Author: foolforchrist117

I am sitting outside looking around at all the beautiful things that Spring brings. The trees blooming. The flowers coming up from the ground. The green grass. New life is everywhere. Then, I think about Jesus. I can’t help myself but think about Him. He is the author of new life because of what He did on that cross. He brings us new life, forgiveness of our sins, a way to live our lives that bring glory to Him. What He did has changed my life and the lives of so many people around the world. We have hope because of Him.

Before His crucifixion, Jesus met with his disciples for the “Last Supper”. “He took the bread, gave thanks and broke it, and gave it to them, saying, “This is my body given for you; do this in remembrance of me.” Luke 22:19 Before He was forsaken. Before He was arrested. Before He lost His life, He sat down with the men—who He had deep relationships with—and broke bread knowing it was their last meal together.

There is so much symbolism here. I close my eyes and try to picture His hands tearing the bread apart. He was showing them that His body was going to be torn apart. Then they drank wine which was the representation of the blood He was going to spill for all mankind. I have read this story a thousand times but the breaking of the bread really speaks to me this year.

Jesus allowed Himself to be broken. He allowed the process and pain of crucifixion for us. He didn’t shield Himself from the things that happened to Him on the way to that cross! No self-preservation for Him. He literally gave His life away. He suffered a horrendous death on that cross for us. Sit there a minute and think about that. He breaks and gives away. WOW!

“Brokenness gives way to abundance.” Voskamp

It isn’t fun to be broken. Suffering is hard and painful. There are things in this world that have broken our hearts. I am learning that it is what I choose to do with my brokenness that matters. I feel abandoned, at times just like Jesus did on that cross, but “suffering is where God gives the most healing intimacy.”Voskamp

I can honestly say that my suffering has brought me an intimacy with Christ that I wouldn’t  have had without it. “There is a strange and aching happiness only the hurting know—for they shall be held.” I know that a “greater life rises from the dark.” Voskamp God can and will work through our dark times.

I have felt like a weirdo most of my life. I always knew I was different. I felt different. Everyone else seemed to be so normal. And then I met Jesus as a young teen and my life got even weirder. I wanted to study my Bible. I wanted to live my life for Christ. I was a teenager who wanted her friends to go to Bible studies and love Jesus. (Talk about weird!) Everyone else wanted to party and have fun. I wanted to evangelize! I didn’t drink and really had no desire to. I was and ever will be a Jesus freak. I knew deep down inside that there was no other way for me. I was completely sold out to Christ.

I am so thankful for all the things that pointed me to Jesus. The people He brought into my life. The friendships I had and still have. He supplied so many things to help me survive my home life. People didn’t talk about abuse like they do now. People didn’t talk about bad things that happened in the home. People didn’t talk about mental illness. You just didn’t feel free to be real. There weren’t many people I could share my feelings with because I was a really great pretender with everyone. I was so broken and didn’t know how bad it was.

My condition makes me think of Isaiah 61:1-3. ”Jesus came to bind up the brokenhearted; to comfort all who mourn and provide for those who grieve; to bestow on us a crown of beauty instead of ashes; to supply oil of joy instead of mourning, and a garment of praise instead of a spirit of despair. We will be called oaks of righteousness, a planting of the Lord for the display of His splendor. “

I may be wounded. I may be hurting. I may be limping. I may be a weirdo. I may feel alone and overwhelmed. But, I am more than a survivor. I am a thriver. I may bleed. But like Jesus, I will rise. I keep waking up day after day putting one foot in front of the other. I keep looking to Jesus because He promises to draw close to me. He comforts me when I mourn. He supplies all I need.

The Christian life isn’t for sissies! It is hard to stay on the right path. It’s hard to keep your chin up. Most of the time I fail miserably, but I wouldn’t want to be without Christ in my life. I wouldn’t want to miss out on watching Him work in me or in others. I have wrestled with so many things but recently it has been this…”Am I more in love with self-preservation than with Savior-glorification?” Voskamp

Because of my childhood, I had to be in self-preservation mode. Nothing wrong with protecting yourself from someone who is trying to hurt you. But, that mode has continued on in my life and frankly it has interfered with my relationship with God. I wrestle with trust issues to be honest. When you are hurt over and over again it is really hard to trust. But, if I continue with self-preservation, then what am I really saying? I am saying I can’t trust God to take care of me and that isn’t good.

