from doing things I knew I was called to do. The lies affected my self-image. But, I think the most damage they did was made me believe that I was not capable of becoming who God wanted me to be. 

Because of the lies, I know I am in a battle with my mind on a daily basis. I can no longer accept the lies that the enemy wants me to believe. I am not helpless because I am a child of God. That is who I am. God is fighting for me—right by my side. I have to tap into the power that He has given me. I have to be led by truth, not by my feelings.

I love what Jennie Allen says. “The people who stand out to me are the ones who have chosen to trust Jesus more than trusting their ability to make everything work out fine.” Boy oh boy does that statement hit me in the face! I must trust Jesus more that my ability or any one else’s for that matter.

In order to trust Jesus more, I must have a plan of action. I have to turn my mind to God’s word and fixate on Him. It’s the only way I am going to survive. The enemy is out there causing so much chaos and fear in so many people. When I listen to the news, that fear rises up in me. I have to walk away from it. I can’t let things like that control me. I know we have to be informed, but not ruled by what is being reported. I can’t be dominated by anyone or anything else but God. I think all of us need to be very careful not to let the news, or anything that is happening around us, sway our thoughts or our feelings.    

When I give in to fear, or anything else, I am allowing something else to influence my mind. I am in a battle every day to not let fear or anything else rule me. I have to attack my thoughts and feelings with God’s truth. I have my good and bad moments. But, I still have the same goal….to be controlled by the Holy Spirit.

I can think some pretty dark thoughts. If I allow those thoughts to control me, then I am doomed. “If our thought lives are the deepest, darkest places of stronghold within us, all hell will try to stop us from being free. We aren’t going to slap on strategies. No, we are going to go to war against the root of darkness within us. And we’re going to have to dig deep to pull that root up. This is going to take work. This is going to take patience. This is going to take buckets of grace for ourselves.” Allen

Change is possible for all of us, but it does take work. There are days when I feel like I am a complete failure, but that is a thought that needs to be covered by grace. I am fighting a lifetime of bad thoughts. “Deadly thoughts can be captured. They can be contained. We can learn to mind our minds. When we think thoughts that lead to life and peace, we don’t get just better thoughts, we get more of God.” Allen

I will be sharing more in my next posts about how to fight the battle for our minds. Let me just say that I have seen and experienced what lies can do to a mind. Satan is out to get us. He has no power over us, but he can tempt us and go after us exactly where he knows we are weak. I have seen it happen right before my eyes. I know how important mental health is and I know that Jesus is the true healer of our minds. I am going to say this one more time. We need to be controlled by the Holy Spirit. Not the news. Not social media. Not fear. Not this virus. Not by what is happening around us. Don’t let anything or anyone else control your thoughts or your mind. Fixate on Jesus and His words!

Until next time….

“For to me, to live is Christ and to die is gain.” Philippians 1:21

I think I have the cutest granddaughter in the world. Everything she does makes me smile. She recently started walking. I just love watching those cute, little chubby legs toddle around the house. I love her smile, her laugh and her curiosity. I love watching her different expressions and her funny gestures. I love seeing the wonder in her eyes while she explores new things. I think she is cutest little human in this world.

“I think” are two pretty powerful words. The way we think controls our actions, our demeanor, our beliefs, our emotions, our moods, etc. The mind can be a a very powerful weapon, and because of that fact, we must gain control of it. Because there are so many negative and frightening things going on in the world right now, I know that I have to change the way I think and react. I have to ask myself, “What am I focusing my hope on?”

When I read this verse, “Return to your fortress, you prisoners of hope, even now I announce that I will restore twice as much to you.” Zechariah 9:12  I had to ask myself, “Am I a prisoner of hope?” My answer was “no”. I was a prisoner of discouragement, fear and angst. There was a war going on inside me because I wanted to be a prisoner of hope. I wanted to break away from the other things that were holding me captive.

