Author: foolforchrist117

I saw the movie “I Can Only Imagine” a few weeks ago. (I highly recommend seeing it.) I could really relate to it in so many ways. As I watched Bart Millard living in a house with an abusive father, it made me remember the same environment I grew up in.

I have shared many times that my childhood was a war zone. We never knew from day to day what kind of mood my Dad would be in or if he would yell at us or beat us or say abusive things to us. We were walking on eggshells most of the time. Watching the same type of environment on a movie screen was really hard to see. Bart did the same thing I did— he wore a mask when he was around others and didn’t tell anyone what was happening in his house. He became a pretender like I did. That was the only way to survive living in a war zone.

Bart’s father made him feel like he would never amount to anything. Because of my horrible environment, I believed many lies that were very detrimental to me. Of course I was just a child and I didn’t realize what I was doing— but because of my home life— I began to believe lies about myself and about God. Satan attacked my mind and I wasn’t aware of the impact until much later in my life.

I have been reading “Moving Mountains” by John Eldredge. John tells his readers, “I made deep agreements with fear, and for forty years it had gone unattended to.” I can relate so much to this statement.  One of my biggest issues has been fear that stemmed from several incidents I experienced as a child. Those incidents led me to believe many lies. “I am alone. I am not safe. There is no one to help me. No one sees me. No one hears me. No one cares. No one is looking out for me. No one is protecting me.” I made deep agreements with these lies that deeply affected me and my relationship with God. That is why anxiety has been such an issue for me.

I have been journaling a lot lately and trying to spend as much time with the Lord as I possibly can. I know that there are some deep rooted issues that need to be tended to. That is a big reason why I haven’t written a blog post in a while. I have been spending time with the Lord listening and learning.

I want to share with you some of the things I have been learning about dealing with the lies that took root in me as a little girl. One of the first things I did to address my troubled spirit was invite the Lord into situations I experienced as a child. (John Eldredge recommends doing this in his book.) Some of you might think that is crazy or weird, but it is a necessary step to take. The first thing I did was ask the Lord to show me in my mind what caused me distress as a child. He showed me two different instances that caused me to feel alone, scared, disgusted, shame, unprotected, angry  helpless, overwhelmed and unloved.

The next thing I did was ask Him to come by my side and sit with me. I invited Him to hold my hand and speak to me. I asked Him to comfort me with His love and truth. We talked, held hands and I listened to Him shed light on my childhood. He spoke this verse to me. “I will restore to you the years that the swarming locust have eaten.” Joel 2:25 (Which means that He will restore my childhood to me.) I already know that He has been doing that in my life, but that little girl inside me needed to hear those words. He also told me how much He loved me and was protecting me. He told me He was actively working in my life and would never stop.

The next instance was a little harder to deal with. I walked down the stairs holding Jesus hand. I didn’t want to go but Jesus told me He was with me and protecting me. He reminded me of Psalm 121. “I will not let your foot slip. I do not sleep, but constantly watch over you. I will keep you from harm. I am watching over your life now and forever more.” (Paraphrase me.) Once again, that little girl inside me needed to hear those words. He was able to show me that I am not that little girl anymore. I am His child and He is my Father. He wants to help me with my hopes and dreams.

Those instances brought up the lies I believed. The next thing I had to do was banish those lies. I had to break the agreement I made with them and renounce them. (Eldredge recommends doing this.) I went to the Lord and prayed. I went down the list of all the lies that were revealed to me and I renounced them one by one and told them never to return.  Scripture says, “I have given you authority…to overcome all the power of the enemy.” Luke 10:19

Because Jesus died on the cross for our sins, He beat Satan. If we are believers in Christ, demons have to leave when we tell them to. The disciples cast out demons—Jesus cast out demons— and so did Paul. “The demons know your authority in Jesus; they know that if you banish them, they have to obey. Every time they are commanded to leave in Scripture, they obey.” Eldredge Let me say this. If you have given your life to Christ, you are sealed with the Holy Spirit. Demons can not enter you. But, Satan knows other ways to get to us through temptation, lies and deceit.  