“To thrive, you must surrender to a kind of openness. You must surrender control and trust One who is in control, though you will be taken beyond what you can control and into a kind of brokenness, a brokenness that will hurt and yet be kind. A painful grace. This is being truly alive; surrender unshielded to the unknown—because there is a deeper Love that is knowable. And it is only possible to know the touch of His deeper love when you live without armor, vulnerable, exposed.” Voskamp

So this Easter season I am concentrating on Savior-glorification and asking the Lord to help me step away from self-preservation when it comes to Him and spiritual things. There is no one else in this world that has my best interest at heart more than Jesus. He is my protector. He is my deliverer. He is my my friend who loves me through all my hard times. He comforts me like no one else can.

I grew up thinking I had to be tough to survive. (Which is kind of true.) But, I was also made to feel and be vulnerable to my Savior. When I think about it, do I ever refer to Jesus as being tough? I don’t think so. When I think of Him, I think of love and sacrifice. I think of all that He did for others. I think of Him pouring Himself out for us. He broke for us. He gave His life away for us. And, that is who He is still today.

I yearn to be like Jesus. But, if I am honest, it is so hard because I fight self-preservation. Old habits die hard! I fight believing things can change. That I can change. That my God can raise beauty from the ashes. I know that He has done it before and He is still doing it today. I know but do I believe? That is the question.

So I am throwing myself at my Savior’s feet. I want to believe that He can raise me up from ashes. That is His business and that is what He does. I am going to thank Him for everything that He has done and is going to do even before He does it. I believe being thankful in all things is so important even though we might not feel thankful.

I am so in awe of Jesus and what He did for us. I love Him so much! I pray that you are drawing close to Him this Easter. I pray that you can lay your burdens down at His feet and worship Him for what He did on that cross.

Happy Easter dear friends! He is risen! He lives! Look for the beauty in the ashes! Until next time…..

I have gone through many trials in my life. And I hate to admit that most of the time I felt picked on. I just wanted life to be different. I wanted people or my circumstances to change. Thank goodness, I am finally learning that I can walk through my trials with a different attitude. I would like to share with you what I am learning and applying in my life.

My Mom was recently diagnosed with dementia. She is my fourth family member to be  diagnosed with some form of mental issue. My grandmother and father suffered from this horrible disease. My brother was tortured by Obsessive Compulsive Disorder. Watching people in agony from mental disease is not fun! So when I learned about my mom, the reaction I felt inside myself was, “Not again, Lord! I cannot do this again. I am done. I have nothing left in me. Please, take this away!” Typical reaction for me. I felt sorry for myself and what I knew was ahead for me.

I really didn’t know how I was going to cope with another family member with a mental problem. (I have enough of my own!) The agony, torture and pain that comes from a mental illness is overwhelming. But—in the midst of all of my fears and worries—God placed two vital tools to help me. One was, “It’s Not Supposed To Be This Way” by Lysa TerKeurst. Lysa’s book has vital information for anyone who has gone or going through difficult times. Her book is helping me look at trials differently. The other one was seeking out my counselor who I have been seeing off and on for 20 years. She brings so much wisdom and healing into my life.

Of course, scripture is one of the things that I cling to the most. Isaiah 43:18-19 “Forget the former things; do not dwell on the past. See, I am doing a new thing! Now it springs up; do you not perceive it? I am making a way in the wilderness and streams in the wasteland.” That is what God is doing for me. He is making a way in the wilderness. He is supplying me with the tools and the people I need to move through my hard times. He wants me to see what He is doing. He isn’t leaving me alone. He is helping me cope with the stresses of my life.

I have always wanted my life to be different. If I just had a different Dad. If I just had a stable home. If people would just be nice to me. If the abuse would just stop! If my brother would have just been accepted and not rejected. If…if…if… That is how I thought. I thought that changing people or my circumstances would make my life better. I went from one disappointment to another. The cycle was unending. I just wanted comfort. Is that such a bad thing to ask for?