So, I was led to a study called “Finding God Faithful” by Kelly Minter. This study focuses on the life of Joseph. I have always loved studying the life of Joseph in the Bible because his story always reminds me that good can come from evil. Kelly states, “I’m hoping you’ll see that what must have felt entirely out of God’s will for Joseph was actually part of God’s plan. The interplay between God’s sovereignty and human evil is a mystery for the ages.” ( Oh yes it is! )

Evil. I see it. I feel it. I am very sensitive to it. I see it waging war with good. It always has been that way. And, even though evil things were happening to him, “The Lord was with Joseph.” Genesis 39:2  Joseph was not alone encountering evil and neither are we in these unsettling times. My mind needs to remember that important fact. God is with me and He is with you. My mind has to not only think it, but know it deep within my bones.

And…..God not only was with Joseph, but Joseph actually prospered in captivity. Genesis 39:2 Being in captivity is not something that I want or enjoy. I don’t know about you, but I definitely felt like I was in captivity while I had to shelter at home. It was miserable for me. But, when I look back, I can see how many times the Lord showed me kindness. Two of our daughters lived with us for 6 weeks. I would never have had that time with them without the virus. They gave me lots of laughter and helped me stay sane. One Saturday, I received donuts from my daughter, son-in-law and granddaughter. I actually cried over donuts. (Yes, I am a 2 on the enneagram. We cry! A lot!)  I was having such a hard time social distancing from them. So, that one act of kindness meant so much to me! God was helping me get through a very hard time. 

I believe that setting my mind to look for good is key to getting me through whatever I am going through. I know that I have missed seeing things that are right in front of me and it has taken a friend to remind me of what they are seeing or have seen God do in my life. And let me tell you that what was happening to Joseph didn’t go unnoticed. Joseph’s master saw that “the Lord was with him and gave him success in everything he did.” Genesis 39:3

I am convinced that Joseph set his mind on the Lord because his mindset kept him from temptation. “It seems we are never more susceptible to a major act of sin than when we’re suffering.” Minter  Joseph stayed strong when his master’s wife tried to seduce him. HIs reply to her was, “How then could I do such a wicked thing and sin against God?” Genesis 39:9 He knew he had a choice to make. And so do we.

“Do I choose sin or do I choose God?” I know that I have been tempted many times these past three months to doubt the Lord. I have panicked. I have been angry. I have allowed the media to scare me. I have lost hope. I have been discouraged. I have been fighting for peace and calm. I have gone to the Lord and cried out. Confinement has messed with me, but it also has refined me. Like Joseph, I also ran. I ran to my journal to write things down. I ran to my chair to pray and talk with the Lord. I ran to the One who can help me more than anyone else can.

Evil can be very deceptive. It can grab a hold of us at times without us even realizing it. “Joseph treasured his relationship with the Lord and didn’t want to sin against Him.” Minter  Think about that for a minute. He treasured his relationship with the Lord. Is my relationship with the Lord a treasure? And, how many times do we think that we are actually sinning against God when we sin? Honestly, when I sin, I don’t think I’m sinning against God. I just think I am sinning. The fact that I am sinning against God has a different connotation to it. It makes it more serious and dangerous. It definitely makes me want to flee from it. Sin is like fire. When you play around with it, you will get burned.

I am trying to be an open book here. I grew up around a lot of evil. I didn’t realize how much until I was in my forties. I also didn’t realize how much my environment affected my thinking. I wanted my father to love me more than anything else. I wanted it more than I wanted God. And when you put other things before God, you are asking for trouble. Many decisions that I made were based on pleasing man instead of pleasing God. My thinking was wrong. I formed many habits that were not easy to break. But, through lots of therapy and time with the Lord, I have been able to open my eyes to God’s way of thinking. I am not perfect. I still make mistakes. But, I can say that I treasure my relationship with the Lord more than I ever have. I don’t want to sin against Him. And if I do, I want to repent and turn from it. I will always be a work in progress.

