My oh my how time flies! I am so happy to be typing on my laptop and sharing with you the things God has been teaching me these past four weeks. I have been spending much needed time with the Lord and savoring every moment of His presence. “Moving Mountains” by John Eldredge had been helping me deal with some issues that have divided my heart into pieces for many years.
I want to be an open book for you. I want to help anyone I can grow in their faith and become closer to God. I have gone through so many different trials in my life and I have always felt different because of them. I also pretended for so many years to be okay so no one really knew how much I was suffering. I needed someone to talk to and really didn’t have anyone until I went to counseling. And in counseling, it took me several months to even feel comfortable talking about certain things.
The point I am trying to make is—I want to be that person for you. I want the Lord to use me to help you in your walk with Him. That is where my heart is and that is why I write my blog. I want you to fall deeply in love with Jesus and listen and learn from Him. God has put so many books and studies in my path to help me on my journey—and my prayer is—that what I have learned will also help you in your journey.
Psalm 86:11-12 says, “Teach me your way, O Lord, and I will walk in your truth; give me an undivided heart, that I may fear your name. I will praise you, O Lord my God, with all my heart; and I will glorify your name forever.” I have been asking the Lord to give me an undivided heart these past few weeks. And because of that prayer, God has been helping me deal with issues that have broken my heart into pieces. I know that most of you have had things happen or people that have hurt your heart. Some things are easier to get over than others. Each person has their own hurts, but I am learning there are ways to deal with those hurts.
I don’t know if any of you are like me, but I have had the tendency in my past to gloss over my hurt or deny it or pretend it didn’t happen. I pretended most of my life and that led me to many mental and emotional issues. Listen, I know it isn’t fun to deal with things. It is much easier to move on and forget it. But, here’s the thing. If we don’t deal with the hurt, then it will eventually come out in some form or another. It will make you sick or angry or bitter or resentful or all of the above. It can even cause death or destruction in you and others.
Proverbs 13:12 “Hope deferred makes the heart sick.” When I read this verse, it hit me that so much of my pain stems from hopes and dreams that were pounced on by people I loved. Those people didn’t care about my hopes and dreams—and that fact—literally made my heart sick. And as the years went by, I got sicker and sicker inside.
John Eldredge tells us to invite the love of God into our disappointments. “However we express our heartsickness, we must invite Jesus there—just like we do with inner healing prayer—to comfort, heal, and restore.” So, I have been spending time these past weeks, inviting Jesus into my pain and heart sickness. I have been asking Him to restore my heart. I have been asking Him to reveal situations to me that I had forgotten so I could invite His healing love into them. There were some circumstances that I had completely forgotten about, but Jesus helped me remember them, so I could deal with the damage they had done to me.
I realize that some of you might think this is crazy or stupid or not necessary. But, I have to tell you that I feel like it is one of the greatest things I have done for myself. I sat down with pen in hand and asked God to reveal to me what I needed to remember and be healed from. He revealed His love and healing power to me. I know there are still things I need to deal with, but it gives me hope to know that I have a Father who is all about helping me and healing me from those things.
When you have been hurt, your heart becomes divided. It is fragmented by the pain, sorrow, disappointment, hopelessness, etc. So, the undivided heart, that is mentioned in Psalm 86:11-12 is what we are after. That is why it is so important for us to ask Jesus into the places of our hearts that have been broken. And…Jesus is actually waiting for us to ask Him to come in. Revelation 3:20 “Here I am! I stand at the door and knock. If anyone hears my voice and opens the door, I will come in….”
“He waits for our permission to come and heal. Quite often these broken places hide behind the older parts of our personalities, and that is why Jesus lovingly and gently invites them to come forward by asking questions.” Eldredge If we are honest with ourselves, most of us have younger places within us that need the healing ministry of Jesus. There were places inside me that had been shattered by events that happened to me. When I asked the Lord to go to those places with me, I asked Him to make me feel safe and bring those situations into the safety of His love. John Eldredge calls this integration.
“We then ask Jesus for integration—to restore us in whole-heartedness, to heal up the brokenness and make us whole again, through His presence within us. We ask Him to bring the young place into that wonderful home Jesus has made for Himself in our hearts. The young parts of us feel safe with Jesus there; it is a place filled with love. And in that place Jesus can bring healing about, either in a moment or sometimes over time.” Eldredge
I also need to add that one major thing I learned through this process is that I had to confront the self-rejection or self-loathing I felt about myself. I needed to confess my thoughts and ask God to help me view myself through His eyes. I needed to forgive myself as well as those who hurt me.
My healing has definitely taken a long time. Sometimes I feel like it is taking forever! I get impatient and upset with myself and with God. Sometimes, if I am being honest, I hate the process itself. But, I am learning and growing closer to God every step of the way. Every book I read and every study I do, brings me closer to Him.
“There is no zap that suddenly makes a person as whole and beautiful as Jesus Christ. Wholeness is something we grow into as we walk with Jesus through the years of our lives. Knowing this actually takes a great deal of pressure off—that pressure to find the instant fix or have the One Defining Moment. It releases us to walk with God and allow Him to personalize our healing journey.” Eldredge
You can’t compare your journey to someone else’s or you will get very discouraged. I have fallen into that trap one too many times. My journey is mine and I have to remind myself of that fact over and over again. Our journeys require a “long obedience in the same direction.” Eugene Peterson
I hope I have helped someone out there today that is struggling with issues. Talk to Jesus. Tell Him how you feel and ask Him to come into your heart and help you heal. You can feel safe in His presence. He will help you and He will never give up on you. Be real. Be honest. Be open to His love and His words. Write things down as you go through the process. This has helped me immensely! And most importantly, don’t ever give up! Don’t give up on yourself or Jesus. Satan would love nothing more than for you to give up or get discouraged. Healing is real. Healing can happen. Healing will happen. Pray Psalm 86:11-12 every day and ask for an undivided heart. Remember healing is a process!
Until next time dear friends…..