I am learning that life isn’t comfortable and I am not sure that it is supposed to be. (I can’t believe I just said that. I am changing!) Lysa has given me a new way to think about things. “But what if life settling down and all your disappointments going away would be the worst thing that could happen to you?” That’s an interesting thought isn’t it? I think we all tend to think if something horrible would just go away then things would be better. But, sometimes that horrible thing is making us into who we need to be. It is making us stronger and giving us more knowledge to fight our battles. That is how I am finally looking at this new battle with my mom.

“We think we want comfort in the I-don’t-know times of life. But comfort, isn’t a solution to seek; rather it’s a by-product we’ll reap when we stay close to the Lord. What if the comfort and certainties we crave today are a deadly recipe for complacency that will draw our hearts further and further away rom God?” TerKeurst

I really hadn’t thought about seeking comfort in that light before. I thought seeking comfort was a good thing. I had no idea that it could be a bad thing. But, now I realize that my comfort has to come from God and not from my circumstances. His comfort is the absolutely the best comfort I could ever have. (I still want hugs every now and then. There is just something about a good hug that helps me feel better. So, if you know me, give me a hug please!)

I have seen so much harm in my life. But, I need to have a higher perspective that believes God is good. He has a good plan for my life. His plan is to prosper me and give me a future and  hope. My hope has to be in Him. I can’t place my hope on anyone or anything else in my life. Psalm 25:5

Lysa states in her book that there is a difference between news and truth. They aren’t always one and the same. “I have access to a truth that transcends news. The restoration that is impossible with man’s limitations is always possible for a limitless God. Truth is what factors God into the equation.”

When I heard the news of my mother having dementia, it brought back many painful memories and fears I experienced with my brother and my dad. I went into panic mode. I wanted to crawl up in a ball and hide. It took awhile for me to have the right perspective. (If I am honest, I am still a work in progress.) But, because of what I am reading and studying, I am able to handle it better now. I am going to focus on the truth and not the news. “God will be my possible in the midst of what can sometimes feel so impossible.” TerKeurst

“If we have a misunderstanding of God, we will most certainly have a wrong understanding of our circumstances.” TerKeurst I have to choose to trust Him with my mom. I have to give Him my feelings and concerns. He is truly the only One who can help us anyway. Sure there are doctors, diet and medicines, but He is the only hope I have to cling to. And that is how He wants it to be. He has a plan and a purpose for all of this. He can turn destruction into destiny.

God’s truth is so important when we are in the middle of a crisis. I have to read scripture all the time. I have to carry it with me. If I don’t, then I will focus on the crisis instead of the solution. God’s word is the solution for me. His words bring comfort to me. I have to stay focused on it.

“Using God’s truth as your fighting words will not change what you see, but it absolutely will change how you see.” TerKeurst  Can I get an “Amen?”

This has been revolutionary for me! Because I saw so much abuse, destruction, evil, pain, torture, sadness, anger etc. in my life, the notion of “what you see is what you believe” became very real to me. My mind automatically went to a dark place when I saw something bad happen. Like for instance, seeing my mom start having hallucinations, hearing things, hiding things and thinking people were stalking her, at first scared the crap out of me! My mind went to all the dark things in my past. But because of God, scripture, Lysa’s book, and my counselor, I am fighting back with the truth of God’s word. His word isn’t changing what I am seeing, but it is changing how I am seeing the situation. It has taken me a long, long time to get here! Whew! There are still days I blow it, but it is easier to get back on track now.

God’s perspective is so very different than ours. He sees things that we don’t. He knows how it is all going to be used for good. My goal is to trust His plan and ask for His perspective. I want to see things through His eyes, not mine. It’s like He has to be my filter. “My circumstances hadn’t changed, but my certainty in God’s plan being good had. I could see with my own eyes that none of my tears would be wasted.” TerKeurst

So, that is where I am right now. It is hard to see my mom the way she is. It causes great pain inside me to see her mind play tricks on her. I have to pray like crazy when I am around her. I have to focus on the certainty that He has a plan for all of this. He never promised us life would be easy, but He promises us He will be here right by our sides to help us. Let us have eyes to see Him!