I want to leave you with this. “Sometimes a change in perspective is more powerful than the change we hope for in our circumstances. God will not waste a moment of our pain or waiting. He’s preparing us for what He’s prepared us for.” Minter

Philippians 4:8 “Finally, believers, whatever is true, whatever is honorable and worthy of respect, whatever is right and confirmed by God’s word, whatever is pure and wholesome, whatever is lovely and brings peace, whatever is admirable and of good repute; if there is any  excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think continually on these things (center your mind on them, and implant them in your heart)”. AMP

Until next time…

What a journey that last three months has been! It is so good to be writing again. I don’t know about you, but this pandemic has caused so much fear and anxiety to rage inside me. And, then came anger and distrust. The government was controlling our lives and frankly that scared the crap out of me! I saw people panicking and that made me panic. I saw my poor mother, who is in assisted living, be locked away from us and that added fuel to the fire. Chaos everywhere.

I cried out to the Lord a lot and still do! I was going to trust even though I didn’t feel like it. The chaos around me triggered memories from the chaos I lived in as a child. It made me feel hopeless and helpless. I sat in my chair almost every day and journaled and asked the Lord to help me and speak to me.

Jesus met me, in my chair, every single day. He spoke words of encouragement and pointed me to books and scripture to get me through each day. He brought sanity to my insanity. He brought peace and calm to my soul. He reminded me that He was in control even though the world was out of control. He gave me truth to live each day. I don’t know if you experienced what I did, but I would like to share with you some of the things that helped me get through each day.

One of the books that I read during this time was “Dangerous Prayers” by Craig Groeschel. In this book, Craig refers to a prayer that David prayed in Psalm 139:23-24.

                                “Search me, God, and know my heart;

                                      test me and know my anxious thoughts.

                                 See if there is any offensive way in me,

                                     and lead me in the way everlasting.”

“David asked God to know his anxious thoughts. He wanted to share his worst fears with God. To face them and give them a name. To trust that God was bigger than any fear David could dream up.” Groeschel

I have always struggled with telling God how I really feel. I beat myself up and think I should be stronger than I am or I should feel differently than I do. Maybe you can relate. This is what goes through my head. “Here she comes again with the same issues. When is she finally going to get over this. I’ve told her over and over again the way it is, but she doesn’t seem to get it.” I actually feel embarrassed sometimes to come to God with the same issues. When I write that out, I know God doesn’t operate that way. I know He is waiting for me to ask Him for help and actually wants to help me. This is where the trust issue comes up. I must trust God with my fears and the fact that He is bigger than any fear that I have.

Groeschel says, “What we fear matters. Lord, reveal what holds my mind hostage. Show me what I fear the most. Go ahead, help me face what terrifies me.” It was so comforting to be reminded that my fear matters to the Lord. After I read that, I wrote down what was terrifying me the most during the pandemic. Then, I also added some other things that I was battling. It really helped me to name the issues and then give them to the Lord. Then, I prayed Psalm 139:23-24.

I am not a big fan of pain. I. Don’t. Like. It. In my opinion, I have experienced enough. But, pain has a way of teaching me and growing me. I wish there was a different way, but unfortunately there isn’t. A.W. Tozer says, “It is doubtful whether God can bless a man greatly until He has hurt him deeply.” UGH! “Help me Lord!” We have to be broken sometimes in order to change and learn. “Live daily for Him, broken and poured out.” Groeschel

I know that true joy comes from living for Jesus, every single day, broken and poured out. That has been a real struggle for this abused kid. My natural tendency is to protect myself and look out for myself. I have to remind myself all the time that I am not living for me. I am living for the One who created me. I have to fight to live this way, especially now, when the world is in chaos. I have someone who can protect me far better than I can myself. I have to “walk by faith and not by sight.” 2 Corinthians 5:7. He is a shield around me. He is my fortress and my strength. A very present help in times of trouble. “Let us hold unswervingly to the hope we profess, for He who promised is faithful.” Hebrews 10:23

I can so easily allow the actions of people around me to dictate my feelings. And because of that problem, I have gotten pretty discouraged the past three months. I realized that what my mind is at war. There is a battle between my feelings and the truth that comes from God’s word. I had to have laser focus on God and His truth in my life. I must trust the Lord’s presence and HIs timing. God has a far greater plan than I can ever imagine. I have to wait and watch for Him to act, to speak, to teach and to lead me.

