Have you ever gone through a stage in your life where you are filled with so many questions that frankly make you feel a bit overwhelmed? Questions that plague your mind and your soul. Questions that you desperately would like to have answered. Questions that you are asking yourself and questions you are asking the Creator of the Universe to answer. Life just seems to get so desperate sometimes, and if you just had an answer, it might just help your life make sense.
The question “Why?” haunts me. It rises up within me because I’ve done a good job stuffing it for so many years. It rises up and won’t leave me alone. This question demands an answer.
I instinctively go get my pen and my spiral bound notebook, that I call my journal, so I can get my thoughts and questions down on paper. I go before the Holy Trinity and ask the Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit to help me find the answers I am searching for. I know this is a holy work. This is hard work. This is the core work of my being.
I knew when I accepted Christ into my life that I would never be the same. I knew it in my bones. I knew exactly what I was doing. I was only twelve years old, but I knew that having a relationship with Christ would be the best decision I could ever make. It was actually the first big decision that I made in my short twelve years of life on this earth. I attached myself to Christ. I knew He was going to make a huge difference in my life. I just knew in my soul that He was my life.
Let me share with you something C.S. Lewis wrote. “If I find in myself a desire which no experience in this world can satisfy, the most probable explanation is that I was made for another world.”
That statement by Lewis makes so much sense. I was not made for this world. This world is not my home. It will never satisfy the deep longing in my soul.
I long for a world where everything will be made right. Where we can worship God all day long. Where there will be no disease. Where no hate exists. Where good will triumph. Where there will be no more hurt or pain. No more addiction. No more sin. Truth will prevail. No more wars. No more lies. No more killing and especially no more evil!!
That is where my heart is. But, I am living on this earth right now because this is where God wants me to be until the day He calls me home. So I ask, “Lord, why am I here? What is my purpose?” And every single time I ask those questions, He tells me my purpose is to spend time with Him. Share my life with others. Share what I am learning and share what His word says. So, that is what I will continue to do.
This world will never satisfy me because I yearn for so much more that it can give me. Everything I am and ever will be is tied to my relationship with Christ. I am attached to Him. Nothing else on this earth will ever fulfill me the way Jesus does. My life only makes sense because of Him.
We are created for connection to others and connection to our Trinity. When our connection is broken, we feel loss and that loss can feel overwhelming at times. There is a deep hole within all of us that only Christ can fill. I have tried to fill mine with other things and they have never truly satisfied me.
When I am with my Trinity, asking questions, learning, seeking, finding, listening and writing, there is Communion. There is safety. There is love. There is truth. There is revelation. There is deep attachment. There is intimacy. “Healing comes through the closeness of hesed-attachment because He knows how close we need Him to actually experience His healing touch.” Ann Voskamp
Psalm 31:7 “Lord, you see my affliction and know the anguish of my soul. I will be glad and rejoice in your love that attaches itself to me.”
Did you catch that? God’s love attaches itself to us. I have been on a healing journey for twenty two years. I have read countless books. I have finished many Bible studies. I have sought wisdom from counselors. All of those things have added to my healing. But…. the time I have spent alone with my Trinity has been the most profound experience of healing in my life.
I can’t put into words how much we need to attach to the power of the Trinity. The Trinity listens. They speak. They give wisdom. They enable me to do things in their power that I normally can not do. They enlighten me. They ask hard questions. Everything they do brings healing to my shattered heart. I have struggled with many things in my life and I know that I would not be here if it wasn’t for the divine love of God.
“Then Christ will make His home in your hearts, as you trust in Him. Your roots will grow down into God’s love and keep you strong.” Ephesians 3:17
‘You realize, don’t you, that you are the temple of God, and God Himself is a present in you?” 1 Corinthians 3:16
I share these verses because I need to be reminded, and maybe you need to be reminded, that if you have a relationship with Christ, He is in you. He is a present and a presence in our lives. We need to develop intimacy with the Trinity and attach ourselves daily to them. “Lose connection to your loved ones, your dreams, your community, your maker, and what you will always find is trauma.” Voskamp
I’ve lived through a lot of trauma. Trauma caused by people and situations I couldn’t control. Please listen to me when I say this… I have survived because of the connection I have with my Trinity. I have endured because of the attachment that I have with Christ. It’s so hard to put into words what they mean to me.
This period of my life has brought a lot of questions to my mind, but also a lot of clarity. I was reading the other day in Ann Voskamp’s latest book The Waymaker and was reminded of Deuteronomy 8:2 “Remember how the Lord your God led you all the way in the wilderness…to humble and test you in order to know what was in your heart, whether or not you would keep His commands.”
I know there has been a tremendous number of days that I have wandered in the wilderness. My heart has been tested many times, but what I’ve learned is… I want Christ more than anything else in life. I want a thriving, growing relationship with my Trinity. I want their ways and their truth to reign in my life. I want to trust them even when what I am seeing sends deep fear inside me.
I have situations in my life right now that are shaking me. I have to dig deep and trust God because it’s impossible for us to please God unless we trust God with the impossible. Hebrews 11:6 He can do the impossible. He can do anything. My job is to choose to trust His ways and then choose to trust Him again and again.
Easter Sunday is quickly approaching. Have you taken the time to think about what Christ did on that cross for us…the horrible death He endured for us…the sacrifice He made for us…the way He loved us and still loves us…His desire to be in a relationship with us…The fact that He lives in us. The fact that our body is a temple and we should honor that temple by the way that we live.
It has been fifty years since I made my decision to follow Christ. I can still say it was the best decision I’ve ever made. I am in love with my Savior. I can’t imagine my life without Him. Oh, how I long for everyone to know Him and love Him.
He deserves so much from us. He simply asks us if we would like to be in a relationship with Him. We have the free will to say “yes’ or “no.” I will say “yes” over and over again!
I am going to leave you with a statement by A.W. Tozer. “What comes into our minds when we think about God is the most important thing about us.” So, what comes into your mind when you think about God? Let it marinate inside you as we approach Easter.
Until next time my dear friends. May this journey we are on together bring you much joy! The joy that can only come from Him!
HE IS RISEN!!!!