We are at war! I have been at war all my life. I know the enemy has been after me because he was allowed to reign in my home when I was a child. He snaked his way in and got a hold of us. That’s why I had to renounce and banish the things that got into my heart and my brain when I was a child. “Submit yourselves, then, to God. Resist the devil and he will flee from you.” James 4:7

Through this process, I have learned these truths… I am loved. I am pursued by God. I am not alone. I am safe in His arms. God is watching over me all the time. He is always fighting for me. I can trust Him. God chose me. I am His child. He is relentlessly pursuing me. He wants to spend time with me. He listens to me. He speaks to me. He sees me. “Your eyes saw me when I was formless.” Psalm 139:16 (I highly recommend reading the whole Psalm.) Let me emphasize this…His eyes see you. Let that sink in your brain for a minute.

I am letting you in to some very deep personal struggles I have had most of my life. When I was a little girl I remember a dark image coming after me. I ran as fast as I could to get away from it. I don’t know if it was a person or a presence because it was dark outside. I just remember running as fast as I could because it scared me to death. It never caught me, but that night did a lot of damage to me.

I have felt like something has been trying to devour me most of my life. Now I know who it is. 1Peter 5:8 “Be self-controlled and alert. Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for some to devour.” I was a little girl when that darkness was after me. My house wasn’t safe and I think that night I began to think that there wasn’t anyone or anywhere that was safe. As I am writing this, I realize that I need to ask Jesus to be with me in that situation. I am asking Him to hold my hand and make me feel safe. He is showing me that He protected me and kept me from harm. I am safe. I am telling that darkness it has no place here in my life. I am banishing it in Jesus name. I renounce all those thoughts or lies that have entered my mind since that night.

I realize this is heavy duty stuff. It has taken me a long time to wrap my brain around it. My prayer is for God to use what happened to me to help anyone who is struggling out there with lies and deception. Satan is a liar and a deceiver. He is very real. If you are having issues, I highly recommend going through this process with the Lord. He will comfort you and show you what needs to be dealt with. I have struggled with my image of God for so many years, but after I went through this process, two thoughts entered my mind and stuck with me. I would like to tell you what they are. “God, You are not a man! You are God!” It seems so simple, but it has taken a long, long time for me to embrace that truth! He is God. There is no one like Him!

I can’t wait to share more with you! Until next time….

I have had a feeling lately that I just can’t shake. When I look at television, new stories, or social media, I am seeing a pattern that really disturbs me. I see so many people spewing opinions and condemnations at others. It makes me sick to my stomach to see the cruelty and indifference that people have towards one another. People just think that they can say whatever they want. Yes, we do have opinions and we have a right to state that opinion, but for goodness sakes, can’t we do it in the right manner?

In my last post, I talked about asking God to shine a light on the issues we have and the direction He wants us to take in our lives. Now, I would like for us to have Him shed some light on how we are supposed to treat one another. Yelling, screaming, insulting, condemning and lack of respect for one another’s feelings are not the path that Jesus has for us.

We, as Christ followers, are supposed act like Christ. Did you ever read about Him yelling at anyone? Did He go after anyone who didn’t agree with Him? Did He hate anyone who disagreed with Him? Did He abuse anyone? We have gotten so far away from the character of Christ that we don’t even realize what we are doing. We have allowed the world to dictate to us instead of us living our lives the way Christ told us to live. So, let’s remember some basics of the faith. I have made many mistakes and I have been drawn into too many battles. I need these reminders too.

“Love your neighbor as yourself.” Romans 13:9

“Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice. Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.” Ephesians 4:31-32

“If any one of you is without sin, let him be the first to throw a stone at her.” John 8:7

“But love your enemies, do good to them, and lend to them without expecting to get anything back. Then your reward will be great, and you will be sons of the Most High, because He is kind to the ungrateful and wicked. Be merciful, just as your Father is merciful.” Luke 6:35-36

But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control. Against such things there is no law. Those who belong to Christ Jesus have crucified the sinful nature with its passions and desires.” Galations 5:22-24

“Let us not become conceited, provoking and envying each other.” Galations 5:26

We need to know the Bible and what it says about how we are supposed to be living our lives.  Because of Billy Graham’s death, I have been watching old crusades and interviews he had with tv hosts and news commentators. When interviewed, he spoke about God and what the Bible said all the time. He didn’t shy away from quoting scripture as his answer. He spoke about living our lives based on the teachings of the Bible. It seems like we have gotten away from that. We rely on other people’s opinions way too much.