Kelly Minter teaches, “In your waiting, tell the Lord you trust His timing and believe in His power to achieve your heart’s desire. Surrender your agenda to Him. Where I lack faith, pray Mark 9:24. “I do believe; help my unbelief.”  After I prayed that verse, I began to list what my heart’s desires were. I prayed to trust His timing and to believe that He will achieve those desires in my life.

I got a mental picture of God as a coach. I pictured Him holding a clip board with all His plays for my life written on several pieces of paper. He was looking at me and pointing at the plays He had for me. I couldn’t see anything specific, but I could see that He was tactically thinking of what was ahead for me and that He was right there with me—coaching me to victory. What a wonderful way to picture Him!

It wasn’t a coincidence that I saw Him that way because my Dad was a football coach. He spent hours planning and watching films in order to lead his players to beat the opposing teams. He would cheer his players on and give them the plays that they needed to win. Of course, they didn’t always win, but he was still there trying to help them achieve victory! And that is exactly what God is doing in my life and in yours.

I am sure many of you feel like we are at war. Well friends, we are. There are so many battles raging right now. I am on my knees praying for our country and praying for every single person on the planet. I am praying for a revival in God’s people. I am praying for many to turn to Christ and learn from Him. That all of us would love like He did and lead like He did. He is the best example of how we are to live. I pray that we are listening to our heavenly coach and asking Him what He wants each one of us to do in His name.

I believe He is asking me to write. He is asking me to share my struggles with you. He is asking me to be vulnerable. (Who doesn’t love to do that?) He also wants me to share what I am learning. And even though I get really scared, I want to raise my hand and say, “Put me in coach! Show me what you want me to do and what you want me to say. No matter what happens, I want to proclaim your name, your truth and bring you glory!”

I am going to leave you with a verse that is very appropriate for this time in our lives. May we all remember to act like Jesus did with every single person we encounter each day. (Especially the difficult ones!)  

Ephesians 4:32 “Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another as God in Christ forgave you.”

Until next time…

I don’t know about you, but every day I am battling my nerves. The news just adds fuel to the fire. I find it hard to trust, so I digress to distrust and anxiety because I am not comfortable with not being in control. The world is going crazy and for good reason, but I don’t want to react that way. I want to trust God and His promises.

I know too well that fear can take over my life, so, I have to fight it from happening. I don’t want fear to captivate my heart because that leads to doubting God. And frankly, at a time like this, I don’t want to doubt Him. He is the only constant thing that all of us have in our lives.

No one speaks to me more than me. I hear the words that are playing in my head that no one else hears. I can say terrible things to myself and no one else knows it. So, I have to fight that by remembering what scripture says about who I am and how I am supposed to live my life.

Psalm 112:7 “He is not afraid of bad news, his heart is firm, trusting in the Lord.” That is my goal. I am not where I want to be, but I am plugging along every day. I don’t want to be afraid of bad news. I want to have a heart that is firm and trusts in the Lord and I am determined to get there! 

I decided to look up what determination means. de-ter-mi-na-tion – 1. firmness of purpose; resoluteness. “he advanced with an unflinching determination”  I want to be the person who advances with an unflinching determination in trusting God. I am praying for that!

In the “Trustworthy” study by Lysa Terkeurst, she says, “We can rest assured that just the taking in of God’s word for ourselves will nourish deep places. God created our minds for logical comprehension and spiritual discernment through the power of the Holy Spirit. Our souls were designed by God to receive and be nourished by the truth of God.”