Until next time dear friends……

Jeremiah 32:27 “I am the Lord, the God of all mankind. Is there anything too hard for me?”

*Please pray that I will continue to fight with God’s truth. That His words would continue to change how I see and not what I see. Thank you!

I just get so sick and tired sometimes. Maybe it is all the dreary and cloudy days in Winter. Maybe it is all the trials and tribulations that just won’t go away. Maybe it is all the frustrations I have with God not moving quickly enough in my life. Maybe it is a combination of all of the above. I just want to explode sometimes!

God always shows up when I am like this. This morning I was asking Him, “Can I just be done with working on myself?” And I got a very gentle answer. “You aren’t just working on yourself. You are growing closer to me. You are finding more of me. And isn’t that what you said you wanted for 2019?”

OUCH! I needed to be reminded of that fact. And God is always right. (Of course He is!) That is exactly what I said I wanted. Isn’t it funny how most of us ask for things and then when we get them we think, “That’s not exactly what I thought I wanted.” And the process getting what we think we want isn’t always what we thought it would be either. It’s all very confusing. Even my wording is confusing, but I think you get what I mean.

Life is just hard and suffering is a part of life. So instead of moaning and wishing things were different—which is my usual way—I want to learn to suffer well. If you are going to do something—do it well, right? It does sound kind of weird to say, “I want to learn to suffer well.” But, that is what I want to do. 

I just read a quote today on Instagram. “Sometimes you have to let go of the picture of what you thought life would be like and learn to find joy in the story you’re living.” Now, I don’t know about you, but there are many days the story I am living frankly sucks! (Sorry if I offended anyone, but I couldn’t think of a better word.)  But, I agree with the saying. I believe one of the keys to surviving life is to look for the little things that happen every day that bring me a little bit of joy and sometimes I am really reaching to find it.

That is why I keep a gratitude journal. I know I have mentioned this before, but the practice of doing this really helps! I try to write down at least three things every day that I am thankful for or ways I have seen God work. Some days it is hard to find three. Other days there are many more. If you need some help getting started, here are a few things from my journal: Sunshine, great counseling session, a weekend at Purdue to see my daughter, safe travels, time to sit and be with Jesus, a chance to read, writing my blog… You get the idea. And yesterday I was grateful for new bras. It’s the little things in life that bring joy. (Too much information?)

I know that sometimes it is hard to find the good—but it is there—usually buried underneath my refusal to see it. Oh I hate to admit that I can be a bit stubborn. Thank goodness God is faithful and patient because He knows my heart and He knows how much I want to see Him in my life.

Right now, I am in the middle of reading, “It’s Not Supposed To Be This Way” by Lysa Terkeurst.  I am constantly looking for books, scripture and Bible studies that can help me get through my suffering. I highly recommend this book to anyone out there that needs help. 

Here’s the thing I have been learning that last 20 years of my life. All of us have to go through a process to get to where we need to be. That process isn’t always fun and sometimes it really hurts. Lysa states, “God has to take me through the process of getting unstuck from what’s been holding me captive before I can take a stand.” I have had many things hold me captive in my life. I have had to dig deep to find them and I am still finding more. But in the process, I have found so much truth and have grown so much closer to Jesus. I wouldn’t trade that for anything. He wants to get me to where I need to be and to be honest— that is what I want too.

“The suffering will end. He will restore us. There’s a reason for this. He will strengthen us. He will make us strong in the midst of our feeling weak. And there’s a perfecting of us that’s happening in the process. When we think the process of long-suffering is unbearable, we must remember it would be deadly for God to put us up on that solid rock before we are strong, firm, and steadfast. And it would be cruel for Him to require us to sing before we have a song.” Terkeurst

Those words comfort me. God is making a way in the desert for me. He is perfecting me and making me strong, firm and steadfast. (Even though there are many days I don’t feel that way at all!) I can’t go by my feelings because they are constantly up and down. Thank goodness God is steadfast, strong and firm. He is the only one who can make any of us that way. I know when I think of myself—those three words don’t even enter my mind. But, that is what I long to be. I long to be like my heavenly Father—strong, steadfast and firm.