We can’t just go to church on Sunday and expect our pastors to be our Bible. We need to do our own investigating and read the scripture and know what it says. God has the answers to our issues in His word. Yes, there are times we need counseling—make sure it is biblically based. Yes, there are times we need to talk things over with a friend—make sure you pray with that friend and you are looking for God to speak to you through that friend or to your heart. Make sure you can back things up with God’s word.

When I was going through my darkest times, I sought counsel. I knew it was biblically based and we prayed before anything was said. There were many things I didn’t want to hear, but I knew they were right because I knew it was coming from the Lord. I made my mind up that I was going to follow God’s direction, not mine or someone else’s. I questioned Him a lot to make sure I was on the right path.

And let me say something about prayer. “We are meant to hear the voice of God.” Eldredge I am going to say this again. “We are meant to hear the voice of God!” In Luke 10 there are many references to sheep hearing their master’s voice. Jesus refers to us as His sheep and the fact that He is our Shepherd. When you read that passage, Jesus is telling us loud and clear that His sheep will hear His voice. 

We have to stay close to our Shepherd in order to hear His voice. The only way that I have found that works is to spend time with Him daily and ask Him to speak to me. “If we hear His voice and open the door of our lives to Him, Jesus will come closer, become even more intimate with us. For this very intimacy we were created! And it is a rescue, a comfort, a source of a thousand blessings, and it also changes the way we pray as we ask Him what to pray.” Eldredge

“He wakens me morning by morning, wakens my ear to listen like one being taught.” Isaiah 50:4

There are many reasons I care so much about this topic. One is the fact that I was verbally abused most of my life. It isn’t fun living with someone who is constantly beating you down— especially a parent. I was told all sorts of things that were not pleasant.  Matthew 15:18 “But the things that come out of the mouth come from the heart, and these make a man unclean.” So, if you have issues with putting people down then I advise you to look at your heart and figure out why you say the things you do. Words can cause deep wounds in people.

I have had to be around a lot of difficult people and I haven’t always responded in the right way. But, when I am in those situations, I pray for help. I pray to respond with the right words. I know it is hard because our emotions can get the best of us. That’s why we need God’s help. I also realize that some people are just hard to be around. If you know you are going to see that person, then pray before you go. Pray while you are with them. Pray for them. My Mom told me a long time ago that the best way to handle an enemy was to pray for them. (Wise words from my Momma.) I know it’s hard, but give it a try. You might be pleasantly surprised.

I have cried and cried many tears over people being unkind to me. I have tried so hard to please people and walked away terribly hurt and upset. Some people are clueless and mean. I know it is hard to respond to people that are like that with kindness, but that is how we are supposed to respond. “Kill them with kindness” is a phrase I heard a lot when I was growing up. And the ironic thing is, it came from my father.

There are always going to be difficult people in our lives, so we need God’s help to deal with them. We need to learn how to react to those people and rely on God to help us. “Stay close. Listen for His voice. Let Him lead.” Eldredge That is how I want to live my life. I want to live my days right by my Shepherd’s side–listening to His voice–and letting Him lead me. 

Until next time dear friends…..

“Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.” Ephesians 4:32

Have you ever gone through seasons in life when it is so hard to see which way to go? You just can’t seem to figure out the best plan of action or the answer to your problem. Every day you question and wonder what is going on and you just can’t see what God is trying to show you. You just get so frustrated and confused. Am I resonating with anyone out there?

I have had several situations in my life that brought me to my knees and begging for answers. I have cried for help many, many times because I wanted God’s truth in my life. His way is the way I want! He knows far better than I do what is best for me, so that is why I go to Him for answers.

I am learning so much from a book by John Eldredge called “Moving Mountains.” Since  my life has been filled with so much chaos, anxiety and fear, I have had a hard time hearing God. John states, “Pressure nearly always guarantees you will have a hard time discerning what God is saying, if you hear anything at all. Pressure clenches up your heart and soul and ties all your insides in rubber-band knots. Even if God is shouting, it is unlikely he can get through to you because of the chaos.” (I’m picturing Him waving His hands and shouting like you do at a sporting event and I can’t hear him because of all the noise.)