I have to say that God’s word has nourished deep places inside me. But I still have my struggles. If you have read any of my past blog posts, you know that I grew up with a very abusive father. He instilled a horrible fear and lack of trust deep within me. What I saw and the pain I experienced, are still there to some degree. Certain things can trigger me. I might be fine one minute, and then out of nowhere, I hear or see something and my heart starts racing. My counselor told me a long time ago that the body never forgets what it has seen. So, I have to fight back with lots of truth. There have been many times I have been brought to my knees and  I just say, “Jesus” over and over and over again until the fear goes away.

If you come from an abusive home, you know how hard it is to trust. I am going to give you a little bit of insight into my life by sharing a part of my journal with you. My prayer is that God will use this to help someone else out there who struggles like I do. Here goes.

“It’s so hard to be a kid and watch someone you love be mean to you and say hateful things. My eyes see hurt and dysfunction. So much pain. Both parents are living their lives so differently. One is trying to follow the Lord while the other is following his selfish desires. Both are living life at different extremes. I watch a brother who is different. I know something is off with him, but don’t know what to do. Both of us are watching the same things. No stability, only chaos. I find Jesus. He is my way out. But, my eyes still have to see. Two lives are affected and now there are three. We have our home life and then we have our lives outside of it. It’s the outside life that saves me. My friends, my church, Young Life, Bible studies and my relationship with God save me. So many tears. These eyes have witnessed horrible things. The pain is real. I have to be real with my feelings. Being a child of alcoholism, abuse and deviant behavior is hard. It matters what we see. You can’t erase the images. My mind is affected. One of my biggest struggles is getting my mind to absorb truth because it contradicts what I have seen.

Trusting is involved here. God, as a Father, is completely different that what I experienced with my Dad. It’s hard to believe and trust that. When I look and see what God has done and who He is helps me and calms me. I have to take my eyes off the past and look to my future with God. 20 years of journaling, searching and studying God’s word have paid off. I can’t undo what I have seen, but I can choose to focus on God and His truth. I can choose to believe and trust His ways. I picture Jesus smiling at me. He is loving, kind and gentle. He is helping me overcome my feelings and what I have seen. He is the Dad I never had. I am learning to trust God to be there for me. I still struggle, but I am moving forward in faith.”

I don’t know if any of this resonates with you. If you are struggling with what has happened or what is happening in your life, I have to tell you that God’s word is the best thing you can turn to. I also recommend a very good counselor; someone who points you to the truth in God’s word.

Listen, I want you to know that I am preaching to myself as I write to you. Having unwavering trust is very hard. I pause when I read a verse like this, “But the Lord is faithful, and He will strengthen and protect you from the evil one.” 2 Thessalonians 3:3 I pause because I wasn’t protected. But, recently I realized that I have been protected from so many other things. The day I said “Yes” to following Christ, I became His child. I will live my forever with Him. He has protected me from going to hell. He has given me strength when I have needed it. I have survived mental illness because of HIm. He gives me purpose. He has protected me from accidents and health issues. I am still here and that in itself is a miracle.

I know our lives are very uncertain right now. Many of us have more time on our hands than usual. I would like to encourage you to read your Bible. Turn the news off and focus on Him. He is in control; not this virus. It’s so easy to hit the panic button. I know how to hit that button better than anyone. But, I am trying to turn to Him instead. I am going to leave you with some verses that I carry with me. I would like to encourage you to write them down and carry them with you when you start to fear. I love you dear friends. We are going to be stronger than we were before because of Him! Until next time…..

Psalm 34:4 “I sought the Lord and He delivered me; He delivered me from my fears.”

Psalm 130:5 “With all my heart I am waiting, Lord, for you! I trust your promises!”

Isaiah 41:10 “So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.”