I have shed so many tears in my lifetime over what has happened to me and to those I love. I have seen so many awful things happen in my family. I have heard terrible words said to me and to those I love. I have seen torment and pain in the eyes of myself and other family members. But, when look at what He has done in me–and continues to do–I know that He is using this process to restore me.

“We just have to make the choice to see Him and rightly attribute to Him the good that does exist. I truly believe what keeps us on the path of longsuffering instead of veering off in the dangerous direction of wallowing is to walk up with great expectation of these little reminders of God’s goodness.” Terkeurst (That’s why the gratitude journal is so important!)

You see a picture of me at the beginning of the post covered in paint and dust. I look like that every day when I am working. I know that God is taking the dirt and dust of my life and making it into something beautiful. I remember when I was a little girl, we used to take the dirt in the ground and make mud pies out of it. We would pretend they were something special to eat. I think I even ate a few. (Who says dirt isn’t good for you?)

Well, I like to think of God making mud pies out of the dirt in my life. I can just see Him forming them with His powerful hands smiling and laughing like I did when I was a little girl. I just need to remember to pause and look for Him every single second of every single day so I don’t miss out on what He is doing.

I am going to leave you with some encouraging words by Lysa. “But the compassionate soul who has hurt deeply and come out loving? Yes, she is one of the superstars of God’s grand story, and the one you want near you in the battles of life. She wears well the scars of suffering and can’t wait to tell you her survival story so you, too, can survive. She has great compassion toward every created thing, whether it be covered in paint or flesh or dust.”

Hang in there dear friends! God is working! Until next time….

Well friends, I have taken a long break from writing. Part of the reason was the fact that I wanted to focus on Jesus during the Christmas season. I don’t know about you, but it always feels like a fight to find the time to be with Him during the season that should focus on Him. I also needed time to read and learn and listen to God. I have been able to do that and it has been so good for my soul.

But now I am ready to tackle 2019 and I am asking the Lord what He wants of me this year.  “What changes do I need to make in my life? Who do you want me to be?” I am trying to focus on looking to Him first instead of jumping into things that He might not want me to do.

I recently read this by Priscilla Shirer. “Every good thing is not a God thing. You cannot do 1000 things for the glory of God. But you can do the few things that He has divinely designated for you. So….Wait. Pray. Seek His assignments for you and then give yourself permission to say “no” to good things so that you can have the time and energy to say “yes” to the things God has actually called you to do.”

I don’t know about you, but this has always been hard for me. I want to say yes to “good things” because they are good, but sometimes that isn’t what God wants for me. He might want me to say “no” because there is something that is far greater for me to do. So, I am going to concentrate on consulting Him first before I say “yes” to anything. At least, I am going to try to do this. Sometimes, I honestly forget to ask Him. I just go ahead and jump in. My hope is to change this year!

There is something else I read that really hit home with me by Ann Voskamp that I would like to share with you. “The most important life skill to have in 2019 is paying attention to Jesus—nothing else is worth spending your one beautiful year on. And the soul solution that we really need is preaching Jesus to ourselves.”

“Preaching Jesus to myself.” I know that I really struggle with bad self-talk. I can tear myself to shreds in seconds. The words of Jesus go right out the window. I forget what scripture says about who I am. In case you need to be reminded of who you are in Christ, here are some examples. “I Am Accepted. I Am God’s Child. I Am Christ’s Friend. I Am A Saint. I Am Secure. I Am Free Forever from Condemnation.” If you want the full list go to Neil Anderson’s book “Who I Am In Christ.”

I also need to be reminded of the fact that Jesus lives in me. 2 Corinthians 13:5 “Do you not realize that Christ Jesus is in you?” How often I forget that fact in my life. I especially forget it when my emotions get the best of me or a trial hits that seems impossible to get through. I need to stop and pray and remember that He is right there with me. He has the strength to endure, so I have the strength to endure. He possesses everything I need to help me. I am not on my own. He is right there equipping me with everything I need.