I know that my life and my mind have been filled with so many things that I haven’t been able to hear God in the past. And, my constant attempts to “figure things out” haven’t helped either! Eldredge says it best, “The key to receiving answers to prayer for guidance is to let go of our constant attempts to figure things out.” Stress and pressure cause me to panic. I have to talk myself down off the ledge of spiraling out of control. I have to push the pause button and remember to go before the Lord and align myself under Him and ask for His help. (I talked about aligning ourselves in the post “Fixer Upper”)

This is where God’s word is so important. There are several verses in Daniel that tell us that God reveals mysteries.

Daniel 2:28 “But there is a God in heaven who reveals mysteries.”

Daniel 2:22 “He reveals deep and hidden things, He knows what lies in darkness, and light dwells with Him.”

Daniel 2:19 “During the night the mystery was revealed to Daniel in a vision. Then Daniel praised the God of heaven.”

Listen, I know how hard it is to deal with unanswered prayers. But, part of the problem is me. I want answers now! I want things to get better now! I want people to change now! I want to tell God that my plan of action is the best way to do things now! But as Eldredge says, I have to quit my constant attempt to figure things out. (And might I add, quit telling God what to do!)

“And can I add how fruitless it is to seek God’s counsel while you are privately committed to one course of action over all others? We must surrender our agendas. We must surrender our “best thoughts” on the matter. We must surrender our secret desires. When we do this, we are in a much better place to receive God’s thoughts on the situation.” Eldredge

So, I need to examine my motives when I go before the Lord. Usually I am a desperate woman who is in need of some relief and I can’t think straight. (I like to call it “hormone hell.”) I have been that way a lot lately because of increased anxiety in my life. So, I need to go before the Lord and apologize for my behavior and ask Him to shed some light on my situation. I need to surrender what I want and what I think will make me feel better. And as I go through the hard times, I need to claim Psalm 119:6, “May your unfailing love be my comfort.” 

I am trying some new things in my life to deal with my anxiety. I have known for awhile that I needed to give up Diet Mountain Dew—but I did not want to dew it. (Ha Ha!) I knew I was addicted. I really felt like the Lord was tapping me on the shoulder and telling me to give it up and I was resisting big time. It was a stronghold in my life. I also knew that I needed to make some dietary changes as well. So, I made the plunge and gave up the Dew and have started making the dietary changes. (It’s so nice to have a daughter who is a dietician helping you. That Purdue education is paying off! Boiler Up!)

I got to the point that I was sick and tired of being sick and crazy! The Lord has shown me through scripture that He is right there with me. I have to make these changes in my life if I am going to have much of a life to live. He has given me confirmation that this is what I should do.

                               “I will lead the blind by ways they have not known,

                                      along unfamiliar paths I will guide them;

                                I ’twill turn darkness into light before them

                                     and make the rough places smooth.

                               These are the things I will do;

                                      I will not forsake them.” Isaiah 42:16

I am counting on the Lord to get me through all the changes I need to make. I am praying for Him to guide me in the way I should go. It is so easy for me to come up with my own plan of action without consulting Him on the correct plan of action for me. I have to surrender my thoughts to Him and ask for HIs guidance before I make any decisions. And, that is really hard for a girl like me to do! I get so wrapped up in fixing myself that I forget to look to the One who created me and has the answers for what is best for me.

So, any questions I have or decisions I need to make, I am going to proclaim Genesis 1:3, “Let there be light!” Father, shine your light on what I need to know and do. “Surrender is the key. Yield your desires and plans and hunches to the living God so that you might receive from him something far better: His counsel. Consecrate the matter; consecrate the process of decision making too!” Eldredge

In light of Billy Graham’s passing, I just want to say that when I look at him, I see someone who followed the Lord with all his heart. That man spent his life sharing God’s word to millions of people. He had a burden for people to know Christ as their Savior and have a personal relationship with Him. This past week I have watched so many clips of him preaching and seen how many lives he touched. I just can’t quit crying! That man and the message of receiving Christ as our Savior brought people from death into life. People that would have gone to hell are now in heaven because Billy wasn’t afraid to preach God’s word. 

