We are wayfarers, on the Red Sea road, searching for direction; searching for peace; searching for answers; searching for comfort; searching for truth; searching for someone we can talk to and someone who will listen. If you want those things, I’ve found a companion who gives me direction, peace, answers, comfort and truth. He listens and He wants me to talk to Him. His name is Jesus. He is the best travel buddy you will ever have.
Let’s grab our backpacks and start walking. Before we get too far, let’s find a spot on the road to sit and be still. A whole new world will open up to you, if you will just be still. Look around you and look at Him right beside you. Take a deep breath in and ask Him to help you find your soul.
I am inviting you to look inside yourself, so you can connect with God. “Let nothing get in the way of your communion with God.” Voskamp When I draw near to God, He draws near to me. James 4:8 Your connection to God brings wholeness to your life. I can’t emphasize how important your time with God is.
I have spent thousands of dollars on counseling. I take medication. I read books and I study. All of those things have been instrumental in my journey to heal, but the time I spend with the Trinity, listening and journaling, is where my soul is healing. My time with the Trinity is extremely important. So, I implore you to sit and be still on your journey. Ask God to meet with you and help you.
You might be someone who has dealt with a lot of horrible things. You might not see a way through it all. But, I am here to tell you there is a way through what has happened to you. God is the “Way Maker ” and He will make a way through. There are lots of bumps in the road along the way, but every day you put one foot in front of the other and keep moving forward, you are making progress.
If you are weary, and you have to sit down right in the middle of the road, do it! Sitting still is a movement forward. Everything you do to heal your soul is a movement in the right direction. I’ve had to figure out which way I want to go and which way does God want me to go. He knows which path is the best for me.
Like the Israelites, I have been in “fight or flight” mode off and on for years. My dad was a psychopath. I don’t use that term lightly. He actually told my mom that he would have murdered her if he could have gotten away with it. And towards the end of his life, he wanted to murder me. I lived with a very deranged person for a parent and that does something to a kid.
I lived in self-protect mode most of my life. I didn’t realize the damage that was doing to me. Let me share what Ann Voskamp says about self-protection. “Keep burying how you feel and you’ll end up digging your relationships a pretty big grave. If you don’t speak your fears and questions aloud, they only grow louder in your soul.”
I learned not to ask my dad questions and I also learned to bury my fears. I had no idea what all those years of self-protecting would cost me. “Strange how the trauma from our early stories lives on in our bones and bends the way we see the world. That trauma can bend the way I retreat and try to self-protect.” Voskamp
Let me say this…I self-protected because I wasn’t safe. If I didn’t feel safe, I didn’t speak. I’ve spent years developing my relationship with God so I could feel safe to talk to Him. I can tell Him anything now. I ask questions and I tell Him about my fears. I am still working on my feelings because I stuffed them for so many years, but I am getting better. God cares about our feelings. He gave us feelings so we could feel them, not stuff them. I am learning to recognize my feelings and process them with my Abba Father.
Let me share something I wrote the other day. Maybe this will help you see what I talk to God about when I journal.
“I can tell my emotions are starting to surface more. I am beginning to feel more. I really don’t want to put my emotions away like I used to. I want to sit with You and talk about my feelings because You are safe. Your are my home. You are the only One who really knows my pain and understands how I feel. I want to give my feelings to You. I used to hide them from You. I realize now that hiding my feelings only hurts me in the long run. You gave me an epiphany the other day when I was journaling, that I felt shame for my feelings. When I was a child, I was shamed into silence because I knew my words didn’t matter. But, my words matter to You. You care how I feel. You gave me feelings to feel, not feel shame for. You are teaching me to find value in the pain. Feel the pain. I have to feel so I can move on.”
I would also like to share this with you. “Many of us never had the support needed to learn how to feel our feelings—so we may have learned to think about them instead. Though cognition is an important part of our humanity, it can also be a way we bypass emotions, often without realizing it. May you come to access your God-given emotions in a way and at a pace that allows you to experience them without being swallowed by them.” Aundi Kolber
I know I didn’t allow myself to feel things for years. Then one day, my body went into panic mode. It took years of counseling to calm down. I still get triggered. I still struggle with anxiety. But, the difference now is I go to God and talk to Him. I tell Him how I feel. He is helping me make a way through.
The world expects a person who has experienced trauma to “get over it”. I have been so hard on myself for years because I didn’t seem to be healing fast enough. Yes, you can heal. Yes, you can move forward. Yes, God helps us through it all. But, your journey is your journey. Do not fall into the trap of condemnation because your healing isn’t moving along fast enough.
We must have compassion towards our feelings and our pain. There is a reason why you have pain and feelings. God did not make you a robot. You are a human being who is fearfully and wonderfully made to have feelings and experience all sorts of emotions. God wants a relationship with you, so He can help you process all those things. He longs to hear from you. He longs to help you. Yes, we need counselors and all sorts of other things to help us, but a relationship with Christ is hands down the greatest gift you can give yourself. It is the gift that keeps on giving!
I could go on and on about this because I am passionate about it. So, I would like to end this post by asking you some questions. Are you in a state of self-protection? Are you burying your feelings and your pain while you journey down your Red Sea road? Are you taking time to be still? Are you willing to open up to God and have a relationship with Him? Are you writing down what you see and what you hear from Him? Are you lifting up your soul to Him?
You might feel overwhelmed by all of it. I certainly was. You might have never thought about being still; talking to God; listening for Him to speak; going deep in your soul to process your pain. It is a lot! But, my journey on this road has given me something that I consider priceless….intimacy with Him. As far as I’m concerned, there isn’t anything in this world that is better than that. My relationship with Him is the best thing that has ever happened to me.
There is healing for all of us on this road. There is hope and there is love. I can’t wait to share more with you!
Until next time dear friends…. This is my journey to joy on the Red Sea road.