Ignatius said, “My dear Jesus, is so deeply written in my heart, that if my heart were to be cut open and chopped to pieces, the name of Jesus would be found written on every piece.” Oh how I long to be like that this year! I want Jesus to be written on my heart deeply! I want Him to be the source and strength of my heart. I want Him to flow deeply from me. I want to get out of HIs way and let Him do what He needs to do in my heart and in my life! That is my deepest desire.

The only way that is going to happen is for me to spend time with Him daily. I want to listen to Him. I want to read His words. I want to learn from Him. I want Him to be the most important thing in my life. I want to want His ways more than mine. I want His plans to be my plans. But, I must always remember to consult Him first before I forge ahead.

I have struggled most of my life with being a performance junkie. Ann Voskamp states, “There is only room in us when we are done with us.” Well, I am done with myself. I am done with trying to please by performance. I am so done! Did I say I was done? I am done, done, done! I have almost killed myself doing this! Is it worth it? NO!

I have wanted love and acceptance so much that I was willing to do whatever it took to make people happy. And, not just people, but also myself. “Doing things” made me happy. I wasn’t getting my happiness or my identity from Jesus. I can picture Him just sitting there looking at me, waiting for me to turn around and look at Him. All He wants me to do is stop and look. I have been so busy running around thinking I was doing the right things that I didn’t take the time to even look in His direction.

“There is no need to produce or perform or perfect — simply become a place for God. That is all.” Voskamp It sounds so simple. Just be a place for God. How do we do that? I think we need to be still. We need to read God’s word. We need to pray and listen to Him. He will tell us what the plan is for us. I also know that I need to be a better receiver. I have always preferred being the giver— but I can tell that God wants me to focus on receiving this year. I need to receive His words, His power, His love, His forgiveness, His wisdom and His strength. I just want to sit and receive.

So, God has been speaking and I have been listening. There are so many changes that I want to make that I get overwhelmed at times because the “performance” in me gets stirred up. Voskamp says, “It’s never about wanting more time to be far better—its about wanting more of Jesus who is far better than anything you could ever imagine.”

My hope for 2019 is more of Jesus in my life. I love Him so much and I want to receive all He has for me. I want to find myself in Him. He knows who I truly am and I want to be that person. I have had to wear so many masks throughout the years and I think it has caused me to lose pieces of myself. I think we all do to some degree.

So–here’s to more of Jesus in 2019! I am praying that I become less so He can become greater in me. “When I long for nothing else, desire nothing else, hope for nothing else, but Jesus—I have everything I ever hoped for.” Voskamp

Until next time dear friends…

  

*First I need to say that the people you see in that picture are some of the greatest gifts I have ever received. This is my family. God gave me these beautiful people. I am proud to be their Mom, Mother-in-law, wife and soon to be Gigi! They all love Jesus and what a gift that is to me! I am so grateful for them! 

A few weeks ago I wanted to get my mind ready for Thanksgiving. I immediately thought of picking up the book “One Thousand Gifts” by Ann Voskamp to help me get my mind focused on the things that I am thankful for. When I read the book the first time, it made such an impact on me because it changed the way I looked at my life. I was happier and felt more peace because I concentrated on giving thanks for everything and I mean everything in my life—meaning the good and the bad.

I hate to admit that I had gotten out of the habit of doing this in my life. I let my circumstances  discourage me instead of giving thanks for them. Why is it so hard to let things bring me down instead of give thanks for them? For me, giving thanks is a discipline. It doesn’t come naturally for me. But, I have learned that it is a necessity.

“Our fall is always first a failure to give thanks. A lack of doxology leads to depravity.” Voskamp  Just look at the world today and you can see the depravity. You can see the selfishness. You can see the “ungratefulness.” She says, “The real greats live gratefully.” I want to live gratefully. I want to be thankful because I know that it leads to joy.

“Joy is found at the table of thanksgiving. As long as thanks is possible, then joy is always possible.” Voskamp Thanks is the key to joy. When I named by blog “Journey 2 Joy” it was because I have been looking for that three lettered word for a very long time. Sometimes I think that I finally have it and then it goes away. I long for joy. I crave it. I know I can have it. It really is pretty simple— I need to be thankful!