When he got to heaven, I know that he heard, “Well done my good and faithful servant.” (And there were probably a million people waiting for him at the pearly gates!) I don’t know if we will ever have another man quite like him on this earth, but each one of us can share the good news of Jesus in our own circle of friends and in our communities. People need Jesus. Our world needs Jesus. That fact will never change. So, let’s go and be the hands and feet of Jesus and share the good news to as many people as we can. I know that when I get to heaven I want to hear, “Well done my good and faithful servant.” I want my Heavenly Father to be proud of me.

Until next time dear friends….

Matthew 28:19 “Therefore go and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit, and teaching them to obey everything I have commanded you. And surely I am with you always, to the very end of the age.”

Last week, I read about another Hollywood celebrity that committed suicide. My heart always breaks when I read about someone who commits that act. Suicide is something that affects my heart because my brother David ended his life 20 years ago this past July. Suicide affects everyone that loved that person. It seems to represent failure—but I would like to look at it from a different perspective. (Hang in there with me as I try to explain myself.)

I mentioned in my last post the verse that Joseph spoke to his brothers in Genesis 50:20, “You intended to harm me, but God intended it for good.” Good can come from horrible situations. I believe that the good that came from my brother’s death was a changed life for me.

My brother and I grew up in the same home, but the toxic environment affected us differently. I was the first born, performance oriented child who was going to please everyone and keep the peace. David was the more sensitive child. He was quiet and more reserved. He was very intelligent and spent many hours playing alone. We were exact opposites. I have learned from being a parent that each child is different and each one reacts differently to situations.

When David ended his life, I felt like he was telling me, “There is something wrong here! We have pretended that everything is okay, but it isn’t. Stop doing that! Stop acting like there aren’t serious issues here. It isn’t just me! Quit being in denial. Please do something and for goodness sakes, say something!”

It took a few years after his death for the panic attacks to hit full force—and when they did—I knew I needed help. I knew I was going to have to face things I had been in denial about. That is when I went on my journey to go after God like I had never done before. I knew deep down inside that I needed His truth in my life. I also knew I needed a counselor who could guide me and show me truth. Thankfully I found a wonderful woman who wasn’t afraid to get in my face and show me God’s truth.

Here is the thing I want to explain to you. We are all born into different types of environments. Because of the things that happen to us or are said to us, we can easily fall into the trap of believing lies that aren’t true about ourselves. I was spending time with the Lord yesterday and He impressed upon me to write down the lies that I have believed. I would like to share a few with you. “I need to make everyone happy.” “I just need to work harder.” “I am all alone.” “There isn’t anyone who can help me.” “There isn’t anyone who is going to come to my rescue.” “I am trapped and helpless.” “I am always going to live in fear.”

Lies and wrong thinking can easily get ingrained in you and cause you to feel utterly hopeless.  God has shown me that the majority of my thoughts were not from Him—they were from the enemy. All those lies and thoughts were sown into the fabric of my upbringing. I can’t speak for my brother, but chances are he had a lot of the same thoughts. Of course, I didn’t realize how much those thoughts affected me until later in my life.

I realized that there was a lying spirit inside me that wanted to destroy me—and almost did. I had to go through all the lies that I believed and command them to leave. I had to write them down and renounce them in my life. Now, they didn’t leave without a fight and sometimes they come back—but when they do—I have to go to the Lord and realign myself under His authority and renounce them again. (There are some pesky ones that like to try to get back in!)

The one lie that got me more than anything was the lie that God wouldn’t want a messed up kid like me. That one brings tears to my eyes because I kind of think my brother thought the same thing. If you have ever thought that way, it simply isn’t true. You need to stop that thinking right now. I want you picturing God whispering in your ear, “I love hot messes like you! In fact, I think you are a beautiful hot mess and I love you! You are my specialty! I want to take all your messes and make beauty from them. I am going to love you and help you.”

The lies the I mentioned earlier are from my past, they are not going to define my future. “Heartbreaking seasons can certainly grow me but were never meant to define me.” TerKeurst We must be bold and take the lies that we have believed and get rid of them.

I can say that I no longer wish I had a decent relationship with my Dad. I had to say goodbye to that fantasy in order for me to have a thriving relationship with my Heavenly Father. I had to give up what I thought I wanted and turn to God and say, “If this relationship isn’t what you want for me, then I don’t want it.” There are some relationships that aren’t healthy for us and God wants something even better for us. We just need to let them go and give them to God because He is the only One who who can fulfill our desires and dreams.

Listen, I know how hard it is to overcome lies and doubts and hopelessness. It is a fight! When you have an upbringing like I did, it is an uphill battle. It has taken me years to deal with a lot of issues. I had to become determined not to let Satan win. There were days that I didn’t want to live—but I also knew that killing myself was not what God wanted me to do either. 

The only way I have been able to move forward one day at a time is focusing on the character of God. God is good. His plans are good. C. S. Lewis says, “We are not necessarily doubting that God will do the best for us; we are wondering how painful the best will turn out to be.” (How true!) 

I am going to tell you that my biggest fear has always been that I would end up like my brother. I have been scared to death that I would end up so mentally ill that no medication or treatment would be able to help me. I saw him suffer so much and nothing helped him. I have to renounce that lie and remember that I am not my brother. I am not going to fall for that lie! I have to fill my mind with scripture and the truth of who God says I am. 

If you are suffering, please get some help. Find people who can pray for you and find a counselor who can help you with your issues. The best way to get to know the character of God is to read the Psalms. Immerse yourself in God’s word. Spend time with Him. Talk to Him and tell Him how you feel. Ask Him to help you see the truth about yourself and Him. I want you to see how much you are loved by the God of the Universe!

I am going to leave you with some scripture that I pray will be helpful to you. Keep reading His word and claiming HIs promises! (I am doing the same!) Until next time…

Psalm 16:1-2 “Keep me safe, O God, for I come to You for refuge. Every good thing I have comes from You. You are my Master.”

Psalm 16:8-9 “I know the Lord is always with me. I will not be shaken, for He is right beside me. No wonder my heart is glad, and I rejoice. My body rests in safety.”

Psalm 16:11 “You show me the way of life, granting me the joy of your presence and the pleasures of living with you forever.”

Psalm 37:23-24 “The Lord makes firm the steps of the one who delights in Him; though he may stumble, he will not fall, for the Lord upholds Him with His hand.”

*Thank you Dyan Larmey for pointing me towards the right counselor. Thank you Marcia Mills for your countless hours of counseling, prayers and truth.

*This picture represents two kids who were “beautiful hot messes” in God’s eyes. (Gotta love the 70’s style!)

I started refinishing furniture when I was in my twenties. (I am a trash to treasure kind of  girl.) I just love taking old pieces and giving them a new look. Whether it is a coat of paint, stain, or new hardware—I love to take old furniture and make it beautiful. And if you think about it—that is what God is doing with us on a daily basis. He is making us new.

Isaiah 43:18-19 “But forget all that —it is nothing compared to what I am going to do. For I am about to do something new. See, I have already begun! Do you not see it? I will make a pathway through the wilderness. I will create rivers in the dry wasteland.”

I don’t know about you, but I want the Lord to redo me and make me into the best possible version of myself. I know that being an open vessel to Him is key to that change. I want to be willing to do the things the Lord asks of me. “Offer yourselves to God, as those who have been brought from death to life; and offer the parts of your body to Him as instruments of righteousness…Offer your bodies as living sacrifices, holy and pleasing to God—this is your spiritual act of worship.” Romans 6:13; 12:1

A piece of furniture isn’t human, but it is there ready for me to work on. I also want to ready myself for the Lord to do His work in me. John Eldredge says it best in Moving Mountains. “First, they consecrated themselves. Meaning, they dedicated themselves afresh to God; they renounced every way they had wandered from Him; they presented their lives, their gifting, and their calling completely to Jesus, to be filled again with His Spirit, to be His and His alone.”

“It is the fresh act of dedicating yourself —or your home, a relationship, a job, your sexuality, whatever needs God’s grace—deliberately and intentionally to Jesus, bringing it fully into His kingdom and under His rule.” Eldredge  I am trying to do this on a daily basis. I am intentionally aligning myself with God and asking Him to be the authority in my life because He knows far better than I do the best way to live my days. I am giving Him authority over my house, my husband, my children, my blog, my job, my schedule, my health, my finances, and even my car and everything else I can think of every day. I know this might sound extreme to you, but this is what it means to align myself to Him. I like to think of it as being under the umbrella of His care.