While I was reading Ann’s book, I came across this sentence. “Fears have formed me.” Those four words really hit me because those words explain so much about who I am. I have been fighting my fears my whole life. But, I know that is not God’s plan for me. He doesn’t want me to be afraid. I have to focus on Philippians 4:8 “whatever is good, pure, lovely, think on these things.” And for me, that is hard to do.

I think that the holidays can be very difficult. I have unrealistic expectations and want everything to be perfect. I want everyone to get along and be happy 24/7. I want my life to be like a Hallmark movie where everything works out. I think I always have. I was wounded so much as a kid that I want things to be different for me now. Anyone else ever feel that way?

Ann asks this question in her book. “How long does it take your soul to realize that your life is full?” Let’s be honest. Think a minute. When was the last time your life felt full? I usually feel that way when I am with my kids and everyone is having fun and getting a long. I look at everyone and feel satisfied. I also feel this way when I am with the Lord and He is teaching me or when I am writing. But, moments are fleeting. My satisfaction needs to come from the Lord—not anyone or anything else all the time! Psalm 107:9

When I was growing up, I learned many bad habits in order to cope with a toxic home environment. One bad habit I formed was to be in a constant state of hyper drive. I was constantly waiting for the next bad thing to happen. I still fight that bad habit to this day.  My heart immediately goes to the dark side when bad things are happening. 

The reason why I mention this is because I am a work in progress. I want to help anyone who struggles as I do. I am learning that giving thanks is really the key to fighting all sorts of issues. I love Ann Voskamp’s advice—“Stay calm, enter the moment, give thanks.” The “staying calm” part is the real struggle for me. 

In the midst of the craziness of life, the only way I can survive is to have A LOT of time being still. I need time to be with my Lord. For me, that is how I calm my heart. When I get bent out of shape, it is usually because I haven’t had enough time alone with Him. I also use this time to count my gifts. I try to write down at least three gifts I recognize that the Lord has given me for that day. 

I started counting a few years ago when I read Ann’s book for the first time. I made it to 1,000 and then stopped. I should have continued doing it, but for some reason I didn’t. It took me several months to count 1,000 gifts, but during those months, my mind really changed. I was happier and more at peace than I had been in a long time. There really is something to counting gifts.

In order to receive the peace of God, we have to be thankful. They go hand in hand. There are many things that have happened in my life and I need to be thankful for the good and the bad. I know that is very hard! It is not easy, but I am willing to do it because I want to have peace. I want to experience joy. I want to trust that God works everything together for good. Romans 8:28 

I want an untroubled heart. Ann says, “An untroubled heart relaxes, trusts, leans assured into His ever dependable arms. “ Oh how I long to be able to do that! I want to believe the God I love. I want to trust His ways. I have to focus on His word and not on my circumstances. That is why counting helps. I focus on what He is giving me. He is giving me this very valuable book to read. He is giving me time with Him to learn and to write. He is always giving. I just need to look for it. I am asking for eyes to see Him and what He is doing in my life.

I have many scars from what has happened to me. I have always wanted them to go away. But now I am realizing that I need to look at them differently. What if I didn’t look at them anymore as something that is ugly? What if I looked at my scars as something beautiful because I need to see the beauty in the ashes?

There is beauty from my ashes. I am able to write about my experiences. It is too easy to forget these things and too easy to gloss over them. That is why I need to discipline my mind to remember and to count.

I know the season of Thanksgiving is over but it is never too late to start counting the gifts that God has given you. In fact, I am going to make counting a practice I do all year long. I got to 100 today and I am not going to stop this time at 1,000. I am going to keep going until the day I die. I would like to invite you to join me. Grab a notebook or journal and start writing your gifts down. Count them one by one. Watch what the Lord does in your heart. Look for Him. Look for the ways He loves you every day. You will get to the point where you can’t wait to sit and write them down.

I love you dear friends. I am going to leave you with this verse. Until next time….

Romans 15:13 “May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in Him, so that you may overflow.”