When I am redoing a piece of furniture, I want it to be beautiful. I want others to see the beauty that I do. I am the craftsman that is changing that piece of furniture. I like to think of God as the Master Craftsman of me. I am in the process of being made beautiful by the God of the Universe. My job is to let Him do whatever needs to be done in me. But, sometimes I don’t like the sanding that has to be done in order to make me look good. (OUCH!)

As I write, I dedicate my blog to the Lord. I ask the Holy Spirit to give me the words He wants me to say. I also dedicate my computer, my chair that I sit in, my bedroom and my house because that is where I am when I am working on my blog. I bring it under the umbrella of His care. “Consecrate yourselves for tomorrow the Lord will do amazing things among you.” Joshua 3:5

God is in the business of doing amazing things! I want to be a part of His work. I still struggle with focusing on what isn’t happening instead of what is happening. It is a battle and I must keep my mind on what scripture says instead of how I feel. I need to be listening to the Holy Spirit instead of myself. (I have a tendency to be a bit negative with myself!)

When I watch episodes of “Fixer Upper” I am amazed at what Chip and Joanna Gaines are able to do in homes that people pick to renovate. (I love watching that show!) They get a vision of how they want to transform their houses—and then go in and do the work they need to do. Sometimes the houses are in pretty bad shape—but after the work is done— that house is even more beautiful than it was at the beginning. Again, that is what God does in us. “And they were astonished beyond measure, saying, “He has done all things well. He even makes the deaf hear and the mute speak.” Mark 7:37

In order for God to work in us, we have to remain in HIm. John 15:4-11  That is why I dedicate my days to HIm. Listen, I am not perfect at this. There are many times that I wake up and get so busy with my day that I forget to give it to Him. There are many times I jump into projects without praying first about them. (I am a work in progress.) But, I am really trying to be different this year and I am asking the Lord to help me change. (I am a first born child. Need I say more?)

This is what I want to say—I have had a lot of bad things happen to me. Abuse has changed me. For forty years, I ran away from it and denied it. It took my mind and body falling apart to make me deal with it. It took years of counseling, reading, praying and God’s hand on my life to get me where I am today. I have given the bad things to God and asked Him to make something beautiful out of them.

The difficulties I have experienced, have made me into who I am. I have laid my abuse at the feet of Jesus and asked Him to use it for His glory.  But, it took me years to get where I am today. Trauma affects all of us differently because we are made differently. How I react to something is going to be different than how someone else reacts. That is how we are wired.

I sometimes still feel the effects of the abuse. My body can get scared in an instant especially when someone like a doctor or dentist is hovering over me. I get scared when someone has power over me because the person I should have been able to trust the most, abused his power. I immediately go to God and ask Him to help me deal with my feelings. He is always there for me.

I will be a “Fixer Upper” until the day I die. Some rooms have been renovated and others are still being worked on. Like I said, I am a work in progress. But, I couldn’t have a better person working on me than my Heavenly Father who knows me and loves me better than anyone else on this earth. That is why I need to remain under His care.

I want to give you a verse that has helped me deal with all the bad things that have happened in my life. It helps me put things in perspective. “As for you, you meant evil against me, but God meant it for good, to bring it about that many people should be kept alive, as they are today.” Genesis 50:20

The man that said those words was Joseph. You can read about his life in chapters 37-50 of Genesis in the Bible. I have studied the life of Joseph on and off for years. Each time I read and study about him, I still come to the same conclusion. God works through suffering. God works through abuses and God works through unfair situations. Joseph rose to power in Egypt because God was with him. He had a chance to lash back at his brothers, but he chose to show them love and forgiveness. (He kind of messed with them a bit, but who can blame him?) He chose to take the high road and honor God.

My father is no longer alive. But, I have looked at his picture and said the words from Genesis 50:20 to his face. I have had more than one abuser and I have said it to his face as well. I have witnessed first hand that God brings good out of horrible situations. If you are struggling with the aftermath of abuse, I encourage you to give it to God. Say that verse out loud to whoever mistreated you. God is working. God is able to make beauty out of our ashes. Jesus came to heal the broken-hearted and to set us free! 

Until next time dear friends….